Constantly Need Validation

[mvillarreal]

Hi, everyone. I have this really bad problem where I feel like I can't be confident in any of my beliefs or values unless people validate me. If I have doubts about something, I sometimes post my view on social media to see if other people agree or not, and even if 10 people agree with me, if one person disagrees, I think, "I must be wrong!" Or I will go around asking people, "Do you think...?" to see how they'll respond, which I hope isn't too obnoxious, but it's very hard to control. I don't know how to stop doing this, and I worry that it's interfering with my ability to function.

[kenster1]

your not the only one growing up I was cast as a failure so anything good I done I used to think folk just took pity on me by saying so.one time I really had to push myself and I did probably more so than others because of an injury I had that moment of achievement actually felt real.

[CanuckAnon]

Have you tried writing out a physical pro con list for decisions? It may help you realize that your doubts are just negative brain spin... it may help you trust your instincts more as u can visually weigh the pros and cons as long as u don’t overthink what ifs etc... 😊

[mvillarreal in reply to CanuckAnon]

It's not even really about everyday decisions. It's more about deep, philosophical questions like what I value and believe. It's more of a philosophical/spiritual/existential/ethical kind of problem.

[CanuckAnon in reply to mvillarreal]

Ok I see. Wouldn’t what you value and believe alter if you had more confidence in yourself? If you are basing such important questions on what others think then how can these ever truly be your own thoughts/beliefs? Try getting to know yourself, believing in yourself and loving yourself before u try and tackle all that? It may make it less stressful or overwhelming sounding...?

[mvillarreal in reply to CanuckAnon]

Yes, and I do believe in thinking for myself, but sometimes I think that maybe other people are smarter than me or that they have more real-life experience than I do and wonder if my own perspective and experiences are limited. All of us are epistemically limited, after all.

[Optimistic_22 in reply to CanuckAnon]

I just realize your post is pretty much the same as mine. I should have read through it before I posted lol. Great advice. Although I admit it can be hard when you try yourself. Glad I’m not alone in my thinking also.

[DJB74]

I feel like this all the time. I always have. It causes me great anxiety

[Hidden]

I think a lot of people feel that way. It’s wanting to be accepted but understood at the same time. Not everyone will agree with you and see your point. But that’s ok because you won’t always accept others too. If you believe it in then that’s all you need to focus on. Maybe try making small changes,like only looking once at your posts. Then finding something else to do. Something productive xx

[mvillarreal in reply to Hidden]

Yeah. I'm fine with people disagreeing with me. I don't take it personally. Where it causes me anxiety is that I worry that they might be right and I might be wrong or even that I'm crazy or stupid for believing as I do.

[Hidden in reply to mvillarreal]

I doubt my decisions and choices too. But I got to a point where I thought I’ve made that choice so it’s too late to change it. I try not to be too impulsive as I take everything to heart.

[mvillarreal in reply to Hidden]

It's not even really about everyday choices. It's more like existential/spiritual/ethical/value-related questions. Very deep and abstract. I can't help worrying that my beliefs are wrong and "theirs" are right.

[Optimistic_22]

Most often your first intuition to something is always right. Make a list of the pros and cons that are rational to a situation. Then make based on that. But remember pros and cons have to be rational not based on feelings. Make your decision and stick with it hold your head up high. Feel comfort that you took time to make a educated decision and don’t look back. As long as your decision doesn’t hurt you or anyone then your good. Just think of the greater good when deciding what to do. Stop with social media. You know what your decision was from the beginning and don’t let others sway that. This is my best advice hope it helps . I also have problems with being indecisive and need to start taking my own advice. Lol . Much love and stay safe

[Hidden]

As my seretonin levels increase the less I need any validation from anybody. It could be biological more than something you're doing wrong.