Needed to use this to vent.

[sam4231]

I have recently had a hard go. I lost my health care, then my therapy, flunked out of college (again), had to deal with an eviction, my raise got denied, got the gas and wifi turned off, then threw out my back. I understand its a process but its been one step forward to steps back with me for a long time. I've tried giving myself a time to relax, working on commitment and taking on less work, but no matter the hand, I still always manage to fuck everything up.

I've worked very hard to stay positive and away from suicidal thoughts, but I can't help but think "what's the point?" I understand I have family and friends that rely on me but still a large part of me has given up and wants out.

[CanuckAnon]

Ok first of all you are working hard and you vented here... awesome! 😊 I see you seem to be having some bad breaks no pun intended on your back... ouch that must hurt even more with all the stress, anxiety you have right now! 😕

Boundary issues are hard to deal with so don’t worry about raises right now.. it’s unfortunate but it can be rectified. You don’t f it alm up... you are being hard on yourself... do u make lists to keep yourself organized, on task and judging your time mgmt so u don’t take on too much? A list is good to help with boundary issues like taking on to much which only overwhelms you.

The housing, heat/hot water issue - do you have a roof over your head? Hot water for a bath? Can u get into tub safely with your back? It will feel good or a shower? Heat pad for your back?Advil or muscle relaxers?

Suicide is never an answer as life with all its bumps, temp blocks and twists is complicated but such a gift not to be taken for granted! Please keep venting here... get the darkness out so ☀️Can get in....

Speedy recovery for your back... emotions are hard to deal with while in pain exp... give yourself a break and stay strong!!!

[sam4231 in reply to CanuckAnon]

Thank you, time management and organization have never been a strong suit for me. I also get overwhelmed easily which doesn't help either. Both things I should work on. As for the other stuff its nothing I can't handle but it just gets very had to build that confidence when I struggle so frequently with things that seem to come so easy to my peers. I do appreciate the encouragement though! I just been awhile sense I got anything off my chest.

[CanuckAnon in reply to sam4231]

I’m glad you got that out then... getting overwhelmed happens to everyone... in regards to this you are not special or unique. 😂 don’t compare yourself to others... it’s not fair cuz you don’t know what it’s like living in their heads...concentrate on you. I’m not good with organization or time mgmt... I made lists and wore a watch... it helped me... I broke tasks up into realistic time blocks... helped me figure out how many tasks I could do in a day... so I didn’t bite off more than I could chew in a day so to speak...

This allowed me to come into a clear desk so to speak the next day... you would be amazed how little accomplishments like completed task lists make you feel a little pride in yourself. Baby steps eh? You did not lose confidence overnight it will take a while to build it up but to error is human btw... be realistic with yourself and assert yourself by sticking to realistic time frames allowing yourself to see an end to the pile of work daily. It also gives you a chance to breath and stay calm....😊🌷☀️🤗

[Hidden]

You are worth it to stay alive, tell yourself that every-time you think that way.Do you know that when people kill themselves, what it does to their families too. Life will get better, go to a therapist, and figure out what you can do not to feel this way. I am here for you, be strong❤️

[Kayakin]

Sam, I am sorry everything is hitting you at once. That happens to everyone at times. I am best by working on the problems I have some control over first. I know from experience things can get better if I keep trying. I nearly flunked out of school, but later learned how to study and made all A's. Now it seems you have more urgent things to work on, but all this can be worked on eventually.

I had an auto accident with serious injuries as a teenager, and my body was unbalanced and parts were overused which caused low back and other pain. Exercise does wonders for that. I did everything I could, but not to the point of pain in joints. As for low back pain or any musculoskeletal pain, ice seems to be the best pain reliever. ( Even someone locked in a jail cell with no resources can put the body part on the cold concrete floor to get pain relief). I am careful to use it with the ice cloth covered for short periods of time to avoid frostbite. I use heat only before I must do physical activity, to avoid injury as well as gentle warm up activity. My particular low back pain is agrivated by lack of range of motion in my hips. I put a strap on my foot and while lying in bed pull my leg up toward the ceiling to stretch, but not to the point of pain. Over time along with exercise this completely releved my particular pain. I learned this from a very kind Physical Therapist who saw me one time for free when I had no insurance coverage.

There are many people here that care about you, and want your suffering to go away and be replaced with happiness. I am pulling for you and want you to get better soon.

[Kayakin]

Just wanted to mention some people get better relief from some types of pain with heat, so I have tried that also. Pain with swelling is usually better with ice for me.