Does anyone else feel invisible, because you've created that as your persona by not talking?

I have extreme anxiety to the point where I walk by people without looking at them making them feel non existent, when in fact I'm the one who feels that way. People probably think in some stuck up b... but I'm literally shaking inside, I go mute when I'm at work and won't say a word unless spoken to. Often causing me to just cry in my car at the end of each day. I've tried everything I can to be a better person but I feel nothing helps and I'm the problem. I don't fit in anywhere and each day I make myself more and more of an outcast.

[torpe]

i understand you in this...you are not alone...i have been there as well and it soothes the pain of potential judgement or being seen (that can be so frightening)..people’s perceptions are based on their own personal realities and they might not think that you are a bad person at all, it might just be the anxiety saying so. i’m so sorry for how you feel...anxiety can be incredibly isolating but it doesn’t make you a bad person! honestly, i hope with time it gets easier..i’m not sure what stage of life you’re in currently, but i’d like to hope that at any part, there is an infinite amount of possibility for growth and change, even if it doesn’t present itself so clearly just yet... you are not alone

[Hidden in reply to torpe]

It feels good to not be alone, I just wish I had real life friends in person I could talk to about this, but I say to myself.. all the people that I want to be friends with are at home just like me, scared to go out and socialize. I'm only 26 and I feel like this really takes a toll on my life because my mind wants to say and speak up and socialize and go out and do things but my body won't let me and it will freeze up. I just wish I could talk, but my throat is so used to being mute I don't even know how to anymore.

[torpe in reply to Hidden]

i get that...it does feel good to not be alone...that’s very true, they might just be..it is a valid fear...it’s so easy to be afraid to go out, it’s scary to interact..im sorry that it has gotten to such a level as that have you thought of therapy or anything to sort of tear that apart? i know it sounds like such a “duh” but i think it will help the mechanics of how to navigate thru it possibly? or even finding a small space in which you might find people with shared hobbies if you have any?

[Hidden in reply to torpe]

I've tried online therapy but I didn't find it helping me very much, I can read so much on the subject.. intake as much information on the subject of anxiety but no matter how much I learn or find coping mechanisms I can never seem to apply them to my life I'm stuck in a viscous circle and I'm trying to get out.

[torpe in reply to Hidden]

i believe that you will...there are infinite hopes and i hope that you find one that really sticks! i’m sorry that you are down about it…i think as simple and dumb as it sounds, the mind is yours and belongs to you...you have the power. show it who’s boss! fully sending hugs and support and an ear if you need my dms are always open..i’m so sorry that it pains you this way ♥️

[Hidden in reply to torpe]

I'm trying my best, and I couldn't have found this platform at a better time.. just when I thought I was about to lose it I found a place I could feel a bit less lonely! Thank you so much for all your support and thoughts it means so much 😊

[torpe in reply to Hidden]

and your best is the best you can do i’m cheering you on in spirit ♥️ i’m so glad that you feel less lonely!! thank you for being so brave to share! more power to you, my friend

[Hidden in reply to torpe]

Glad to have met a kind soul on here! ✌💛

[torpe in reply to Hidden]

ahhh and i’ve met one too 💖

[LadyZen]

Are you in an office environment at work? Cubicles? Can you put up interesting pictures or decorations or leave out a bowl of candy for people to stop by and take? Something that might encourage people to initiate conversation with you? Someone like me will always be happy to stop in for a treat and ask about photos or knick knacks. Start small. Don't think about the friends you don't have. Set little goals. Start with work. Then maybe branch out a bit and volunteer somewhere. Do hobbies outside of work. But don't even think that far ahead. Just ask yourself, what can you do for yourself tomorrow.

[Hidden in reply to LadyZen]

I work in a laboratory environment so all open desks with people sitting next to me, often sharing items that we use.. I've tried the candy bowl thing once and nobody seems to talk. Even when people do talk to me I don't even know how to interact anymore I usually answer the question, but it's so hard for me to talk back and continue the conversation I get really scared of people and I'm almost traumatized in those situations. The lady that sits next to me gives me such bad anxiety and is constantly triggering me and often puts me down when I try to open up, she goes from being nice to evil and I'm just convinced shes a narcissist. So now that I've kind of gone silent she just ignores me and it makes me feel more isolated because I don't really talk to anyone at work. I try some days to talk and some weeks it get better and then I fall back into myself and just put headphones the whole time at work and ignore everyone :/

[LadyZen in reply to Hidden]

Well definitely don't talk to that lady. She's clearly got issues. I have a co-worker like that and she thought I was some pushover, but I let her have it. But you don't need to go there. Just start small. I'm not familiar with the laboratory environment. But just do something kind for yourself tomorrow. Put something up that will make you happy. Each day do something kind for yourself.

[Hidden in reply to LadyZen]

I have shut her out and ignore her now because she was telling me too much about every single thing in her life and just loves to talk about nothing but herself it was really making me depressed and not wanting to work there anymore, some days I'm on the verge of quitting. It's so hard dealing with these type of people. I'm sorry you had to deal with someone like that too, and that's really great you were able to get through that. I'm honestly going to take that advice and do my best to do something caring for myself. Instead of beating myself up all the time. Thank you so much for your kind words! I'm hoping to overcome this some day, because I feel like I can't just quit and run away from my problems because no matter where I go I feel like I'll always run into the next person just like her and how will I deal then?! Thanks so much for your support

[LadyZen in reply to Hidden]

Let us know what nice thing you decide to do for yourself tomorrow. It might inspire me to do something nice for myself.

[Hidden in reply to LadyZen]

Will do, thanks for the motivation to do better!

[Hidden in reply to LadyZen]

So I've been taking little walks in the sunshine each day getting fresh air as soon as I feel the overwhelming feelings about to approach and it's been working so far 🙂

[LadyZen in reply to Hidden]

I forgot, I use to take walks during work too. Those are nice. Someone invited me to take one with her and I was hooked.

[Hidden in reply to LadyZen]

It is life changing, I'm not sure why I wasn't always doing this, I would usually just stay put the entire day in my chair even when it was slow and no work coming in.. I can literally just walk away from the person who is bothering me and i can be free now, free medicine is the best!

[LadyZen in reply to Hidden]

I know what you mean. Sometimes ideas don't come to me right away until I'm forced to think of something.

[Em17y]

You are definitely not alone with feeling like this. I have pretty bad social anxiety as well, and sometimes days go by and I haven’t said a word to anyone or had anyone talk to me and I start to feel as if I don’t even exist just like a ghost watching over everything. I feel the same as in that I don’t feel as if I fit in anywhere but I’m beginning to try to see the brighter side of it as I’ve just taken my loneliness as a time to better myself and expand my interests so that once I am ready to try and make friends and talk to others I’ll be ready to be a good friend/person and have more interests to talk about so that small talk will be a little easier. Hope you find your place to fit in somewhere soon as for some of us myself included it’s just harder than those who are outgoing. Sending lots of support your way

[Hidden in reply to Em17y]

That's exactly how I feel, I just want to work on myself and grow right now so that way when I feel like I'm ready I'll be able to talk to people and make friends I'll be able to hold a conversation. Its just so hard to find a place to fit in or find your "tribe" as they say. It feels good to know there's someone out there who experiences the same emotions. Thanks for your words of encouragement, sending you love and support as well 😊🙌

[Hidden]

Wait we're suppose to look at people now?

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

😂 straight up facts.. I love the way you think!

[Bluzzle]

I know there are a lot of responses and support but as I read your post it reminded me of so many moments Ive had doing this exact thing. It is very hard to get out of your comfort zone and to confront those demons, but one day it can happen! you just have to wait until your ready for it, finding a way to prepare yourself and ready your mind into blocking those thoughts can feel and be impossible. I still get like this sometimes, and everyones anxiety is very different, but my mind would go completely blank, I would shake, I would sweat, there would be a knot in my throat and all the alarms in my head would scream! I could feel my face getting hot and red, which would only make it worse. It sucks that our minds percieve everyone as judging and analysing us in so many ways that it debilitates us and I hope you find your way through. Even starting small and having those tiny victories can lead you to a place you never thought you could overcome. You are not alone! I try and remember that everyone is really only worried about themselves, and if they are worried about you its because of their own judgements about themselves. I wish you the best and thank you for sharing!

[Hidden in reply to Bluzzle]

Holy shit, everything you just said has been every thing I've been experiencing 😭

Its horrible when people downplay what you are feeling and they say well I have anxiety too trying to relate but they dont have the debilitating kind.. my goodness everything you just said hit me like a truck, Its a constant battle and just the way you listed it and put it into perspective is so on point!

I hope you are able to overcome this and I'm so glad you shared with me how you are feeling because I feel it too.. from the shutting down, to the mind going blank, to the sweating and shaking.. all of it is so hard to deal with. Thank you so much for making me feel less lonely.. I'm always here if you need a virtual buddy to lean on 🤗

[Bluzzle in reply to Hidden]

It means so much to me that you felt this way about my response! I was just trying to be honest and let you know that your not alone! I have come a long way, and some days are much harder than others. I struggled with this for as long as I could remember, but I was also the outgoing, talkative type when I was around people I felt comfortable with. A year ago I about had a panic attack going to a career fair at my college, once I absolutely forced myself to go (almost walking back to my car, as well as making myself late I almost missed it) I realized that it really wasnt as scary as my distorted brain had made it. I have another coming up this week and I am nervous, yet nowhere near the level I was last year so thats what I mean by little progress and accomplishments. I also couldnt go to the gym at all, the thought made me choke up, and then I went with my mom at night (when no one was there), I then waited until that didnt completely make me panic and then tried alone and ended up sitting in the parking lot for an hour before I could do it. Now I can go without much thought but I have to keep my headphones in and only use the same machines everytime, and I still avoid it sometimes. I realized the world didnt end, and even though I still sometimes feel its not where I want to be.... it is a place I NEVER thought I would be. I hope you can find those small victories and if you ever need to talk I am here.

[Hidden in reply to Bluzzle]

I'm glad that you are getting better with time, I wish you luck at this years career fair and I know how nerve wrenching events can be.. it is much scarier in our heads and then once getting there you are able to warm up to the event or situation. I have the same problem going to gyms that's why I don't go. I'm so proud of you for making huge steps in your life to try and overcome your anxiety! Definitely look up to you and will always be thinking of your story when I'm in a fearful state and I feel alone. Going to try and accomplish some small victories of my own. 💛

[Hidden]

I'm glad we aren't alone in this world, it's been good having the support of this platform to get me through the day!