Need to vent.... aware I’m not being rational....

[CanuckAnon]

So CBT homework has me up to unwarping my warpy thoughts.... was. So happy to get up to the objective part of analyzing feelings as I prefer facts over subjective messy feelings.

It’s the damn pressure of this day... or at least that is the excuse I’m allowing myself to believe. I have re-read a persons response to my last post about 50 times in past 2 days.

Positive thing is a crack in the shut door allowed a little light thru... now I’m wondering what the motivation was despite looking at it objectively and trying to coach myself down from bursting into tears but I’m struggling.... it’s too cold outside to get out although I’m considering snow pants over 3 layers, heavy coat over 2 layers and down vest and such just to get out of the house which has become to symbolize a prison of sorts for me.

I was having a great day until something thru me and got me anxious with negativity, jumping to conclusions in the extreme, minimising the positive feedback from crack in door moment earlier today and my horrid emotional reasoning. I know what I’m doing wrong or rather chucking the tools I’ve learned in 1 swoop but i’m Overwhelmed, emotionally drained and tired from trying so damned hard.

I keep repeating a line from response I mentioned earlier.... it didn’t happen overnight and will take just as long to fix more or less - I’m paraphrasing. I am just not buying what I’m being told... today of all days!

Well I’ve trued to distract myself and the house is getting to me... gonna bundle me and puppies in our winter gear and getting out of this warm prison of negative thoughts....

I just needed to get this out as I’m sure I’m jumping to conclusions etc but what if I’m not?

[Dolphin14]

I know it's hard to buy into. But if you put the work into this you will see more light.

There is work to be done and a battle to fight. If you give up too soon you lose the battle.

It can take a long time. There will be days of doubt. One of the beauties of this forum is we are all in different stages of our own private journey. People that are just beginning and those that have worked their way to some peace and more light. The people that are further on tell their story to help us. Their story is true. They got there.

You have to put your boxing gloves on and stay in the ring. You are going to get knocked down and you have to keep picking yourself up. Some days will be easier than others.

Best of luck to you

[CanuckAnon in reply to Dolphin14]

Thanks. I just find it hard to turn off emotion in regards to particular people because of boundaries set while turning on all emotion to analyse, unwarp, break down, remember and understand.

I go from great, glowing mood to craptastic at the flip of a switch which is very defeating feeling.

I think I will take a day off from it and just focus on physical tasks I have put off while working on the emotional stuff....

Nerve block started wearing off yesterday afternoon so dealing with pain and emotional stuff is too much to cope with at the moment. I have always hated the out of control feeling derived from roller coasters so this is really freaking me out. I think I need a curl up and ignore day... one day should not hurt right?

[Dolphin14 in reply to CanuckAnon]

Yes take a day and relax. We all need that.