Stress and depression over relationship with daughter.

[Thenewsroom]

My daughter just gave birth to our only grandchild and it’s been horrible ever since. I have tried as hard as I can to let her lead the way in everything. I’ve not made any demands, and just tried to talk about motherhood in general, while praising her about how good she is doing. But, she is treating me like I’m her worst enemy! Everything I say is met with anger and sarcasm. I’m afraid to talk. I’m afraid my granddaughter will grow up hating me! Recently I cry a lot, have insomnia because I keep dreaming about her yelling at me, I feel worthless and so confused. I want to make it better. I don’t want to just walk away, but some of the things she’s said to me hurt so much. Anyone?

[Hidden]

Hi

I’m sorry you are feeling sad and upset..

It’s always difficult to comment as you have a lifetime of knowing your daughter and we only have a few lines ..the history of your relationship over the years no doubt would make a whole big picture.

But from what you say here, I would say your daughter will be finding her way, caring for her baby, she will want the best and we can be protective about how we do that, especially at first, when we want to feel we know best ..protection mode can set in..and being sensitive around what anyone says I can recall..when you say you have been talking about motherhood in general, I guess it depends on what is being said and if she feels you are trying to indirectly tell her what to do..I remember as a new mum being very sensitive..like I say it’s difficult commenting when we know only a tiny bit of the situation..

sometimes we are trying our best to help, we see it as help.and Im sure you are with your precious grandchild , but actually all we need to do is let them be and find out for themselves and provide help/guidance only when asked...

Sorry if I’ve got this to totally wrong..but I can remember feeling people saying things thinking they were helping me and feeling very sensitive to it..and I think we do tend to reflect on things we felt when we look back..

It sounds like you are saying it’s been horrible only since your daughter gave birth to her baby..it is a massive change for her in so many ways as we know. Not easy at all..But when we have a new baby to care for we like to find our way..and can be very protective..

Sometimes these things can become a battle, when they don’t need to be...

Give her time with baby getting to find her way around it all, letting her know you are in the background if your needed ..

Sometimes just after having a baby a lot of people visit I found that stressful...I recall I just wanted time alone with my baby..

I hope it all settles and you can both enjoy baby in a more relaxed way..🌺🌺

[Dolphin14]

I agree with Olivia. If we are both reading your post correctly.

Remember your daughter is dealing with huge hormone shifts as well. I agree she's in protective mother mode. Wants to do her best on her own for her baby.

I don't know what she was saying to hurt you. You have to take a back seat in this. Enjoy the grandparent role but do not interfere with her parenting role unless she asks.

You don't want to walk away. You will miss the greatest joy of your life. Being a grand parent is a gift.

[Mary-intussuception]

🎈🎀🎈🎀🎈🎀🎈🎀🎈🎀🎈🎀🎈🎀🎈☆☆☆ CONGRATULATIONS to the new Grandparents ☆☆☆

Is the new Dad around?

Were you invited ? Or just assume you should be there?

Is your daughter ill, since the birth and asking for your care?

Do they just want sometime alone for the first days?

I don't know the situation - just a few points you may wish to consider.

If there is such hostility - maybe she feels she needs some space? Would a short break from each other be a way forward? Or are you there as an invited help / carer?

Hope you can find a peaceful way forward. Even if just sitting quietly with a cup of tea in another room until you are ASKED for help.

Sometimes, when we're not sure what to do it's best to do nothing, just for a time.

You've waited nine months to spend time with your first Grandchild - could you go home and wait a little longer? Till things settle down and the new Mum catches up on some sleep.

She does sound sleep deprived doesn't she.

It might make sense to you to care for baby whilst she naps for a few hours - but not to her?

Did you cope when she was born?

Maybe she wants to do things her way?

If you have 'Stress and Depression over relationship with your daughter - this isn't good is it ? Surely the priority here is new baby and Mum. Do you think you need to go home and get you well/restored ?

And , when feeling better in yourself, you can make yourself available if & when required.

I believe I'd be wanting (and expecting) to do things my/our way (me & husband). I wouldn't accept that I should have to explain this either.

Having a Child is a great blessing, having a Grandchild is a great blessing too. Not everyone is blessed with offspring.

It is good that you are a close and loving family. Your daughter clearly loves you or she wouldn't be so communicative! She'd be more polite !

Maybe take a back seat for a while, then harmony will be restored.

God Bless x