My daughter is now suffering becuase of my depression.

[Joycelk]

My daughter has been having a hard time with the e learning. So I thought she may need someone to talk to. I took her to the doctor to get a referal to start therapy. Turns out the doctor diagnosed her with high anxiety. She has been pulling hair from her head and eyebrows. I have been so wrapped up with my own sadness I didnt know she was suffering too. Its my fault because the last year she has watched me fall apart. I already have just barely hanging on. Now my mental illness has effected her. I want to pull myself out of this and actually be there for her. But I dont know how. I still cant bring myself to take care of myself and personal hygiene. I cry alot through out the day. I want to be better for her. I just dont kbow how. Not to mention the stress I put on my 80yr old mother. I just honestly hate myself

[FriendlyDude]

Well, who’s to say it’s because of you? Your daughter is in e learning, we’re in a world with leaders who are almost shunning social interaction now, there are many possible reasons why your daughter could’ve been diagnosed with high anxiety. I highly doubt she’d want you to blame yourself. I don’t believe she wants you to hate yourself either.

As for supporting her, just be there for her. Love and time works wonders nobody is asking you to be perfect, just do your best and spend meaningful time with your daughter. “Progress is success; success is progress.” There will probably be times that you can’t do anything, and that’s okay. Do your best, nobody can ask more of you.

All I’d suggest is simply to work on your relationship with your daughter, there’s always room for growth. Find out what she needs, be there for her. Let her know how much you care

I hope something in there helps,

I wish you and your daughter the best!

[Joycelk in reply to FriendlyDude]

Thank you. I really apperciate your response. I just feel like Im failing her as a mother. And it hurts me deeply.

[FriendlyDude in reply to Joycelk]

You’re welcome

And just so you know, the only real failure is to accept failure. Mistakes help to show us that there’s a better way, There’s a Chinese proverb that came to mind just now,

“Be not of afraid of going slowly, be afraid only of standing still”

The accompanying picture is of a baby sea turtle crawling towards the ocean. Every inch forward is an inch toward safety.

Take where you are right now, and think of where you want to go. Right now, what can you do to make a step in the right direction? You can’t change what’s already happened with you and your daughter, but you can redirect your current course to change your destination.

Again, I wish you and your daughter the best! You are a wonderful mother for caring so much!

[AnxM]

I'm so sorry for your pain. I too feel guilty when I see that my anxiety makes my child worried.

I hear your guilt and self-criticism, and I relate to it, but please recognise that the best thing you can do for everyone you love is to be kind to yourself.

Treat yourself with as much loving kindness as you would extend to your daughter and your mother.

I have been reading about compassion-focused therapy (Paul Gilbert). Negative self-talk is very harmful for our mental and physical health. So talk nicely to yourself. See yourself as a good friend who is in pain and in need of your love and care.

I know it's hard. I'm still working on it myself. I hope it helps you.

[Joycelk in reply to AnxM]

Thank you!

[Elle_Luv]

I’m so proud of you as a parent. My father completely neglected my treatment in my adolescence, and that had devastating effects on my mental health. You have done so much already by getting her treatment! Be proud of yourself too!

[Freakinout3]

I suffer from a mental health affirmity, but my parents are not sympathetic.... I see them as unsupportive, but one thing they are is strong.... Coddling me wouldn't be the answer... They keep me on my toes...even though it hurts... I definitely have hair pulling tendencies... Thank God I'm not balding because of it.... The best way to handle it is be strong for her take control... That is if you have the strength

[Hb2003 in reply to Freakinout3]

Trichotillomania ? Also sorry about non supportive parents

[Freakinout3 in reply to Hb2003]

I wanna say my parents were my cross to bear... Maybe they are, but I can't let them destroy my love or determination to survive and be happy.... Trichotillomania??? Perhaps but not extreme...

My parents push me away more then they bring me close... They were an endless stream of sorrow and grief... But I try to accept it, and plug forward... I wish I could hurt them sometimes but my direction is elsewhere... Don't be sympathetic... I'm stronger then you know...

[Hb2003 in reply to Freakinout3]

sorry

[Hb2003 in reply to Hb2003]

I just am empathetic

[Hb2003]

I am sorry about what’s happening and it isn’t your fault

[Oneseedatatime]

My mom heart goes out to you. These are tough times for everyone including our children. We are parents and suffer, we often try to mask it to be strong for our children and to present well in front of others. You are doing what you can, you would not do anything to cause her anxiety, and it's not your fault. Be proud of yourself for recognizing her plight and getting her help. Don't give up! Perhaps you can both talk about your challenges and commit to therapy individually fighting a good fight together? You are a good mother, you cannot (none of us) possibly know how to do everything, and this challenge will make you and your daughter stronger. It's hard and the journey through it is hard too but you can and will make it through if you persevere.