I heavily relied on an antidepressant beginning very soon after my diagnosis back in 2017. It always made me feel strange; not myself, as if someone else was living my life for me. It stripped me of really FEELING things deep down but i got used to it. It got me through. About 6 months ago i started dating this amazing guy and he made me so happy. Things were looking up. I thought i was cured, that the depression was just a bad phase of my previous life. So i told my doctor i didn’t want to be on medication anymore and that i would be okay. He agreed, if there’s no issue then no need to treat it. I slowly came off.. and in those months afterwards i felt so good. I felt more like myself than i ever have. There were bad days still but soon the good outweighed the bad. I had hope again.
But all good things must come to an end. I’ve recently began feeling back to my old self (pre-medication). No motivation, poor hygiene, oversleeping, poor thoughts. My relationship is as great as ever, my parents love me, i have good friends, a roof over my head, i should have no reason to cry, right? But i can’t help but feel this way still. The medicine turns me into a sociopath, but maybe i can’t be without it? help.