I haven’t been on here in a while but I need help

[roygbi]

My boyfriend and I have been fighting really bad lately. All he does is focus on little things that shouldn’t be a problem and they get blown out of proportion. I’ve tried to talk to him about how the things he focuses on are like pebbles in the road and how I would understand if they were craters in the road and it causes more problems. I feel so alone and I feel trapped in my old relationships that this stuff happened in. I don’t know what to do because we are two different people and he sees things in black and white and he doesn’t understand that some things he thinks is normal hurts me.

[Hidden]

I too have been in such relationships. Some people tend to stick to their own way which is the problem. People as yourself are trying to change their ways and turn them in the right direction towards success. It is up to them whether to follow or not. Know in your part that you are doing your best and that there is a point to where you can do no more. As I went through, it really gets you worn out. Feeling alone is completely understood. Be confident in yourself and know what you are doing is right. Whenever there are conflicts try to control the situation rather than have the situation result out of control. All is possible if one believes in one’s self.

[roygbi in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much

[Hidden in reply to roygbi]

Your very welcome 😊

[Billsfriend]

Hmm, I might actually be more like your boyfriend, not that I want to worry about little things, but I am just learning how to l let things go.

I don't know if it will be helpful for you to realize that this behavior has nothing to do with you, but he would do the same thing to anyone else he is in a romantic relationship with.

For my part, I have tried to help my wife understand me, and why I do things, but it never works. I believe it is actually counterproductive, because I see her sometimes using the information against me.

Anyway things are getting better now that I just accept that that's the way she is. She isn't really self aware, so I just figure she can't help herself. If you can get to a place where his criticism doesn't bother you, you will find that the criticism tends to subside, first slowly, then pretty fast, as he catches on to the fact that you don't care, and that you're not going to engage him 🙂

I hope you can find something useful in what I wrote, but if not, please let me know. I won't be offended, but I am wondering if I come off as a know it all, someone who just wants to talk about their own problems, or something else.

I always find good information on here, as well as on self help videos on YouTube, and at Church.

I know you will to, and that you will start feeling better soon. 😊

[YouareBeloved99]

"I’ve tried to talk to him about how the things he focuses on …. and it causes more problems."

I understand the frustration and trying to reason with someone and I have been there. Sometimes it's hard to understand why they just don't get it or see it. One thing I've learned though, is that no matter how hard you try, you can't always make people see. Instead, I've found it helpful to rephrase these types of things from "This is what you should do..." to "This is how I feel..." Make it about you instead of about him. Most times when you make it about them and what they need to do differently, it causes them to become defensive. I like to Google "I Statements" for examples.

How long have you guys been together? Do you want to stay together or do you feel that your differences are too far apart to make it long term?