Need suggestions, help and overall some advice please.

[Technog2121]

I’m a parent posting for help on what to do.

My son is 15 and says he’s depressed and acting out some scary destructive ( mostly home) behaviors. Little background: divorced from his dad 7 years, we co parent but he’s not involved as he should be and they ( my son) and his dad aren’t close.

We have him seeing a counselor once a week. He’s been 5/6 sessions, and she’s talked or counseled me as well but he says it’s not helping and he feels no hope and he can’t change. I’m not a fan of depressant meds at his age due to I want him to learn coping skills, and not just “”mask”” them.

He got aggressive last night when I told him he couldn’t have his phone in his room all night. I put phones up to charge etc.

He would stay up all night, and it’s just a non negotiable. He lost it- hollering in our apartment, saying curse words to me- you’re a ***** mom, a piece of **** etc. I’m 5’2 and 107 pounds. He’s 5’9 and bigger weight.

He tries to “bow” up to me and he takes my phone, and his and shuts himself in his room. Mine you, he’s hollering bad and I am afraid at this point, neighbors would call the police and that would be the end of him.

I called his dad and I was crying and I think I had a small panic attack. My heart rate went up, clammy feeling, floaters in my eyes and a unwell feeling.

I could t get ahold of my phone, so I used Facebook messenger to notify my dad who I told to call my ex and what was happening. My dad who’s 70 spoke to him and told him firmly “give your mom the phones NOW” and I will drive over now etc.

I feel bad for stressing out my dad. I got ahold of my ex who proceeds to talk with my son for over 2 hours. My son is in a technical school for high school. His grades have plummeted and he’s very smart and has goals. I’m afraid he’s on a path to destruction. He kept telling me that he can’t make it better, everyone hates me, and send me away etc.

My ex texted me saying he sounds like he’s pulling the O woe is me bit, and needs a firm man talk. Then proceeded to tell me that he feels guilty cause he wasn’t a good husband or father in the marriage. I can’t help that and I feel my ex is using that as HIS excuse.

Please help this mama. I’m trying to hold it together and I can’t. His next session with the counselor is this weekend.

This is the normal is it?

Feeling sad

Sue

[Hidden]

I come from a large catholic family and have grown up with 7 brothers and 3 sisters. I can imagine the chaos all us teens took on my mom. Plus there was a lot of hidden secrets and mental health issues among us kids, growing up making the normal growing pains far far worse than anything I've seen on television.

Saying that (you) as a single mom with a troubled teen have a lot on your plate. There may be things about your son you may not know playing out in his head and/or secret traumas he may be concealing from you. I wonder if the counselor/therapist you've been going to has determined that to be the case. Also if your son may not be telling the counselor in fear of the information getting back to you. Such was the case in our huge family. From your description it's still to little to go on whether any of these scenarios are in play. You may have to do some digging into your son's personal life though he may hate you snooping into his private space. Being discreet about this would be best. Checking with his school about any incidents they may know of. Speaking with any friends or acquaintances he may have. Doing an internet search of his social media and or his name. Again doing all this discreetly. Looking around his room. All this must sound shady, but you're the mom. He is still under age. Just know this, if at any point your son strikes you, you must stand your ground and call for help. 911. This is a tough situation for you. I don't know if you're religious either, but if you are you could consult your church priest/minister for advice. This site is for help but we are not professional mental health providers just people helping others willing to lend a shoulder/ear. You are most welcome to private message me if you'd like to talk one on one.

[Solidrain]

Hi, I’m sorry to hear that your son and you are struggling. That must be very hard.

One thing I would suggest is that you take his claims of mental health seriously, and I would tell your ex the same thing. I also first started experiencing depression when I was 15-16 and when I confided in my parents the first thing I was told was “that happens to everyone at your age” and “it’s just your teenage hormones”. Safe to say I felt very rejected and alone. It took me almost a year until I went to see the doctor by myself to get a proper diagnosis. Your ex saying that it’s probably just a “woe is me” bit could potentially make your sons mental health worse.

The counsellor is good, I’d encourage him to keep going. Things will take time!

Best of luck