It is hard to put into words all that you put me through. This letter is, I know, another vain attempt to master the chaos within me. But trying is always a better option than quitting, I suppose.
Sometimes I wish you could go through the pain and struggle you put me through, but really I know there’s no way I’d want another soul to go through it.
I’ve held onto this pain for so many years because I genuinely believed that some day it would stop. I always believed you were something more than you appear to be. But you continued taking advantage of my innocence until eventually, you destroyed it completely.
You thought you were powerful because you played an attacker? You thought I was weak because I played a victim? The truth is, your victim is always superior to you in every way.
I would be lying if I told you I never thought about revenge. My mind wandered but my demons never got the better of me. I knew that if I were to sink to your level, you and I would be no different. One thing I’ve known for sure for all these years is that I never want to become a reflection of you.
(Something I saved on my phone, I never sent it, I saved it for months and finally thought I needed to share)
Written by
UnderstandingMyPain
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Thanks Melhall! I went to your page and read a little of your story. I’m sorry to read what happened to you. Any form of abuse is horrible. My abuser was extremely physically and emotionally. I have my days that I just want to curl up and stay in bed but when I read inspirational stories like yours I am simply in admiration. Knowing I can get through this too
Thank you so much. I am making it somehow but still have bad days, of course. We are survivors. You will find so many here that have conquered their demons.
Sometimes doing that can be theraputit? I did that to my Mom many years ago she made Life Hell for me growing up because I wasn't born a boy. Crazy huh? She wouldn't celebrate my birthday because I wasn't suppose to be Born. I was her favorite go to when she got Mad, took it out on me. I've gone through my whole life trying to be "Perfect". I was blamed for everything, so I'm afraid of doing something Wrong and getting in trouble, even Now. She's going to be 90 next month and has dementia, she doesn't recognize us. Abuse of Any kind can be tramatizing that can last a Lifetime accept that it was NOT your fault and try to Live your Best Life inspite of it, they WIN if You Don't?
Very well written....and you were young didn't ask for it..that's on the monster. I had 3 monsters in my life, used to be afraid of them, not any more, they're losers in life...not us!
Hold your head up high and take your power back...it will help you.
I'm here for you , wishing you peace of mind.
May your day sparkle!
Dump trucks of groovy love, peace, light, joy and hugs!
Aww well thank you for saying that to me....I truly mean that. I'm here for you...just let me know if I can be of help in any way...you're more than welcome to pm me...I may not get back right away but promise I will.
Here's sparkles for your day...run with em and have fun!
Dump trucks of groovy love, peace, light, joy and hugs for you!
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My cat
Moment of Clarity 
Someday I will?...
I think my subconscious is trying to speak to me through chronic nightmares.
