Hi

[Andromache-it]

Hey! I'm new here

I'm 20 years old and I live in Italy.

Recently my former best friend and my grandfather killed themselves 9 months apart. I can't really talk about it with my family ( we don't get along well) and I don't have anyone else to talk to since I'm no good at making friends and I don't want to burden anyone.

I'm super anxious and stessed about everything. I feel like I have no idea of what I'm doing and the only things I'm doing I'm doing wrong. I don't want to let anyone down but the pressure is crushing me.

I joined hoping to find understanding people to talk with and helping others with my love and support.

Thanks for taking the time to read ❤️

[Hidden]

Hi and welcome! 🤗

[Attaloss001]

Have you tried to manage the anxiety by turning off all distractions and tightening all your muscles reeeally tight the releasing them a couple of times followed by a few slooow breaths in, as deep as you can, then hold the breath for a few seconds, then a loooong slow exhale . I use Inhale: 6 seconds, hold: 3 or 4 seconds and Exhale 6 seconds. After a couple of muscle tightenings, I do about 3 -5 of these 6-3-6 breaths and the anxiety starts to come under control.

I've found it helps to practice this breathing a few times when I'm NOT too anxious so that when the anxiety gets bad I'll remember it easier. Hope this helps. Just one of many tools that help.

[Andromache-it in reply to Attaloss001]

Thank you! I'll try to remember it.

[2resistant]

Welcome

Do you have access to any talking therapies? You are brave to have spoken out here!

Having a 'witness' to these things you're going through can be very important.

Are you able to talk to family and/or friends about this?

I can't even imagine how you must feel. This is one of the main reasons that has stopped me from doing something so extreme.

Just keep talking about it. Here if nowhere else. You've come here and reached out. That's a good sign of your strength. You will get tones of empathy and understanding from here I'm sure. Keep writing.

Take good care.

[Andromache-it in reply to 2resistant]

Thank you! Years back I used to see a psychologist but once I started to feel better and getting myself together I stopped going. Now I don't think I can get myself to go back. Maybe because of shame maybe because of the memories tied to that period of my life. So I keep convincing myself, or maybe it's a fact, that I don't have the time. The thing is I don't think I'm ready to tell someone everything...

I recently tried talking to my family about it, thinking they would understand under the recent circumstances, but they kind of dismissed me so I don't feel comfortable talking to them. As far as my friends are concerned, I usually try to be happy and cheer everyone up when I'm with them and I don't really open up to people because of other stuff that happened to me.

In any case it really means so much to me that you are here and you know that there are people caring deeply for you. I wish my friend knew.

Keep on fighting! ❤️

[2resistant in reply to Andromache-it]

A bit at a time. But make that time for yourself. Somehow.

I do think that even a few sessions with a counsellor, just to get some feedback and guidance/ideas, or simply to get things 'off your chest' could be helpful. You don't need to be specific or detailed. A small hint would probably suffice.

Often looked at as for the 'weak' and with many jokes made about them, I have found crisis lines like The Samaritans really helpful when I've been desperately struggling. You can remain totally anonymous and say whatever you like, whatever is going through your mind and you can hang up knowing you will probably never speak to or hear from that person again.

[sunandbutterfly in reply to Andromache-it]

I am so sorry for what you have experienced. It was devastating for our family when my cousins decided that life was no longer worth living.

As ninja suggested, would it be easier to go for a couple of counseling sessions? Can you committ to one session where you can expose the outer layer of the onion of what you are going through?

There are some resources listed here that may also be helpful for you. Hope it helps. list.ly/list/2Eu7-a-guiding...

Know that you are not alone.

[Agora1]

Andromache, I am very sorry for your losses. Nothing in life can impact us more.

Grieving two deaths in a short time can overwhelm your senses. Sometimes we need

to talk with a professional who can put us back on the path of life. Talking about your

grieving can be very beneficial in the healing process. Many of us here on this forum

have experienced devastating loss and might better understand what you are feeling.

You are never alone on this site. We support and understand because we care.

I'm glad you are here with us. Together you can walk the journey and not feel so

alone. xx

[Marshall64]

Do they have support groups in your area for grieving? I had been going to a support group for depression and it helped me.

Try not to let people put pressure on you. Your mental health is more important at the moment.

P.S. I had been to Italy many years ago. People are very friendly even though I couldn't speak the language. 😊

[Hidden]

I'm sorry for the losses you have experienced. You are not a burden. I'm a deeply spiritual person and I can assure you with total confidence that your friend and grandfather are safe and sound on the other side. Suicide is a complex subject, but it really hurts those that the people leave behind. You are important. Your life is important. You don't have to bear the weight of your feelings alone. I am glad you reached out and shared. If I could I would give you a hug. Please know that you are not alone, there are many of us here that understand what you are going through, and we care. Love and peace.