Do you ever get the feeling of being numb on the inside and you're just going through the motions? I don't know what to do with myself. I shared my heart with someone I thought was special and deserved my heart, but I was lied to and wish that I could take it all back and be the way I used to be before him. I was fine without him, but he did make me feel happy... and I like feeling happy, but now I have to relearn how to be happy again without him. He was manipulative and controlling but I was too blind to see it and I hate myself for it. He played the part of the good guy around me and my family.... and he played it so well. But in just a matter of days, weeks even, he changed completely. He ripped out my heart and threw it in the trash like moldy leftovers. I shared my life with him. He asked about my past and it was difficult for me to share with him because he is the only one who has ever asked me about it. But I eventually shared with him and he appreciated that I did. I thought he didn't care about my past because he only cared about our future together. But there was no future to begin with. It was all a fantasy. A cruel fantasy that my imagination cooked up for me to look forward to. I thought that I finally had everything that I wanted, but I guess he decided that I was too caring of his well being (to the point I seemed psycho) that he wanted to shatter my dreams into a trillion pieces (the dreams that he shared with me once...). I want to hate him but I hate the fact that I know that I still care for him.
I feel so alone yet so numb. I have no motivation to do anything and I'm just going through the motions every day. I feel like a zombie most of the time, but I also feel like crying constantly. I feel like the universe is against me but I have also learned that I need to turn back to God during this hard time for me. I am trusting God to fight this battle for me and that's all I feel I can do now. I can't do anything else but trust in God that everything will be okay. But I can't help the pain that I feel...
Numb
How can I control numbness?
I feel so alone... 
Why can't I tell how I feel?
