Thursday & still need help

[nicetry]

Hi you guys. Fourth straight day of crying the moment I opened my eyes ... sitting here trying to figure out how the hell I’m going to get through work. Too late to call off. My head and my heart feel smashed to pieces. I just keep thinking “let me die”. Yday I left a message, at my doctor’s urging, at the ECT Center at the hospital. They should call back today to schedule preadmission testing, she said. I just ask for your thoughts and prayers and good vibes. Thanks.

[Cmarie12]

Hi Nicetry,

I'm so sorry you are in such pain. Is there anyway that you can take a short leave from work? Sounds like you need some time to take care of yourself. If your feeling as bad as you sound, are you going to be able to manage, unless of course it's a good distraction for you? If you have a boss that you can call and explain that your not doing well and you are waiting for a call from your doctor. Provide your employer a note from your doctor. But I don't know your situation, so if at all possible, just be kind to yourself. My thoughts will be with you throughout your day.

Hugs,

Marie

[mjcll41 in reply to Cmarie12]

Ditto.

[nicetry in reply to Cmarie12]

Thanks @Cmarie12. Yes I’ll have to take a leave from work for at least the first week or two of ECT (my doc doesn’t want me working during that time even on days I’m not being treated). I have no idea what I’m going to tell my boss bc she’s a friend, but doesn’t know how bad my depression is. My doc says I don’t owe her any explanation other than I’m getting medical treatment — If she knows the reason she will treat me different (in a well-meaning way) when I get back.

[Cmarie12 in reply to nicetry]

What a lot of the population doesn't know is that mental illness is real just like diabetes. Something that you have to treat and manage with medication. Once in a while you have flair ups that require time to balance out so that you can get back to living your "normal" life.

My dream is to live in a world that doesn't have such a stigma attached to mental illness. We need more advocates to educate people on our behalf. Anyway, I wish you a positive outcome with ECT. We're all rooting for you!

Hugs,

Marie

[nicetry in reply to Cmarie12]

Yes. It would certainly make telling my boss easier. 😉

[mjcll41]

Call 911 if you have to. Even if you are not suicidal, wanting to die is not mentally healthy at all.

[nicetry in reply to mjcll41]

Thank you for your concern! I’m not “actively” suicidal — I don’t have a “plan” in other words. I haven’t even thought much about how I’d do it. It’s more like “if I die today, that would be ok”. I’m not sure I’m explaining it well. ... I am doing everything in my “self care” box to make it until I have ECT. I should know by later today about that.

[Starrlight in reply to nicetry]

It sounds like you are doing all the right things. I hear your pain; I know that type of anguish. You will get through it. I wish the best for you. ❤️

[Sunf7ow3er]

I hope you overcome these thoughts today. Always remember you are not alone. I’m glad you seeker help and I’ll keep you in my prayers. 🖤

[Agora1]

You are going to be okay. Believe in that.

This too shall pass. You are in my thoughts and prayers. xx

[SheWrote]

HUGS, HUGS, and more HUGS. NiceTry, you are going to get through this. Tears, though they might continue to flow, are a cleansing. Let your body, your mind, and your spirit be cleansed precious one... you are not alone... you are loved. Praying for you!!!

[nicetry in reply to SheWrote]

SheWrote ❤️