Need help but scared to ask

[minty123456]

Not sure what to do. I have a history of depression and anxiety - I assume, not only, based on having an alcoholic father and recent events which included the loss of my sister and mother in law from cancer. I am mostly a high-functioning alcoholic but things are falling apart. I hate myself but also try to find empathy with myself. I am disappointed in me for not being perfect. I want to seek recovery help thru my medical provider but my work is in a spot where they need me.

I will keep pretending everything is ok. When my husband gets home tonight I will lie - I will tell him that I yes did call in sick but I will hide the fact that I spent the day drinking wine and checking out from my feelings.

Please can someone help?

[Scott1951]

I'm so sorry you are in this difficult situation. It sounds to me like you already know what you have to do - address your alcohol addiction. I hear that you are high functioning. That work needs you. And that your husband is in the dark. But is it possible that there might be a better life ahead if you were to go ahead and get the treatment you mentioned through your insurance? Work will probably get by without you in spite of what they may say. And it will be embarrassing coming clean to your husband. But it sounds like you are wanting a new and better life. Isn't treatment your only option? Once in treatment you might also get help for your depression and anxiety.

[Hidden]

I agree with Scott. It’s important to get treatment for your alcohol addiction. I really believe that work will function on its own. You are the number one priority. You are a good person. Please don’t be hard on yourself. You don’t need to be perfect. You’re just adding more stress on yourself. We all make mistakes. It’s what we learn that matters. Do not hate yourself. You are hurting and need to talk.

[priyanw]

I'm sorry you're having a rough time. I hear what you're saying on the work need you. I was in a similar situation myself. For me i got to the point where I was unable to work for some time, because the pressure became to much and i didn't have the time to take care of myself. Don't be afraid to put yourself first!!! You're allowed to be the priority, and everyone needs to reach out for help from time to time. I guarantee those who appear they don't are probably people who are feeling what you are right now - just that they're afraid to ask. I think you know what you need, so don't be afraid

[minty123456]

Thanks you for your supportive words. It's just so hard to admit to myself and the world that I don't "got this" and that I need help. I have an inner desire to be the "perfect daughter" so intensely that I almost can't ask for help. I wish one of you were here to hug me and tell me it's ok.

[Hidden in reply to minty123456]

Hello, so sorry to hear about your struggle. I think, no matter who we are, we all need help and support at some point. There's nothing wrong with that - it's not an admission of defeat or weakness. On the contrary, we're stronger together, when we help each other. As for being perfect, well, we all aspire to do better, but we all have areas for improvement. I think, once you reach out for help, you will find it a huge relief and a burden will be lifted from your shoulders. You are not alone. Be kind to yourself and take care,