Potential over-reaction, or real reason to be concerned? (Borderline Personality Disorder, Anxiety, or something else entirely?)

[Feather127]

Hey again, folks. So, as I've previously mentioned, I am dealing with severe anxiety and depression. I've started looking into Borderline Personality Disorder, as a lot of the things I'm experiencing fit into that like puzzle pieces. Extreme fear of abandonment/disappointing others (even going so far as to lying to make sure this doesn't happen, which often makes it worse), pretty severe mood swings, an incessant need to be liked by everybody, feeling like everybody is looking at me/noticing every little thing about me, paranoia/dissociation, almost ridiculous impulsivity/risk taking, emptiness/loneliness, weird self-image/self-identity stuff going on... So, I'm not sure if I'm over-reacting, if this is my anxiety talking and looking for a concrete answer, or if I should pursue this further? Because I know the treatments and such are a bit different...

What do you think?

[Tealribbon]

Good Morning Feather.....I can so relate to fear of abandonment. I'm not sure about BPD, but I do know that I can almost become paralyzed with fear. Not many people understand the intensity and will make comments like "who cares what others think" or "you don't need them" etc etc..... while that is true, my body kicks in to full panic mode. A popular treatment is DBT which is similar to CBT. Also EMDR. My primary fear is generated from family members. I know its my brain overacting and I do my best to redirect my thoughts. I know I am an adult and not the little child who was left. I have no earthly idea why I still care, but I do It sounds like you experienced some type of trauma to set these emotions in motion. And anxiety makes us look at things through a microscope so it's like abandonment issues on steroids. I hope you can find some relief. I certainly understand and empathize. Hugs

[Feather127 in reply to Tealribbon]

Thank you for responding, Teal. That means so much that you took the time to respond.

The paralyzation I can definitely feel. The panic of caring what others think or feel is terrible. I have looked into DBT, and EMDR, but I believe I will have to look into it in relation to my location, so I can actually try it.

I can also empathize with the family members aspect of it all. I try my best to redirect my thoughts, but it doesn't always work, sadly.

Anxiety definitely makes us look at everything through a microscope. Every emotion we feel that is towards us by another person, everything. I try saying that to myself, too. "I'm an adult, why can't I actually deal with this better now?" I guess that's the nature of the beast.

Thank you so much for your response, and for making me realize, in a big way, that I'm not crazy for feeling this way. Many people in my life, mostly family members (haha) make me feel like I'm absolutely bonkers for feeling this way, and I hate it. So, thank you. Hugs back to you, my friend. I, too, hope you can find some relief.

[Tealribbon in reply to Feather127]

Thank you for responding too!!! To avoid saying something stupid I will get quiet but then that creates problems too. If I talk I will cry or have an edge to my voice

I'm not "mean" I'm scared. You know, that's probably how we felt as a child. That's sad to think a young child would feel like that. I'm not saying poor me.....I mean any child. It must have been significant because as adults our brain sets off an alarm of "stop doing what u r doing because u r about to be abandoned ". It's like an overly sensitive fire alarm that goes off when we light a candle. Thank you again for sharing.