You should have met me
before the anxiety
before the depression
before the abuse
hair almost long
skin almost soft
face almost beautiful
I think you would’ve liked me
I could sing loudly to music in my car without the chemicals of my brain reminding me that everyone I have ever loved will die eventually
I could sip on one too many cups of coffee and warm chocolate without my heart being trained to perfectly imitate a heart attack
You should have met me
before my first breakdown
before the imbalance
my hair almost long
my smile almost full
my face.. almost beautiful
I wore skin so soft that even wind could break it
A voice so quiet you would have to walk inside me to hear it
A girl with a dictionary heart
when you tell her you love her
it could mean:
noun: I set the dinner table for you, i got your favorite book at the library
She would never be able to the difference between two words that sounds alike..
You see me now-
eyes fully opened
skin full of scars
a voice that shakes
a different kind of beautiful
Sometimes I miss her
the girl I was before the war
...... but then I wonder if that girl would have been able to survive it.
sometimes I see her in my dreams, standing at the edge of my door
so polite
so patient
so lonely
I reach for her hand
I tell her
come in, I have so much to tell you
xx
for the ones who need to forgive themselves for believing a narcissistic, gaslighting, unwell person,&using your mental health against you
No one talk about what happens to your family after surviving a suicide attempt 
Slaying the Beast: Depression. It is time to stop the silence & have real discussions. You can’t slay a beast you refuse to see.
are you out there?
