More information about my 43 year old son and his wife and 13 yer old twin daughters.

[miles45]

Our son owns a bar and restaurant and is busy all the time, plus he has a bait business too delivering various types of bait. He has not allowed me nor my husband to see our granddaughters since they were in 2nd grade and they are now in 7th grade. Yes, we should not have stopped at his bar restaurant when we did without being invited, and that is when our son began ripping me and my husband to shreds and threatened me and my husband never to see our granddaughters again. The twins always loved to see us when we were invited to their home and tell our son and his wife that we were the best grandma and grandpa ever. Shortly after this visit, our son cut both me and my husband off never to see our granddaughters again. I have tried and tried and tried with our son and his wife, sending them cards, notes of sincere apologies and more all to no avail. I have breast cancer and when we were at his bar restaurant our son told me he did not give a damn about me having cancer. I was stunned by his hard remark about my cancer. Both my husband and I have no idea what to do to make amends to our son as he harps and harps about things that happened many years ago and is either very bitter or unhappy to the nth degree. We did everything we could for our son, his wife and our granddaughters, sadly, nothing was ever good enough for our son and his wife especially. I did go to a counselor and came away with her telling me I need to let all of his attitude and anger go and stay away from all of them and perhaps someday our son's nasty remarks and attitude will change for the better.

[Agora1]

miles45, nothing is more heart wrenching that having to let go of

chronic family issues. There comes a time when the stress of carrying

this emotional pain around for all these years can cause illness. Both

physically and mentally. Your counselor has given you sound advice.

There is nothing more that you can do to convince your son any differently.

Whatever his reasons are, his mind is set in stone and he will have to be the

one to live with this decision the rest of his life.

Your grandchildren won't always be young. As they reach maturity

and become of age, they may make the decision in wanting to see grandma

and grandpa. Your health now, takes priority in reducing your stress.

You need to do this for you and your husband. I care xx

[Sprinkle1]

Hello, I agree with Agora1 completely, Your son has some serious mental issues he needs to deal with, and while he ignores them he will continue to be rude, unkind and stubbon. Stay away from him, why the heck should you make an appt. to go to his restaurant/bar, I bet other people do not. You must concentrate on your health that is your No. 1 priority, being stressed will not help heal your cancer. Do not blame yourself for who he is, I have a brother like that and I gave up contact with him, I did not need the stress and the verbal battering. Do you have any other children you can focus on, and like Agora1 says when the grandchildren get old enough to think for themselves they will probably contact you. Remember, life can be hard and difficult, try to chalk it off to a bad experience. Keep a journal and write down your thoughts and feelings, they will diminish with time. If you need further support , go back to the therapist for some re-assurance, let your husband help you if he can. Cannot think of any thing else to say, so I send you, Peace, courage, love & hugs....Sprinkle 1......

ps. get plenty of rest, and watch fund DVD's, read empowering books.....

[NWGal]

I do agree with your therapist. You've fallen on your sword and nothing changed. Because you have no control over him, all you can do is set healthy boundaries and hope he comes around. It really sounds like he needs more help than you do. I know this is so hurtful for you and always will be. Be good to yourself. Sending you good karma friend.

[Starrlight]

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