Full of Doubt

[Clarissaaa_01]

My father said that because I have anxiety, and I avoid certain things, that I am weak. He said I have no business trying to be a psychologist when I can’t even help myself. Part of me hopes that he’s wrong, but another part of me doesn’t know if he is. Learning about Psychology was never about me helping myself. It was something i’ve been interested in and passionate about for years, well before I even knew what anxiety felt like. I don’t even know what I want to do in the Psych field yet, he just assumes I’ll go work as a Psychologist. I’m two years into working for my BA, and I feel like i’m too far to turn back now. I don’t know what to do or how to feel..

[calicat]

I say you keep pursuing the thing that you are passionate about. I’m sorry your dad is not encouraging. I have just started the book “Maybe You Should Talk to Someone” by Lori Gottlieb. You should look it up! She is a psychologist and talks about how they are people too and need help too. And that’s okay and human.

[Mary-intussuception]

Please don't let negative comments from a parent put you off. Try to rise above such comments and the distraction they can be.

When people say such things - it speaks more of their own shortcomings than it does of those they're critising. Your father may have some unhealed issues from his past, unwittingly repeating negative behaviours that he may have experienced. He may not even realise how damaging such comments could be.

It's up to us not to take them on board and to keep our eyes fixed on our aims. Keep forward moving.

All the best for your future.

God Bless

[BrainFog-Ninja]

Hi Clarissaaa,

With all due respect.... Pish-Posh and Hog-Wash on the unfortunate, and seemingly unsupportive, words from your dad. Did he actually say you are weak bc you have anxiety? Or did he just make you feel that way? Things can be implied, or conveyed, without saying the actual words. And sometimes, our interpretation isn’t anything like the other person intended (esp btw parent and child).

1. I disagree. Anxiety does not mean you are a weak person. Hardly. Learning about similar conditions, and how to cope & over-come takes enormous internal strength,

2. Often professionals w/personal experience have an invaluable wealth of knowledge, and a first-hand kind of empathy for helping others,

3. Your true interests are your own, your career path should not be chosen by anyone but you. Do not be discouraged by people trying to derail your dreams, and/or future career aspirations. That makes no sense...

Most likely you have not believed, and agreed, with everything your father has said to you since birth. Have you?

And it’s not likely you have taken EVERY piece of advice/instruction that your dad has given you (wanted, or otherwise). Right?

If you have...well...this is where you get to be an adult and decide for yourself. If you haven’t, then nothing different about this then.

You don’t have to know what you want to do with your studies yet...just keep going, follow the passion...and the rest will work itself out.

Parents get to live one life, their own. We do not get to live ours and our adult children’s lives.

Advice can be well-meaning, and out of love; however, we know we have done our jobs well, when our adult child stands firmly on their own by saying something like this.....

“Although I appreciate your feedback, this is where I need to step-up and take responsibility for making my future into what I want it to be. I’m excited about what I’ve chosen, and hope I can share it with you, bc your support is important to me.”

My now grown kids eventually said something similar to me when it was their time. That is when I knew I had delivered them safely to the beginning of their young adult lives, and ever since I have let them do it!

Maybe something similar could work for you... 🍄 🌸 🌞

[quitter333]

Well, despite people often opting for soft approach and not the old "just force through it", I think it is smart to listen to older generation too.

They also had SHIT lives and managed to get over a lot of things.

So he may be right about you being weak, and perhaps you need to stop beign so needy, tired and so on and force yourself a little more.

On the other hand you should look for some healthy balance, as more modern thought is that if you have genuine clinical problems (idk if you have those, but let's imagine you have clinical depression which can be only aleviated by drugs) forcing yourself is not the proper approach.

And third - while intensely overcoming problems works for some people, I have come to think (and I am pretty intense person) that consistent small steps are actually a good, perhaps better, approach.

I.e. - you consistently work on any problems you have and they are almost guaranteed to eventually stop being problems. It is opposed to confronting your fears intensely and hard, hoping that experience will allow you to "get over it" (as our older generation did). E.g. if you are shy, opening up a little, BUT CONSISTENTLY MORE perhaps is better than to just suddenly jump into being extrovert and risk being shut down.

So we can refute the argument of your father - even if you cannot jump into success, you will most probably on average achieve more than jumpers, if you consistently work on it. Think about what kind of person in life you are - a professional stuntman (who develops and prepares before jump), or a hothead, who takes chances and can tolerate high risks.

..

And other thing - well, it is your life, and don't listen to nay sayers. srs. Out of respect listen to father, but it does not need to mold you as a person. If you have a vision, it is your vision. You do and complete it.

youtube.com/watch?v=EyhOmBP...(Not working as expected?)

[Kindhearted]

I know it’s tough cos u care what your old man thinks but at the end of the day . It’s your life . Not his. U already two years in . Keep pushing. Don’t give up. Trust I wish I finished college : u will regret it if u don’t. Anxiety sucks . I deal with it myself . So I understand. Don’t give up and forget about ur father thinks... no offense . It’s your life and how u want to live it

[sweetiepye]

We all avoid things, everyone of us, including your father. This is your one life to live, so make it what you want it to be. Your Father is living his, he doesn't get to live yours too. People who learn to over come their anxieties become quite strong and quietly courageous. I would suspect your Father is bothered by his own fear which he sees reflected in you. Make sense? Pam

[Mrspjsmom]

Follow your instincts and get your degree. You aren't weak. As my husband explained it to me when I started suffering from anxiety and depression it's a medical condition. If you have high blood pressure you take medicine. If levels of certain hormones in your brain are causing depression you take medicine. The problem is there is still a stigma regarding mental illness. Perhaps your father is frustrated that he can't help you and that led to his comment.

[Rachel2535]

Somethings through helping and learning to help other people we end up helping ourselves. Most counselors and psychologists get into it because they have been impacted by many events in their life that have given them the drive to want to help others. No one is without some sort of brokenness. When you have discovered or learned how to help with that brokenness of course you are going to want to share it. For instance I went into a similar field....to help the broken become whole not because of anything I do but because what God can do. I only know this because He did it for me after 25 years of suicidal ideation....through therapy and His healing I am free from that. After years of education I now have the opportunity to help others. I pray you continue your calling what ever that may be. -Rachel