Where’s the light? I don’t see it

[Notsureimnotalone14]

It’s happening again. I’m letting myself go. It’s hard to explain but I’m always tired. I’m worn out. Work keep demanding more and I’m always the one to jump at saving them from being understaffed. On top of that, people keep saying things about me that aren’t true. And it’s getting tiresome to defend myself. This dark hole just keeps getting deeper and I don’t know where it’ll end. Since I last posted I’ve stopped harming myself but I still feel like a shadow of a person right now. I don’t know what to do. Money is extremely tight. I’m just tired of barely making it but it seems to be the only constant thing in my life

[Hidden]

Despite going through a very difficult time you managed not to hurt yourself. That is something you should be so proud of. It is not an easy cycle to break yet you have managed to. I am sorry things are so difficult at work.

[Notsureimnotalone14 in reply to Hidden]

It’s like this load on my shoulders just keeps getting heavier and it’s so tempting. So tempting

[Hidden in reply to Notsureimnotalone14]

Do you have a therapist at the moment? That could help you lighten the load.

[Notsureimnotalone14 in reply to Hidden]

No I don’t

[Hidden in reply to Notsureimnotalone14]

Could that be something you could look into? I have found therapy to really help.

[Notsureimnotalone14 in reply to Hidden]

Yeah maybe.

[Hidden in reply to Notsureimnotalone14]

It would give you the chance to really open up and that will lighten the load for you.

[Notsureimnotalone14 in reply to Hidden]

I’ll look into it but I’ll be honest I’m scared

[Hidden in reply to Notsureimnotalone14]

What is it about therapy that scares you?

[Notsureimnotalone14 in reply to Hidden]

Uh all of it. Most of all is maybe the fact I have to admit to myself I need to tell someone about my problems. Maybe because I just want to forget about everything and not talk about it

[Hidden in reply to Notsureimnotalone14]

I can understand that but just because you have therapy, does not mean you have severe problems. I think everybody could do with therapy at times. It is easier to just block it all out but I think then it eats at you inside.

[Notsureimnotalone14 in reply to Hidden]

That’s an easy way of thinking about it. It makes sense.

[Hidden in reply to Notsureimnotalone14]

I find therapy has helped me understand myself a lot better then I did.

[Notsureimnotalone14 in reply to Hidden]

And it’s helped you with stress and stuff like that?

[Hidden in reply to Notsureimnotalone14]

Yes it did. One of the things that was causing me the most stress was my toxic family. Therapy helped me to see it and now I no longer have them in my life.

[Notsureimnotalone14 in reply to Hidden]

I’m glad to hear that. Sorry about your family

[Hidden in reply to Notsureimnotalone14]

Thank you. I hope you are able to contact a therapist for an appointment.

[Notsureimnotalone14 in reply to Hidden]

I’ll really look into it

[TheBooG]

I hate when people at a company talks bad about another employee. I hope you conquer this situation and everything works in your favor

[Notsureimnotalone14 in reply to TheBooG]

Thank you.

[Megs64]

Been down that road myself love. Perhaps saying no once in awhile, you owe it to yourself. Give yourself a little treat now and again. When I’d had enough one day I walked out. Best the thing I did xx

[Notsureimnotalone14 in reply to Megs64]

It’s harder for me to say no to work cuz I live by myself and the bills are piling up

[Megs64 in reply to Notsureimnotalone14]

Your health is more important lol ve, that’s what I used to think, if u get in touch with ur creditors I’m sure if u xplain they will understand,sounds like ur run down too, try a multivitamin for awhile be kind to yourself xx

[Notsureimnotalone14 in reply to Megs64]

Thank you. I’ll look into it

[Megs64 in reply to Notsureimnotalone14]

God bless xx

[lovetodance2018]

I am glad you reached out on this site. I agree with Autumday. Therapy really helps talk things out and become aware of yourself and things that we are holding onto from the past . Also you should be very proud of yourself with everything you are going through that you didn't cut. That is is something to celebrate. I have been on this self-awareness journey and having support of my health and life coach has really helped. It is important we have someone who can support us and encourage us. One thing I have learned is to give myself a break and not focus on my circumstances. Also, to be curious about things that happen in my life and not critical or judgemental. I have been journaling every day the things I am grateful for in my life. Seeing things we can celebrate in our life and not focusing on the negative really makes a difference in how we perceive things in our life. I also read a daily devotional which encourages me and pray each day. One of my favorite poems is footprints in the sand, which shows that God is with us all the time, but carries us through the tough times. bit.ly/2x04tJ5 I will be praying for you and do recommend seeing a counselor soon. Please continue to keep in touch, know you are not alone. We are here for you. God Bless.

[Notsureimnotalone14 in reply to lovetodance2018]

I needed that reminder. Thank you so much. Once my money issues get figured out I think I’ll try to find a therapist for sure.

[lovetodance2018 in reply to Notsureimnotalone14]

I will be praying for your money issue. In the meantime, I know many churches that provide counseling. Mine has counseling and it has been very helpful. Pastors also provide counseling at times. Check out a local church, they usually don't charge or do it on a payment system. I hope you are doing better today. God Bless!