Nobody Knows

Hi I'm new. Since last week, all i hear is so-called friends and people telling me that this is how I should live my life. That I should be doing this and that for my future. They don't know my problems. They don't know what's going on with my life but they all kept insisting that their choices for me are right. I am so fed up with them. Why don't they just leave me a alone and mind their own lives. I am not even asking them for help.

[deana_m]

Hi Jewelmoon17, I completely understand you. I recently shifted away from friends and family because of there overbearing advice. I know they are coming from a place of good faith and don't want to see you hurt, but overall they don't feel what we feel and what may work for them could worsen us. Everyone strength and weakness varies. Find your own way as I am doing. I recently told friends and family that I do not want to further discuss any problems or current emotions I have, I rather vent to my psychologist or therapist.

[Hidden in reply to deana_m]

thank you for you tips. yeah it's a learning lesson for me. i'll keep my life private from these people whom i know I can't really trust.

[Hidden]

It is not very nice when the people in your life try to tell you what to do. I like deana_m's idea of saying they do not want to discuss things with them and would rather talk to a therapist. Maybe that could work for you too.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

yes it would surely work. At least a therapists knows what we are going through and can really understand our point of view. Respect our opinions that these so called friends of mine can't.

[AnIslandOfPeace]

Living your life your way is a great idea but one way or another, family is a very essential part of our lives. You don't want their advice, that's great but you don't have to push them away. It's better to get a better life with your family in it, there's no greater life than that. I hope you feel better though.

[Hidden in reply to AnIslandOfPeace]

Thank you. I truly appreciate the comforting words and advice here. True, family will still be there when the wall comes crumbling down on me again. When depression hits me hard. My so called friends and colleagues at work is trying to manipulate my life. It gets me so stressed out. That I'll keep my problems from my so called friends.

[AnIslandOfPeace in reply to Hidden]

That's good. Be fine please.

[Hidden in reply to AnIslandOfPeace]

Thank you.

[Esther228]

Hi there,

I know how difficult it is to be receiving unsolicited advice. I remember when I was single how my brother wanted so much to help me with my life. He was so insistent in his wishes for me to be doing what he thought was right. This is what I said to him and maybe it will help you, too.

“I really appreciate your advice, but what works for you in your life may not work for me. So, please do not be angry that I am not doing things the way you think I should, it isn’t because your advice is bad, it is just that it is not how I do things, because I am not you.”

For me, my brother cared so much and was worried about me and my sons and that caused him to want to look out for me and fix things for me. He seemed to understand that I worked through my problems a bit differently than him. Sometimes we just want someone to listen, right?

[Hidden in reply to Esther228]

Well said, yes that's all I am asking. A listener not somebody to tell me what to do and how to really fix it. Cause in the end, only us can really find the solution to our problems. I truly agree with what you told your brother. That's exactly what I want to tell these people. Thank you.

[NeuronerdDoaty]

Opinions are like armpits; everyone has two.

And here is where you learn the ancient technique of ‘The Smile and Nod’. You are allowed to think anything in your head while they go on about your life, tuck the info away because you never know what might come in handy later, and smile and nod.

I taught my son this. About a year later I was astounded he was doing The Smile and Nod at *me*! Oh no no my dear pup!

We laughed to tears.

Another technique is practicing how many types of inflections you can put on ‘mmm-hmmm’. Nobody’s feelings get hurt and you’ll find some genuine nuggets of necessity in the mountain of nonsense.

Best of luck to you luv

Doaty💛

[Hidden in reply to NeuronerdDoaty]

Ahh, that's a good one too. Thank you.