Need some help on healthy ways to express and understand how I feel

[Ginger289]

So I have recently began to acknowledge I do have a problem with anxiety and everything is not controllable. It took me losing my girlfriend to get here. I am determined though to fight this and win her back. She is my soulmate and we are destined to be together. I just need help vocalizing what's going on in an appropriate way. Any suggestions?

[TrustnGod]

Hello Ginger289. I’m sorry to hear about your breakup.

Firstly, acknowledgement is key. It’s not easy acknowledging that you have anxiety because that means you then have to deal with it but it must be done. Secondly, understand what anxiety is. Anxiety is a chemical imbalance in the brain that causes your body to constantly fire false signals to the rest of your body (which is why anxiety can manifest as physical symptoms). Lastly, acceptance is key. The best way to heal from anxiety is to accept what it is and allow it to be. The best way I’ve ever had anxiety explained to me is as a fire. You wouldn’t ever pour gasoline in a fire as an attempt to put it out would you? No. Anxiety is the same except unlike fire, its only fuel is what you put it in. Fighting it, freaking out about it, or ignoring it is the equivalent of that gasoline. Instead you must accept that the anxiety is there and go about your life even though it is there. When you don’t attend to it, it has nothing to feed off of.

But please please please understand that nothing is wrong with you, you aren’t crazy or anything like that. Like I said, as mental of a problem as anxiety is, it also has that physical component to it. Something has caused the chemicals in your brain to become imbalanced, and you’re here as a result. You’re going to make it through.

~Lia

[Ginger289 in reply to TrustnGod]

Thanks I needed to hear that. I believe if I can work on my communication and better explain what's going on I can work on getting her back. I just don't know how to go about putting what's in my head into words or how to not put the way I feel on other people. Everyone doesn't think or feel like me and sometimes I forget that and then my brain runs off on these crazy tangents of dissecting every detail of what happened and then I go full blown panic on the inside and that turns into rejection which turns into sadness and I need help figuring out how to stop that.

[hypercat54 in reply to TrustnGod]

Love your analogy of a fire and it's so true x

[LilyAnnepuppy]

I went for professional help with a psychiatrist (meds) and therapist (could to change the tings I can. That’s what is working for me. Keep posting and let us know how you’re doing. Lynne

[Joanne1972]

You could try writing things down privately...anything that pops into your head...write it down. Just to get the words out, scribble things, get everything out on paper. No one is going to read this as you can burn it when you are done but it helps getting the jumble out of your head.

It doesn't need to make any sense what you are writing...it could be just random words, scribbles, drawings. When you feel like there's nothing left to write.

Take a break then

Decide which words you want back in your head, which make sense or are reasonable and true.

These are probably the words and feelings you could express as they no longer mixed in with all the other stuff you wrote down n didn't want to put back

By burning your writing after you are destroying those thoughts and feelings and words you no longer need or are appropriate for your future happiness. Feel them being released and going up in smoke

If it's unsafe to burn the you could tear up and put them into the ground to decay away....maybe in a nice healing place or a place you feel good, so those unhelpful appropriate words can be decayed and healed so they can no longer exist

Hope this helps finding your truthful words

Jo

[Ginger289]

I love this idea and I think I will try it. My brain let's the sad words rule and the slip out and it ends up hurting other people unintentionally. If I get rid of them they can't do it anymore. Thanks for the encouraging words and help.

[fauxartist]

Writing for one thing is very cathartic, and also if there is something that you like specifically that makes you feel good about you, some kind of positive self expression, like physical activities....cooking, photography, gardening, art work, anything that makes you feel good about yourself. Sometimes volunteer work with groups that help others can make us feel good about ourselves and get us out of our own heads for a while.

[Ginger289 in reply to fauxartist]

I will try those things. I miss learning new crafts. I think I will go crack open my hand lettering book that has sat unused for a year and finally try to figure out that whole calligraphy thing. Maybe it will make the time pass.

[kevinloveslen]

Hello Ginger289

Though I do not know your entire situation, there are a few reading suggestions that I can offer that might be helpful. They have really helped me in my quest to be a better husband, father, man, etc.

1. Goleman, D (1994). Emotional Intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ. New York, NY: Bantam Books.

2. Cloud, H., Townsend, J. (1992). Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No. To Take Control of Your Life. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Press.

3. Feldhahn, S. & Feldhahn, J. (2006). For Men Only: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women. Colorado Springs, CO: Multnomah Books.

I would also recommend my favorite book, The Holy Bible (NIV or ESV). There are so many things contained within that tell a man how to get along with a woman and vice versa. However, I also found that it is difficult to understand without first submitted to the authority of Christ. This may sound weird at first, but the Bible is all about Jesus, from the beginning to the end. I finally accepted Him as my savior in 2003. In 2007 I was married and now we have 4 young children. He will change your life if you will let Him.

I am praying for you. May God bless you,

Kevin