Resentment

[Magicdreamer]

Hi All, so, I've been taping into aspects of myself and have come across resentment. Has anyone else processed their resentment and reached true forgiveness and if so, what tips do you have? Xx

[lillyofthevalley37]

What worked for me was realising that anyone who has done me wrong will get paid back by God and all I have to do is trust God's judgement He knows best and will make a better job of it than me so no need to seethe with resentment just let God deal with it

Vengeance is Mine said the Lord

They may not get paid back today of tomorrow but they will no bad deed goes unpunished bc God knows everthing

[Magicdreamer in reply to lillyofthevalley37]

Isn't that revenge?

[lillyofthevalley37 in reply to Magicdreamer]

You mentioned forgiveness which I assumed was for wrongdoing

[Magicdreamer in reply to lillyofthevalley37]

I'm gonna say thank you for your response but I believe NOT in religion and theories of God being outside of me. Thank you though.

[LilyAnnepuppy]

I work on my anger/annoyances daily. And I try to deal with them as they arise. I look at the person place or thing I am annoyed or angry at and see what trait of mine is triggered. Is it my fear, social standing, self worth (ego), financial insecurity, sex (jealousy, fear, insecurity etc). Sometimes it’s me who has to apologize depending on how I reacted to the triggers. I can also look at the other person’s percentage in the interaction (no one is EVER 100% wrong or right) and forgive them because they are imperfect like me. I forgive myself for my dereliction, as well

Now I believe that a resentment is just anger held for more than 24 hours. So for the long standing resentments, I make a list of the people, places and things I’m resentful at. I write down the cause and then the third column is “it affects my: (fear, insecurity, social standing etc).” Usually I will talk over my part in the mess with an understanding friend who will be honest with me about my faults.

There are 10 more steps in this process (any 12-Step program). But I won’t go into them here. But I will say that for the moment, I am resentment free and could run into anyone from my past and not be still angry with them. It’s a miracle I’ve been blessed to in some small part have made myself ready to receive.

I no longer have to beat myself over the head with resentment against another. It was making me very sick, before I began the practice.

Unfortunately 12-Step Programs are not for everyone. But if you’re an alcoholic (AA), gambling addict (GA), sex addict (SA), drug addict (NA), emotional problems (EA), are close in some way to an alcoholic (ALANON),...you are welcome to attend. There’s probably more I might have forgotten.

So to answer your question, that’s what I do.

[Magicdreamer in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

Wow! That's so insightful. Thank you for sharing. I realise it's a process and I've just acknowledged it and have discovered a technique which I'm trying so your story gives me faith that I can overcome it and turn the self punishment into forgiveness. Thank you so much. Xxx

[Nom-D-Ploom in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

Pride. Pride is a biggie for me.

[LilyAnnepuppy in reply to Nom-D-Ploom]

It’s no wonder I forgot Pride! My biggest. If there were a lapel button for humility, I’d wear it😱

[Nom-D-Ploom]

I have resentment. I told my parents I forgave them, but it seems like resentment is my go-to. I work my way out of it, but a few words can bring it all back.

[NWGal]

I felt intense resentment toward my mother who suicided in 1988. She had Bipolar I disorder and my youth was a virtual nightmare because of it. Lots of emotional abuse. She was so wrapped up in her disorder she was not emotionally available for me and my brother (who became a heroin addict and overdosed in 1999). With that said, when I became older, I realized my resentment contributed to my own depression and anxiety. I decided that I would no longer let her control my mental well being. In addition, having mental disorders myself, I tried to imagine what it would be like to be in her brain - she must have suffered a lot. In retrospect, she really should have not adopted my brother and I but in the 50's it was expected to have children. In closing, I suggest you try to find some way of letting it go - for your own sake. Good karma coming your way!

[Nom-D-Ploom in reply to NWGal]

You are right. My father has dementia now. It is too late for him to ever admit and repent of his cruelty. That's an empty feeling.

[LilyAnnepuppy in reply to NWGal]

NWGal, I identify with an unavailable mother due to her mental illness. She was a major depressive with suicidal tendencies. Since I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorder a few years ago ( and had a breakdown), I have much more compassion for her. Especially during the ‘50s and ‘60s. I think we’re in the dark ages with mental illness today, but it was much worse in those decades. My father was a periodic drunk and I chose to forgive him, too. Thanks for your share.

[Magicdreamer in reply to NWGal]

That's the type of answer I'm looking for so thank you and I have so much respect for you and your pain and it takes a great Warrior to go through what you have gone through. Thank you for sharing your bravery with me. Love and and Light. Xxx

[LilyAnnepuppy]

I forgive others so I can be comfortable in my own skin. And if I’m telling them I forgive them, only to get a certain time reaction from them, then I have to examine my motives.

[imasleep123]

What helped me get through my feelings of resentment was the thought that the people who hurt me may never realize or fully understand what they did wrong, and my knowing the truth of the situation was enough for me. My suggestion is to try to see the situation from everyone’s perspective. When I did that I realized that the people involved were incapable of fully understanding what they put me through, it wasn’t worth my time to dwell on it and it wasn’t worth my time to try to reason with them. So At that point I just gave up on my feelings of resentment and started doing my best to be a better person for myself.

[Magicdreamer in reply to imasleep123]

That's a super awesome response and it helps me a great deal. Yeah, trying to see if from another perspective and seeing their own state of being would help me understand better. Thank you so much. Love and light. Xxx

[All_alone in reply to imasleep123]

I really think this response is great. I will see if looking at my situation like this could help. I hope so..... thank you

[Magicdreamer]

Ok.... Yeah, um.....interesting. thank you but no thank you.