Visiting family

[Suzhou]

Today I drove to go see my dad. About halfway through my visit I kinda just wanted to cry and be alone. Does anyone else get this feeling when they are out or visiting someone. How do you get through it?

[SmilesLots]

I cry in the car while driving sometimes. I do struggle to put on a good face in front of others and some days it is extremely difficult. I hope you don't feel like crying anymore.

[Suzhou in reply to SmilesLots]

The car is definitely my crying place too. but I do feel better. I hate having to put on a good face but I also don’t want all the questions that comes with it ya know.

[Kkimm in reply to SmilesLots]

The car was often my safe place to cry too. Crying can be a release and help I find because I find it difficult to cry.

Hope you are feeling better.

Kim

[Hidden]

Hi Suzhou

I’m sorry you have been upset.

I find some of my family members trigger me, and make me feel upset. Not their fault..I have sub conscious memories of the past which are sad so it starts a whole process of sadness and sometimes I feel I want to leave ..it’s tricky. I don’t see them often so I feel that’s good for me.

And I tend to plan things so them and I have an idea when I will be leaving....it’s all rather complex with my family....

I hope you feel better xx

[Suzhou in reply to Hidden]

I do feel better. I came home and read a book for the rest of the day 🖤🖤 ya sometimes hanging out with family makes me think of the old days which can be sad

[Hidden in reply to Suzhou]

Oh good I’m glad you have been able to chill a little , it does help..

And I’m just the same, sometimes family can trigger me into thoughts of the past, some good some bad...

You are not alone x

[NoRegret in reply to Hidden]

Hi Suzhou,

I'm sorry that was hard for you to drive to see your dad, did you go? stop and cry or turn around? Is there unsettled issues, health issues, communication problems? Can you identify what is causing the anxiety or emotion? Be kind to yourself.

Hi Olivia40,

Your post stirred me to just vent my feelings right now: Thank you

I see myself in your post but I keep pursuing my very trigger (my son) he is 45, so it has been 30 years now that I have been flipping around like a fish out of water trying to get his attention. Well actually, I have lived near him, in a different state than him. over and over.

I gave birth as a teen and raised him every day of his life until he left home to marry.

I have emotional pain from past things he has said and then we never resolve it. He doesn't communicate hardly at all with me. I struggle with and have inappropriate expectations of visits and calls. My only 2 grandkids are his. I love his wife but I'm jealous of the time spent with her family and my x too. Awh man, I really allow "how family is" to tear me up (Sometimes) I know I have social anxiety disorder and when I have had an episode is when, I should have evaluated being in the situation in the first place. (too many people, too loud, my x's attendance, and how much I have been fixating on my son etc.etc) all play apart. After decades of therapy and different types of meds there is definitely more months/years between my episodes. It has been a lot of hard work and I am not over SAD by any means but I manage it better. I have an awareness now of trying to be nice to me.

[Hidden in reply to NoRegret]

Hi GmaK

Well done to you for gaining knowledge around it all and having therapy. It’s not easy, but managing things, can make it lighter. Sometimes it works more than others. Doing something about how we feel and finding out reasons why all very much helps. That awareness of being nice to you is a great thing in my opinion.

I too have social anxiety, it’s not a straight forward thing at all and affects a lot of situations.

I wish you well xxx

[NoRegret in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much for your kind words

[Agora1]

Yes I do Suzhou, and it is harder if they are in my house. I like to be able

to leave when I want to. I find at times I have all I can do to listen to the

idle chatter of my daughter or sister. After a while, I just want some quiet

around me. You're not alone in feeling like that. xx

[Suzhou in reply to Agora1]

Alone time is everything 🖤🖤

[Agora1 in reply to Suzhou]

Suzhou, I spent so much time during my life working with the general public

that I can appreciate the quiet time of meditation and deep breathing. xx

[Hidden in reply to Agora1]

Had to say Agora, this so resonates with me, especially the part about being able to leave when we need to..hate the trapped feeling.

Sending good wishes your way xx🌹🌹

[Wishingforpeace]

Do you get this feeling when visiting anyone or is it more so when visiting family? I don’t have a good relationship with either of my siblings and literally cannot be in the same room with my sister because she is a basket case who’s always yelling at her kids and it makes me so anxious and uncomfortable that I feel “off” for days after a visit with her. I’ve actually had to stop spending time with her completely because I can’t handle her energy. It sucks but I feel like someone who is already naturally anxious cannot be around people who are so unaware of themselves that they blame others for their own issues. Any chance any of that is happening with you?

[Suzhou in reply to Wishingforpeace]

I was feeling down because I’m moving and starting over again. I have been struggling with college and I just felt like my dad was judging me a little. I know he means the best and wants me to make a lot of money but that’s just not going to happen. It kind of hurts seeing him cook dinner and buy all these things. Because when he was with my mom he would never cook and then never went out on their anniversary because it was “ to much money “ . Idk so maybe that triggered me today. I also just wanted to have a me day and stay in bed and read a book. But I went out with my dad because I felt bad that I don’t see him as often and with me moving to go to college I’ll see him less

[Wishingforpeace in reply to Suzhou]

That’s understandable. Family doesn’t generally mean to put pressure on us but unfortunately it happens. You may want to try to talk to your dad about how he makes you feel. Are you comfortable doing that? Maybe if you try to reassure him that this is what they want then maybe he will relax a bit. Parents just want the best for us but they need to learn when to back off and let us live the way we want to.

[Suzhou in reply to Wishingforpeace]

I’ve been depressed since middle school and I’ve never really told my family. But I’ve kinda let my mom in a little about how much I’m struggling so she understands a little. My dads just kinda make money so you don’t depend on anyone type of person. Which I’m glad he wants me to make money but sometimes it’s to much. I know he means well.

[Suzhou in reply to Wishingforpeace]

I tend to not talk to anyone about my feelings. And I feel like if I talked to him I would just end up crying.

[Hidden in reply to Suzhou]

Suzhou I’m the same 😊

[Suzhou in reply to Hidden]

It’s good to know I’m not alone.

[Hidden in reply to Suzhou]

You are not alone. 😊

[Want2BHappy3]

How old are you? (A minor) I have trouble leaving the house most of the time... Period. This is common with people who have anxiety. Are you in counseling? If not you should?

[Suzhou in reply to Want2BHappy3]

I had a bad experience with counseling when I was younger so I’m having a hard time going back. I know I should but it’s hard.

[Gjkas]

Hi there, i just read your message and I'm sorry you feel that bad. Even though my Husband has to drive me everywhere,i have to stop him sometimes because I hurt so much.I don't really know what to say that can help you because I haven't been out of the house for years because of the pain. I have a hospital appointment this afternoon and im absolutely dreading it I know that when I get there i will be blubbering. So i will have to go to the Ladies to get myself together. I have Chronic fibromyalgia & rheumatoid arthritis and it's affected every part of my life...Depression, Anxiety, Panic attacks, you name it im getting it.Most of the time I want to be alone. I just want to cry my eyes out. Have you been to your G.P.and told them what's going on. You need Professional help and don't be afraid to ask for it..The trouble is people can't see it, so they don't know. Please go to your Doctors before it gets any worse for you, because LONELINESS is a terrible thing no matter what your age is. You can be in a room full of people and still feel lonely i know, Ive been there. Hope you feel better soon but please seek advice from your Doctor. Take care. Gjkas

[Suzhou in reply to Gjkas]

I do find myself feeling lonely often. I have a hard time reaching out to people. I had a bad experience with therapy when I was younger so that’s probably why. I know I should see someone but it’s just hard.

[Gjkas in reply to Suzhou]

Hi Suzhou,just got back from the hospital and I just feel like s t. On top of everything else i have to go back in hospital and have a bone taken out of one side of my wrist and have my thumb pinned and screwed back into where it should be on the other side of my wrist. At the moment it's fell out of place and into the palm of my hand, very painful at the moment. Really scared and a bag of nerves. NOW I FEEL LIKE CRYING..Anyway, enough about me. Why did you have to have therapy when you were younger. What caused you to have therapy in the 1st place. I'm not being nosey, but sometimes its easier to talk to people you don't know, than people you do know. I find it hard to reach out to people for help or advice. Ive always been independent and sorted stuff out myself. Perhaps that's partly what caused my illness, I DON'T KNOW. But anytime you feel like getting it off your chest, you know where i am. I know it's hard, but honestly you can get through it. I can't touch you, but close your eyes and imagine I'm giving you a hug. My Son bought me a huge TEDDY BEAR a few years ago, and when I feel so very tired of life i go upstairs and give him a GREAT BIG HUG, and tells him what's troubling me. I'm not nuts or anything like that, but somehow it does help me.Dont forget. If you need someone to talk to. I'm here for you. Take care. Love From Glojo

[Gillyflower18]

Wow, this rang a bell with me. Seeing family is always a trial for me. I just want to escape. My sister drives me up the walls and they are always being nasty with each other. My anxiety just ramps up every time. I try to limit my visits for my own good. Like you I wish it were different but it is what it is! Hope you’re feeling better!

[Suzhou in reply to Gillyflower18]

Family can be difficult. It’s hard to watch them fight. I watch my mother fight with her mom ( my grandma ) all the time and it’s hard to watch. I know family means well but I wish my dad understood I’m not going to have the life he has when I’m older. Like I’m on a different path.