Fighting the urge...help!!

[Brightfuture22]

So, here I am again. Dizzy, anxious because I’m dizzy, which in turn probably makes me even more dizzy. I have been doing fairly well, I haven’t taken an Ativan in 8 days, I’ve been working on riding out my anxiety attacks/dizzy spells without medically stopping them. But then my uncle passed away on Monday, unexpectedly. We still don’t know why and my aunt opted out of having an autopsy done, so we will never know.

This sent my health anxiety into a downward spiral. My uncle saw his doctor TWO DAYS before he died because he wasn’t feeling well, now he’s gone. Of course I am devastated, but because of my mental illness, I am also scared shitless that the doctors are gonna miss something and I too will die. I have been dizzy every day for the last 3 weeks. This dizziness/feeling like I’m gonna pass out is new. I’ve had anxiety for years and never had this. So it must be something real, not anxiety fabricated, right? Like that’s how my brain sees it.

I am fighting the urge to go to the hospital, I’ve been twice for this dizziness and each time they tell me nothing is wrong. They don’t know what the lightheadedness is, but it’s not emergent according to them. Though they’ve never done an MRI or CT, so I don’t get how they can say that, but who knows.

I don’t want to go to the hospital, but this anxiety spiral I’m in right at this moment is telling me to RUNNNN to the hospital if I want to live. :(( IDK what to do. :(( Do I go, or do I stay? I wish these attacks of lightheadedness and dizziness would stop. Like I hate feeling like I am going to pass out, or like someone is shaking my brain.

Ugh, anxiety sucks. Sadness and the death of loved ones sucks. Mental illness in general sucks.

[Hidden]

Hi, I am sorry for your loss and the health anxiety as well. Instead of going to the hospital, can you make an appointment with your doctor and have blood works and tests ran to check that everything is ok? Also, dizziness could be the Ativan withdrawal. It’s always good to get checked out by a doctor, but not necessarily by going to the hospital.

[Brightfuture22 in reply to Hidden]

I have had the blood tests and other tests done, both at hospital, through my primary care, and even went to see my cardiologist. They all say they don’t see any reason for me to be dizzy medically so it must be my anxiety. :/ I don’t know that I believe that, as this is a new symptom, but what can I do. I was lucky in that my primary care was willing to put through for a MRI. So I’ll have that done a week from today. Hoping it’s negative, but wishing I could figure out what the heck is wrong with me that I’m lightheaded all the time now.

Thank you for your response! I truly appreciate it! ❤️

[NeuronerdDoaty]

I’m so sorry for your loss.

May I ask why you don’t want to take the medication? I respect your feelings.

I look at it like this. I just let my diabetic husband eat a cupcake. I’ll adjust his insulin accordingly. Your brain is an organ too. When it gets depleted of certain neurotransmitters why do you withhold its ‘insulin’?

I hope you feel better soon. 💛

Doaty

[Brightfuture22 in reply to NeuronerdDoaty]

Thank you for your condolences.

I am trying to not rely on the Ativan to temporarily fix my anxiety. I don’t want to be on it for the rest of my life. I was only taking it every couple of days, not every day. Now I’ve gone 8 days without it. I am working on creating healthy habits to defeat my anxiety, basically the mindfulness or “ride it out” method. This is at the suggestion of my psychologist.

Does that make sense?

Cheers!

[NeuronerdDoaty in reply to Brightfuture22]

Yes