I don’t know how to live anymore

When I was 12 years old my father took his own life and in the years before he died I was both physically and emotionally abused. Now I’m left here and I have no clue what to do. I have a very severe anxiety disorder, I’ve got depression, PNES which is psychogenic seizures, PTSD, and dissociative disorder. I don’t get along with anyone in my family very well and I have barely any trust for my mother and tell her absolutely nothing because she basically just tells me that I’m fine or that it doesn’t matter. So I find myself needing someone to be there for me at anytime so badly but I have a very hard time asking for help. I just recently found my best friend/boyfriend and he loves me unconditional and would do anything to help me. He listens and will sit with me for hours if that’s what I need, but I feel so bad for needing his help so often and he tells me not to apologizing but it just makes me feel like I’m failing at life because I need his help so often. I go see a counselor once a week but the issue is that I need help a large amount of the time especially when I have seizures because I have no control over them and it’s not epileptic seizures that I could take medicine for there is no way to control these seizures and it makes me feel so helpless. I also just want to be happy. I definitely want to be alive I just need to learn how to balance out my mental health disorders and I would like to learn how to be happy again

[Lostmyself27]

Are you my long lost twin? My mom took her life when I was 13. I was also emotionally and physically abused by her. She put me through the wringer years beforehand leading to her passing.

I am constantly lost too. I feel like a 5 year old in a 30 year olds body who needs someone to hold their hand through EVERYTHING and give constant reassurance. Thank goodness you have a partner who is understanding toward you.

I have seizures too. Non epileptic as well.

I'm in weekly counseling too (but I dont think my counselor connects with me well)

I had to start with my stress. Small baby steps. What is one thing you can remember or recall that makes or made you happy?

I'll be here for you!