Lonely

[BrettS119]

I've felt pretty alone and stressed out today. I can't seem to feel like I'm loved in life. Nonetheless, I'm hurting myself even more by refusing to participate in social events through my church or anywhere around me. I'm either too afraid or too tired or too unwilling. My desire for friendships is very low, so I don't really understand why I feel this way.

[NeuronerdDoaty]

Because you’re human my dear. We’re social animals. We form societies and families big and small. You can be an introvert but still occasionally need another human, even want a hug. Book clubs and gyms are good for this. Dog parks. Card groups. I shoot pool on a team. Just a tad of peopling every now and then. I hope tomorrow is better for you.

[Lulu02]

Whenever I get depressed my mum would always make me do one thing which was to go to the dog park. It was a place I could never get anxious at especially with my social anxiety because we would all talk about the same thing and if I didn’t wanna talk I’d just walk around the park which was also socially acceptable there (plus cute pups). This advice is obviously only helpful if you own a dog but it gets you outside and there are no expectations of you.

[Hidden]

I've always had anxiety around social situations but I feel like I've hardly ever had the motivation to form friendships with other people. I feel alien in this way always hearing how humans are social creatures but I rarely can relate to this desire. Luckily, I'm married to a more outgoing person who, by her personality, pushes me out of my comfort zone socially. Otherwise I'd probably be one of those people trying to live of the grid.

[onthetrail]

To extend the dog park idea, it's about finding some social environment that works for your personality. Some place non-threatening where you might meet like-minded people. Also, if you really don't feel motivated, you can try turning the tables. Make it not about you, but about the other people. How can you help them? Sometimes, when I'm feeling down or anxious it helps to take an interest in others. Ask them questions, find out what's going on their lives. There is usually some point of connection that winds up making me feel better.

[Junella]

I can relate to this. I live in and grew up in a rural area. It's not so rural now and actually a few miles from lots of stores and activities. Nevertheless, the loneliness of childhood still haunts me since I retired. Even when there are places to go, I have felt like it is too much trouble to make the effort. I do have my husband, and he tries. I am finding, however, that I literally have to force myself to go out and participate in church, to the gym (pool), and other places. It's getting easier. I suffer from illness anxiety and have to constantly get my mind off myself (knowing how this started with childhood trauma doesn't change anything). The best thing that's happened to me is that biblical admonition to "pray without ceasing" and so when my thoughts go negative or when I have trouble doing things, I just pray it away. ANTs (automatic negative thoughts) cause bad feelings and one can go into circular thinking. So I acknowledge the ANTs right away. I got this from Dr. Amen's book. Having a pet helps a lot. I went into depression when I lost my cat and my husband won't replace him and I resent it. But that is changing and I'm hopeful.