Why?

[Lovely_Lizzy_]

Why do I feel like everyday is a battle... a battle to get out of bed, a battle to do the simplest of tasks....it feels like I’m spiraling down at 100 miles per hour and I can’t slow down and I can’t stop, and as soon as I hit the ground I will once again be in pieces. After months of picking up those pieces I will finally be able to slowly start to rise up again, but for what reason? Just to fall back down again? It’s a never ending cycle, every time I make progress, something happens and I am pulled back into the void I call my mind. I can run, and run and run and run as far as I want but I I can never hide, or escape the prison of my own mind, because no matter how hard I try, these feelings come back, these thoughts come back. What is the point of progress if it’s only temporary. what is the point in trying if all I do is fail, why do I fight this battle everyday? Why do I pick myself up every time? Why bother with something I know if pointless?

That’s the thing..... it’s all about perspective. What someone may see as pointless I see as a challenge, only designed to improve me. What is the point of trying, well if I don’t who will? If I don’t try if I give up, I’m dead before I die, and though it’s hard and a struggle, I am still alive, and I will fight till the day my soul is relieved of this burden. ❤️

[Lovely_Lizzy_]

I just really had to rant a little I guess but as I was writing the last bit, I realized, that if I give up I am as good as dead. A dead man walking, no purpose, and I honestly don’t want that.

[Wicked68]

Good attitude. Some days I’ve felt like that. I just have to think of one reason/goal for the day and work toward it. Somedays it’s just to take a shower or brush my teeth. But I continue to get up. Continue to think of just one reason why and this dark feeling usually passes. My therapists new saying is “Just do the next right thing.” Very similar to the old “one day at a time”. I started to think of my overall mental health as clear or cloudy. On those cloudy days, I just try to avoid triggers and make time for my self and doing things that calm me. The times that Ive has more cloudy days than clear, it’s usually because (1) I’m super busy and super tired, or (2) I need a RX change. One dr visit I was in such a state the dr gave me 15 Xanax pills to get me through extremely tough times (and she adjusted my Rx). I’ve had those pills for 3 months and have only felt the need to take them 5 times, but they’re there if I need them. Keep moving forward.