Inadequacy

[Magicdreamer]

I grew up with a brother that aggressively antagonized me as did my mother and I was a very quite child and my Mom and brother use to tell me to stand up for myself. My brother use to physically abuse me as well so there's a long line of inadequacy that I'm dealing with. This morning I dived into the emotions to find out what the core belief was and feelings of inadequacy led me to a belief that I don't matter. My ex recently put me second best when he found a 'new' friend which triggered hurt and a feeling of inadequecy.... a feeling that I wasn't good enough and had been replaced. This to me was a betrayal as we made a pact to become closer and be honest with our feelings and stand together as one. When he found his new mate he demoted me saying I was now his wife! I'm not married to him and I automatically felt hurt which I absolutely acknowledge now as a valid reason as he triggered inadequacy that I've been feeling as a child. It's only this morning through working through it that I've come to realise, that I'm overwhelmed with feelings of inadequacy. I feel so down today. I'm feeling like I just want to sleep. I've pulled myself out of bed and I'm going to go for a long walk. Living at home just continues to trigger these feelings of shame and inadequacy. I'm acknowledging these emotions and fight and flight triggers by totally understanding why I feel the way I feel. New affirmations.... I have the right to be here on Earth. I do matter. I belong. I have the right to feel whatever I feel even if I don't understand the full cause. I have the right to focus on myself and my feelings are valid. I matter!

[Dolphin14]

Yes you do matter.

Look up childhood neglect and emotional abuse.

I suffered the same type of childhood.

[hypercat54 in reply to Dolphin14]

Me too. x

[SoberDrunk1]

We need to forgive those who hurt us. They didn't have a choice. They were driven by their instinct. If you can find some emotional support group or Al-anon in your area, attend the meetings there. The 12 steps is geared to over-come those emotional distress and rely on our higher power. We all took this birth to overcome our traits. I would douse myself with alcohol and later after overcoming alcohol, I would use porn whenever I was depressed. Recently It dawned on me, I have been substituting life with something. Hiding behind instead of facing it. I dont know if this makes sense. Write a honest inventory of your character defects and start overcoming them one defect at a time.

[Magicdreamer in reply to SoberDrunk1]

Yeah, ita a process and Ive just started accepting and feeling how I feel so it takes time and there's a lot of anger which a cover emotion for hurt so I'm learning to be compassionate to myself and not react to the anger bit rather feel it. It will unfold by itself. My Higher self guides me each and every day along with my Guardian Angel who was my true nurtures when I was a child who has now passed on. I'm learning to trust myself and the process and yes, forgiveness is easy to say but if I still feel sadness or anger then it's just another word. Ive been denying the abuse from my family and blaming myself my entire life so there is a lot of nurturing and self acceptance and validation that needs to take place. Thank you for the 12 step program advice. Im aware of the codependency one.... Is that the same?

[SoberDrunk1 in reply to Magicdreamer]

Probably. The first step is we are powerless over "Something" that our life has become un-manageable. For me it was alcohol and other addictive behavior. To have a good relationship with my higher power, I had to let go of those character defects that has been blocking me from that higher self you called it. I am not sure where you are from, in the US there is that reality show "Bar Rescue". The guy takes the inventory of the bar that is under-performing. Discards the waiters with bad attitude, drops the entries on the menu that are out-dated, brings in new idea.... when they re-open the Bar, it brings in customers...money flows.. Thats how I see this process. I had to let go old ideas and bring in new ideas so I can feel the presence. The book talks about "Resentment being the number one offender of an alcoholic" but my wife would add, its fatal for everybody. So, i have to live in zone where, I cant allow these negativity ruin my peace.

[Magicdreamer in reply to SoberDrunk1]

You've helped me so much today. I'm acknowledging my flawed character traits and have started to nurture myself properly today. I really have been harsh on myself and am focusing on building a better me as well as giving back. I live in South Africa so I don't know what show you're talking about but the analogy is beautiful and makes sense. I had a dream that's made me understand more about what the dream meant so, I'm going to remind myself everyday that I'm in recovery and start trusting the process. Thank you xxx