Hypocrites

[TheMeg]

The last few months I have been trying to understand the sources of my anxiety. I have had a lot of traumatic things happen to me but aside from that, one of my parents was constantly pushing me. And not in the encouraging way, in the nothing you do is ever good enough way. If I got a 95 on a test it would be "why isn't it 100?" He never told me when I played well at my sports. Only what I needed to do differently. I graduated college with my four year degree in only three because and I didn't walk at graduation because I didn't feel like I had gotten good enough grades to celebrate it. He never even said congratulations or anything. When I asked him to pick up dinner one day to be a mini celebration he compared me to some woman that demanded her dad spend a hundred thousand dollars on a wedding. Yesterday he called a guy a douchebag for not congratulating his son on winning a game and I just had to leave the room to keep from blowing up on him.

[Bird_in_Hand]

Damn, there's something about hypocrites that is just really hard to understand and infuriating all at the same time. I doubt a confrontation would help, sounds like all through your struggles you've been overshadowed? I'm truly sorry. I'm glad you could vent here though, I'm hoping this community will help 😁 stay strong

[TheMeg in reply to Bird_in_Hand]

Thank you! Venting here always helps!

[KMarti19]

It’s called emotional abuse. Distance yourself....

[Newlife73]

From an outsiders point of view, your Dad is a sick man. He probably had a rough childhood himself. It still doesn't give him a pass to treat you that way. You are clearly smart and talented. Many people would love having you as their son. I hope you can see that you are intelligent and talented. If not, tell yourself that every day. I would try to keep minimal distance from him and surround yourself with positive, caring people.

[Esther228]

Hi there! I want to congratulate you on your accomplishments! You are doing very well. Have you considered that maybe it isn’t you that is bothering him, but maybe he is dealing with some of his own emotions? Sometimes it is difficult to understand where a person is coming from, especially if we don’t know their past, or how they were raised. Is it possible that your Dad is just wanting more for you because he wants you to be successful, and do some of the things that he may have been unable to accomplish?

I learned a long time ago, that I cannot make someone love me or behave the way I would like them to, but what I can control is how I respond to them. I can keep loving them and being happy with my own behavior. There is a book I read about Boundaries that was really helpful to me in understanding what feelings “I own” vs. “what someone else owns” and it really changed my way of thinking. Do you pray? For me, I would pray that I would be able to understand him better. The book is “Boundaries”, by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. I hope this helps.