Out of ideas

[Runningfargal]

I so wanted therapy to work, but I just can’t get over that hump of just letting myself talk. It’s been 2 years, really like my therapist but with the social anxiety seemingly running the show, I just freeze up most sessions. I feel like I’m just spinning my wheels and wasting her time. I‘m just shutting down and feel like recovery is hopeless.

[Hidden]

Let's not say recovery is hopeless. Maybe your therapist isn't the person for you. A good working relationship is so key to making progress. If you feel like you aren't getting useful feedback or like this person isn't truly caring about your thoughts, maybe you can try finding another one.

Just to give you my personal experience, I've seen my latest therapist for just two sessions (she canceled our last due to illness....via text on her personal cell....telling me about a mental health medicine issue she was having; thought this was a bit weird). Our sessions just seem to be two people complaining about anxiety/panic, but I'm not getting a useful thing out of it. I can't tell if she's still trying to feel me out...what makes me tick and all...or if I'm just not seeing the right person. So (and here's my advice), I decided next session, I'm going to come in with my talking points. Exercises to try, things that work, etc. You could trim them down to bullet points and expand when you get to your session. Come in prepared and make sure you get the questions you want answered actually answered. A daily journal of your feelings helps....write down what's going on each day. Talk about it and what or why you're feeling that way.

I feel a lot of the time some are okay with playing passive therapist....paying for an ear. Others, and I've had one I am considering going back to, are more active...playing devil's advocate or recommending books, advice, exercises. This is what I need, not a friend per se. Your therapist might just think it's better letting you guide your therapy when it's clear that this doesn't help you. Maybe you start a session by mentioning how your social anxiety is truly bothering you to the point where you feel your sessions are pointless. Just be honest....they hear worse things than this. It opens up engaging conversation to maybe let he/she take lead and provide comfort instead of letting you feel like you're not just spinning the wheels. Most importantly, you aren't wasting their time...it's your time also, as well as your money. Just some suggestions, ideas, and so on. I hope it helps and that you get a little more out of your therapist if you like them. Take care and I hope things improve!

[Runningfargal in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, this helps a lot. I will try to communicate, it’s so hard. I want to stay with her, she’s stuck by me through a lot.

[hypercat54]

Hi therapy isn't an easy option as it is very painful expressing deep hidden feelings and emotions, but it is very worthwhile. What do you think would happen if you managed to open up? Would you fall apart permanently? Would you never stop crying? None of these will actually happen, I know coz I have been there.

Can you write down what you need to say and just give it to the therapist? It's often easier to write it then speak. x

[Runningfargal in reply to hypercat54]

I’ve done the writing down and it took everything I had to bring it in. I’d sent e-mails before but never brought it in. I didn’t ask her to take it but she saw I had it and I mentioned it as my thoughts I didn’t know what to do with so I brought them in. I was hoping she’d ask for it but never did and I couldn’t ask her to take it.

[hypercat54 in reply to Runningfargal]

Why not? x

[Runningfargal in reply to hypercat54]

I’m not sure why she didn’t take it, in the past we had this process of sending journal entries via e-mail. She usually responded a sentence or two and we focused on it the next session. After a hospital stay she stopped answering to them without explanation and didn’t put much emphasis on them if I sent them. My goal was to stop e-mailing and bring my thoughts in on paper and when I did she never asked to see them or take them. I referenced them once and she didn’t seem to want the paper. I felt humiliated and childish for bringing it in so I didn’t ask her to take it.

[Runningfargal in reply to hypercat54]

Thank you for the encouragement, it’s good to hear from others who have come through on the other side.