I’m absolutely insane but I don’t know what to do

[The_Stranger]

I’m a crazy jealous girlfriend. I admit it. I don’t want to be. Well yesterday, my bf (we work together) said the girl he works with early in the morning texted him asking about his hand (he injured it a few days ago). I got a little salty but just said that was nice of her. He decided to do something nice for her and do part of her job so she doesn’t have to in the morning. I said no but then suppressed myself and let him. It boiled up in me all day so in one of the pans he buttered I wrote CUNT. I was hoping to make him laugh and make her feel bad, but he got angry at me. Understandable. I was in the wrong. But now I’m all anxious and I don’t know how to stop being crazy jealous.

[jkl5500]

It would help to realize that your bf is still going to interact with other females his age as he goes through his typical day, just as you will encounter other males your age. That's just part of being in society. You can't lock him in a cage so he can't run into other women. If he truly cares about you, he will be faithful, and vice versa.

[Hidden]

Your jealousy is rooted in insecurity. We all have tendencies to be insecure. Let’s backtrack...

I used to get jealous, but to me, there’s two types here. The first type of jealousy is just.. without warrant. The second is a defense mechanism. Have you watched people cheat before close to you, like family? Or have you been cheated on? I found that my experiences with me acting out in the past were generally because I had pent up issues caused by guys I was with treating me poorly, me suppressing it, having no self esteem, and taking them back. Then I’d snap.

I have a good gut and generally can tell when something’s up in relationships. Do you feel something is, honestly? Or is it just any girl will make you act jealous?

If the answer is that you’re nervous about every girl, you gotta figure out why. Is it your boyfriend not making you feel secure because of his behavior? Or is it just unresolved issues with yourself? Or both?

Therapy helped me a LOT. I had a hard time trusting men for a long, long time. I think it can help you!

Why don’t you try to befriend the girl? You definitely don’t want to push your boyfriend away. I know it can be hard. But hey - it’s good you’re talking about it!

[The_Stranger in reply to Hidden]

It turned out to be fine I guess. He says he wants to marry me soon but I said I want to wait a few years. He always talks about hating her so maybe the sudden niceness threw me off. I trust him completely, and I know it’s definitely my own issue. I’m really insecure about his exes mostly but also girls that he spends time with without me there. My therapist said I’m doing fine one my own and there’s nothing more she could do for me. But I don’t even know how to help myself.

[SuZQ154]

You are being honest about your feelings and your personality. That's wonderful because you know who you are.

Understanding ourselves, our strengths and our weaknesses, is the first step to good relationship. If you believe your jealousy is unwarranted and you would like to get to the root of it, have you considered counseling? If you believe your jealousy is warranted, have you considered asking your boyfriend to go to counseling with you? Individual and marriage Christian counseling have helped my husband and me. We have become better people, communicators, and spouses. Just something to consider. Blessings!