24 Hour Section

Jesus, police pulled me back from the cliff edge at Hell's Mouth in Cornwall the other day. 350ft drop, wasn't going to jump, but scared the shit out of me. Had a 24 section then released. What the fk is wrong with me. I hate this feeling of being trapped. The stress of staying alive is killing me.

[Peac408]

I have those thoughts everyday. I know the feeling. It's so hard. I'm so glad they pulled you back. You do matter.

[Hidden in reply to Peac408]

Thanks. I know. I just feel that one day I will kill myself. Back home isolated trying to work and my whole body is just shaking with chronic stress and nervous breakdown

[Peac408 in reply to Hidden]

I had a breakdown this morning. Sometimes I have to pull over because I have thoughts of just ramming into a tree or something. It's a scary and constant thing. I think about it all the time. Take some deep breaths. I know everyone always says that. Sometimes it helps. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. If it helps, you're not alone in what you're feeling.

[Hidden in reply to Peac408]

Yeah I hate that I have this fight or flight response, cracking up under the strain big time, acutely aware of my own mortality now and everything is my decision. Scares the sh*t out of me, recently estranged and have 3 young kids that technically I have to support (financially). Financial stress, work for myself, motivation lacking, claustrophic, agoraphoic, in complete tail spin...

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

currently trembling under my duvet, my ex-wife keeps telling me to stay safe...she knows im actively suicidal, feel like an arse for saying that to her (what do i tell the kids she says...)

[Peac408 in reply to Hidden]

I wish this wasn't happening to you. Maybe take something to sleep?

[Hidden in reply to Peac408]

i take mirtazpine 40mg to sleep at night, then wake up exactly the same next day, struggling to get through the day, I'm terrified of dying, but sometimes wish I didn't wake up and that makes my depression worse because I know I'll never see my kids again...

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

previously survived a paracetomol overdose 20 years ago before wife and kids were on the scene. Kinda wish I'd been successfull then those kids wouldn't have existed for me to hurt if and when daddy dies

[Agora1]

hambo5, I'm glad you are here with us. This is your safe place to come when

your mind is overwhelmed with doubt and fear. Are you currently under

a therapist/doctor's care? You need help in getting through this emotional

uprising. It's your mind trying to protect you from yourself. Please call for

professional help or go to the nearest ER. We want you SAFE.

[Hidden in reply to Agora1]

Yup ive got a local mental health team and all the support numbers etc to call, infact local cmht have kinda wased they're hands of me (i'm high risk) and they can't do anything for me... It's a horrid not feeling safe in my own skin or even trusting myself I know I have a whole bunch of mental health conditions and worse still is I know that it's fking with ky kids and will do if I don't make it I just hate being me but know I always will be. I'm literally fighting for my life.

[Agora1 in reply to Hidden]

I know you are hambo and I don't take this lightly. We are not professionals

but each and every one of us cares beyond belief. Please continue talking with

us you are not alone.

[Hidden in reply to Agora1]

The silly thing is that I know it's all in my head, i feel a bit paralyzed, until my marriage collapse and other issues I'd never even thought about death before but then i was hospitalised in June last year following a psychotic breakdown and deep depression where i foolishly mentioned about harming my kids, now i'm isolated and i think all the stress of eeything has turned me into a paranoid schizophrenic. I don't say boo to a goose for days on end and the silence is killing me, all I hear are my kids voices and last time i saw my middle son (6) he said how sad he is that I'm not there and asks when I am coming home, it breaks my heart even more, just wish I was able to dig myself out of this miserable pit, and be able trust myself so that I can have "fun" kicking a ball about with my kis, but truth is I still worry that I'll hurt them or something will happen when they are with me and I won't know what to do...

[Marz21]

You do matter. I absolutely get where you are too. I've 4 children, and the thought of them experiencing what I have is something I just can't have happen, even in my darkest moments. I lost my Dad suddenly when I was 17. He suffered from alcoholism and despite his efforts to stop drinking his body was failing in his early 40s and he had a massive heart attack. He mattered so much to me, despite all his problems and the toll things took on his family, he was deeply loved. You will be too. I fell into a long depression when he died and dont think I will ever be the same. I cannot begin to explain how much it means that I know he tried to help himself but also how much of a knock on effect his loss has meant. If you ever need a friend, I'm here. I hope you can reach some good help for you to feel better.