This is long but please bare with me: I suffer from social anxiety and over the past few years I believe I've been dealing with depression that seems to be getting worse. My freshman year of college I lost one of my parents to cancer as well as two high school classmates, my grandmother and a close family friend. I never discussed any of it with people from college and turned to studying as a way to distract myself from the pain and grief. I strived to reach my potential because I wanted to make those I had lost proud, they knew what I was capable of but I had always underachieved so they never saw me at my best before they died.
I chose to go into a very competitive career field but by working my way up internships, volunteering, and part-time opportunities I managed to become one of the youngest people in the region to earn a job in the field. I was extremely proud of my accomplishments and for the first time in years I felt proud and happy. I had friends, a job that I loved, I was learning and getting experience every day.
Extremely long story short, my closest friend at the time also worked at the organization I worked at which seemed great at first... Then they did a 180 and treated me horribly. Both personally and professionally they undermined, manipulated, demeaned, and lied to me on numerous levels. I opened up to them about several very personal stories and every single one of them they went behind my back and made fun of me with other people. They destroyed me personally, mentally and emotionally to the point that I started seeing a therapist to cope with the damage.
They eventually got fired from their job because of how horribly they treated people but I'm still broken and finding it hard to trust anyone after what I went through. The work environment at my job continued to get worse even after that person was fired but I kept pushing through extreme burnout and stress because I didn't want to give up a job in this career field because of how hard it'd be to get back in this competitive field.
Eventually, I couldn't go on any more and quit my job and got a temporary job at a better organization. After that position ended I've been doing some temp work but there is extremely little money in this field so a permanent job is unlikely.
The organization I temp with now has a history of hiring on people that stick around and are at the right place at the right time. Even though they can only afford to bring me in a few days each month (best case), I feel like I'm next in line for an opportunity that would open up there but I have no idea when that will be due to funding. It would be my dream job and an excellent work environment but I find myself waiting around constantly checking my phone and email for the next time they might schedule me or a job opening.
It kills me that people I used to mentor and supervise are getting jobs and more experience than I am while I'm unemployed and that the only reason I lost a chance in this field because of a very toxic work environment at my first job. I feel increasingly hopeless that I will ever get another job in this field and I have tried jobs in other fields but I'm absolutely miserable. I'm volunteering once a week and am working towards a second degree online to keep somewhat busy but I still find myself hopeless and unhappy with many aspects of my life due to being unemployed...
) life, and despite the very, very difficult losses you endured. 
Got fired life is pointless 
Job Week One Update
Support and hope
Bad news
Good News to Share
