Got fired life is pointless

[LittleDucky]

Edit: please check out my most recent post! It’s very exciting Last week my bipolar symptoms became unmanageable for the first time in a long time. It resulted in me making some severely backwards judgment calls. This is not acceptable when you’re working in the medical field, especially the addiction field. As an addiction counselor I’m expected to keep my emotions in check and to behave appropriately to coworkers. I have always behaved appropriately to my patients as I love them all very much and they all adore me in return because I’m always kind to them.. however, I felt overly protective of them because like me they were victims who are just trying to survive. So I blew up on the nursing staff one day and sent out some particularly snarky emails to people very much senior to me in the company. Today I was let go for my behavior and there’s nothing I can do about it. My bipolar is A disability and I am registered in the state is being disabled but that doesn’t protect me from losing a job if my actions are making it impossible for me to for fill the duties of my job appropriately. This job was one of my few means of validation. Being an addiction counselor gave my life meaning and I loved running groups. I know I will find another addiction counselor job however it will take time and having been fired will make that especially difficult to navigate. With Covid right now it is much harder for even essential workers to get the work they need. And I don’t want to work somewhere else. I loved where I worked and aside from the incredibly bitchy nursing staff I love to my coworkers. I even loved my supervisor. She was supportive and compassionate. I’m able to be logical about this and recognize that losing control of my bipolar symptoms and lashing out at people is a good reason to let someone go. However I am still heartbroken and wondering with all the work I’ve done in the last 10 years bettering myself through going to college and being my own therapist changing behaviors changing thought processes becoming the best version of myself And yet these kinds of horrible things still happen. I am questioning what is the point of being alive when you can do everything right and good and still never seem to be able to hold onto oh win and experience so many indescribably painful losses. I simply don’t see the point and if someone said this to me, even as a clinician I don’t know how I would answer them.

[Hidden]

I am sorry you are going through all this right now. I think in a few ways you answered your own question. You got healthy and did things for yourself, which is good. And no one can take that from you. You are motivated to continue to do good in the world and for yourself which is self love. That is all positives, because even though you hit a snag right now you are still doing well overall on everything else. You are upset, and rightfully so because of the events that happened. That is a minor road bump to your story though. You might have had a lot of hiccups but that doesn't mean there will only ever be hiccups. Your work with your clients is a perfect example of this. I think you would argue that even with all the pain you are feeling right now you would still say you were proud of and extremely happy about the work you were doing and the good you were doing. Unfortunately bad things will come and go. For some of us bad things will happen more frequently. But I think you are at a stage in your life where you have done all the hard work. You hit a bad patch sure but even you know you can recover quickly form this. You said it yourself that you will find a new job and you will love it just as much because you love helping people. Your story is far from over, and you can still have a happy ending. We all can. I truly believe this. I am in the same boat, my life has been filled with painful event after painful event. I did all that I could the right ways and I still got fucked over, pardon the language. I don't quit though because I now that I can still have a happy ending. I can still make things work. The past, and the bad doesn't define me. Nor does it define you. It's who you want to be and who you are right now, and what I see is a woman who is passionate, kind, caring, loving, and willing to help others. I also see a strong, capable, and inspirational woman. Because you have been through the worst life has had to offer and you got back up. You are a success story even if you don't feel like it right now.

[Dolphin14 in reply to Hidden]

Well said

[Dolphin14]

I think you have to learn from what happened here. You are a professional with so much to offer. You need to get back out there and help people.

They need someone who understands them.

I wish you the best of luck

[Husky3]

You will find another position soon. You are passionate about what you and that is a huge plus and not many people say that about their career. Not being biased, I get being professional although I don't understand why disclose that to an employer if the employer will not show any type of understanding towards the condition along with your coworkers. It is hard sometimes not to take things personally from not so bright and or unaware co-workers although you just do your best to ignore it. You've proven you are at a different level than than those so just be you. The one thing is to learn from and be honest about the situation from the next interview you receive for a counselor job that you apply to. Someone will understand your situation and realize the value you will bring.

[LittleDucky in reply to Husky3]

Legally during the on boarding process I am required to disclose if I have a disability to HR, however I don’t believe that they communicate that with my supervisor. And my supervisor was not made aware of it by me until I had already made the mistakes. I don’t think it was about a lack of understanding I think it was just about Having stable employees and right now I am entirely unstable and that can be really bad for the patients. I think I could’ve learned from everything without having gotten fired so this isn’t something that necessarily had to happen in order for me to make any changes, I was already working on that but it just did happen so I have to deal with making changes and all the bad feelings at the same time. I’m trying to stay hopeful but right now it’s pretty hard

[Husky3 in reply to LittleDucky]

Sorry, should have worded that differently. Knew that you disclosed it, it was more of showing a little more understanding, compassion, and empathy towards you. We all make mistakes. Keep your head up and from what you describe how you feel about your job and the positive impact I believe you make on your clients, you will be able to find employment of similar aspects and or maybe even better.

[LittleDucky in reply to Husky3]

No worries I was just rambling

[Hidden]

From the time I met you on here I was pretty impressed by the things you've said on here to me and others. You have a gift that you need to use. I agree with endofheartache1290 that you answered your own questions. "You got healthy and you did things for yourself". When I was chatting with you I knew I couldn't leave you in the condition you were at. You apologized to me in that shape so there was somebody in there that was trying to come back out and talk. I admit I was a little scared but I was trying to help you thru the keys of the board. You asked me to stay with you and talk. I was trying my best and I know you were too. You didn't give up. I think you were thinking about what was coming up and couldn't hold your emotions in check. I think you still have a solid future in front of you. Just take it by the horns and take it down. Keep working on your issues and come out fighting. You're too valuable too lose what you earned for so much. You put alot of time in being a counselor. I worked in a health field as a maintenance man once. They had addiction counselling there. I see the work they did and they were the backbone of the place. "Even with your issues you helping people us the point of being alive so that others can live." They depend on you. Maybe next job start out slow and build yourself back to who you were. I and we at HU love you and would love to see you get back on your feet and go back to helping those in need your help. Inhofe we can chat again soon. 💖U

[Hidden]

Hi LittleDucky, you are a human & humans make mistakes. If you learn from the mistake you made, you will come out the other side even better than before. Please treat yourself very gently during this vulnerable time. Best wishes!

[pink318]

Thank you for sharing. I’m sorry this happened.

Your patients need you. It’s not easy to find a counselor like you. You love them, you are kind to them and they adore you. You also mentioned that you love your job.

I hope things will go well with you. Praying for you, for peace and guidance as you look for another job. Please keep us posted. God bless.

[Hidden]

I’m so sorry you lost your job. I know the feeling. I lost a job two years ago because of my anxiety. It’s humiliating and you feel stuck and wonder if anything will ever work out in the future. I know this sounds cliche’, but things happen for a reason. I’m sure you learned a lot at that job and you will end up finding a better job and wherever you go next will be lucky to have you on their team.

[LittleDucky in reply to Hidden]

Thank you! I am doing much better now and what you said is very true

[ongaku666]

So late on this post but just wanted to say you are not alone when dealing with bitchy colleagues! and how hard is that? it can so easily take away the enjoyment of your work and workplace 🤮 AND let it be known that: those of us who don't lose it or yell at them or write "snarky emails", actually just really want to and would do anything to let our anger out even just once! (cuz seriously there's some unbelievable people!)

I'm waiting for the day when I can just tell them to f**k off and walk away

I appreciate it is hard to believe when it happens, but better things/people/experiences will come to you after this. Change is always hard to accept and the past to let go, but we're not defined by it.

I am glad you can at least retain the positives you encountered there (your supervisor, your patients, etc..); shit happens and sometimes we gamble a lot but it's the progress of life after all.

I hope this didn't sound condescending

[LittleDucky in reply to ongaku666]

Honestly I am relieved to hear that I am not the only one who has strong emotional reactions to toxic coworkers. I thought that I was being too sensitive and overreacting. As much as I don’t want other people to suffer, I know that other humans do suffer and if I can know that we are not all suffering alone in some unique individual way, that brings me a lot of comfort. So thank you for pointing that out. It is something I will learn to accept in time or at least be able to control my behavior if I can’t control How much it bothers me.

[ongaku666 in reply to LittleDucky]

It is unfortunate that we believe poison is seriously dangerous but toxic people are "manageable". We often put our minds through so much because we don't always see obvious sign of distress (unless we learn to watch ourselves ofc).

Work environments are pretty much the worst place to be (after family) when dealing with people with mental health issues. And often you end up having to choose between a good job and your own sanity... I'm one of those people who always tries to help so even then it doesn't work lol

I've been really trying to learn to just watch my emotions from a distance which is very hard, I mean they're still churning inside you! I wish I had the many hours of meditation of Michael Singer and was able to just witness it all...

[Hidden]

I'm so sorry this happened to you. It's great that you were trying to help people. Maybe in some weird way it might be for the best and you can find a different job where you won't get so many bitchy co workers, as you say. It's really hard to be around toxic people.

[LittleDucky in reply to Hidden]

Since I was let go from my job but I have come to a much better place emotionally and mentally. I’m still struggling but I am thankful not to be at that job anymore because I simply was not ready and now I have time to devote to developing the skills I need and seeing a therapist regularly and strengthening some of my natural defenses before I go back into the field. The difficult thing about the addiction field is that there are toxic people in every workplace because a lot of us are also recovering attic’s and some recovering attic‘s don’t really work on themselves they just stay sober. So they are still shitty humans and they think that because they have experience with addiction that qualifies them to work with people still struggling with it. Also in the mental health field there are a lot of narcissists who have a hero complex and they don’t really want to help anybody but they want to appear as if they are saving others and I have found those types to be the least tolerable and the most bothersome to me and also the most common. So I’ve got my work cut out for me. Thank you for your response.