Anxiety and daily pannic attacks . Is not something I would wish on my worst enemy.

[LawrencePeach]

Have had attention defficit disorder ( combination type ) and generalized anxiety disorder since childhood. Started having severe pannic attacks at age 26. Anxiety and pannic attacks. Took my wife and children from me. As well as my ability to maintain employment. I have worked hard . To get certified in several different carrear paths. But Everytime. I end up leaving work due to a nasty pannic attacks and get fired. Thank God my wife still loves me. We are back together. And I am trying to get myself together. So I can provide for my family. I have done the iop program. For mental health 8 times. Works great until I am finished with the program. Then it ends up coming back and disrupting my ability to live a normal life. Theorpy has helped coping skills make having less severe pannic attacks. So I'm not in the er everyother day fully convinced im dying. Been taking benzos for over 9 years they stop me from having pannic attacks. But the anxiety non stop every day and night never goes away. So I moved back to the area. And have about 4 weeks until my new mental health provider can see me. Been almost 3 weeks since I ran out of my medication. And it's not fun. 2 or more pannic attacks every day. Hardly sleeping. Spend all day on the edge of a pannic attack. The worst thing is constantly apologizing to my wife. Thinking my anxiety is making her angry. And I know she can't understand it . No one can really understand how exhausting it is. Best way I can describe it is suffering. I am currently looking for anxiety pannic support groups in the area. As I believe they would be beneficial. My add has it's own fun affects on relationships as well. Such as the inability to pick up on social ques. Not understanding when someone is joking or mad. Forgetting everything. Loosing things constantly. Being very interested in hobbies and education. To the point of excelling, obtaining many different certifications. From comptia it certifications

Being a xda recognised Android developer. A comercial/industrial electrician, And a water damage Restoration. Technician / project manager / estimator. Been a year since I received my comptia cert. But have not utalized it. Have not had an it job. So that's me . And I'm sure there are some of you with similar stories.

[Stephanie89]

Hello LawrencePeach I’m sorry you are going through this and I know how u feel i haven’t been able to hold a steady job since 2017 my I’m ok for a couple months then my anxiety gets so debilitating that I have to quit because I can’t even work 4 hrs without having a full blown panic attack and even was passing out at work it’s so difficult cuz all I want to do is work like a normal person and support my kids and myself

I am 29 and this starting happening at 27 and before all this anxiety came about i was living a normal life but now I’m always in er thinking I’m dying I can’t sleep cuz I get this weird vibration sinking feeling it’s taken over my life and not everyone understands my family tells me to think positive and pray and it will go away I do that and it doesn’t I just want my life back not even how I was but a better version of me

I hope u feel better and we will overcome this

[LawrencePeach in reply to Stephanie89]

Yeah I do know exactly how you feel. I have like 5 pages of er visits. They tested my thyroid heart. EKGs. Told me to see if I had possibly tumor on my adrenal gland. But it's pannic attacks. The mental aspect of anxiety is horrible. But the physical symptoms of pannic attacks. Are the worst. DiZzy. Blurry vision. Can't swallow. Choking feeling. Tight chest. Arms and legs go numb. Neck gets stiff chest is tight. Hands lock up can't open them when potassium gets low. Heart rate goes insane. It makes my blood pressure and heart rate so high. A nurse told me you know your not to young to have a stroke. Yeah I realize that. And they treat you like crap at the er. Almost like your bothering them. Bad attitude. And of course first thing they do is ask if you do drugs the. Drug test you. Then discharge you with information on pannic attacks. I can say the coping techniques. Have helped me lessen the intensity of my pannic attacks. So I don't end up in the er. But I still feel like I'm dying multiple times a day. I've taken every medication on God's green. Earth nothing helps none of the antidepressants they say may help anxiety. Like Zoloft or prosac. Or Lexapro. They made it worse. Xanax Ativan Valium. Klonapin stop the pannic attacks. Hate taking benzos. Hate being sedated. Was on 6mg a day klonapin at one point. Think I'll end up going back on Valium. Since it has the longest half-life. Don't have to take it as often. Just keep telling myself 1 day at a time it will get better. I have gone months with no out pannic attacks before . Because of benzos. I Feel bad others have to go through this. But it's good to know we are not alone. We are not crazy. I believe we are strong. Stronger then most people. 90% of people couldn't handle 1 pannic. Attack.

[Stephanie89 in reply to LawrencePeach]

Yes so do I was literally there like every couple weeks and every week at one point because of the physical symptoms of my anxiety I could deal with anxiety but the physical aspect is terrible horrible I say I’m prisoner in my own body it’s horrible and my family has no idea because none of them have been through it it’s easier said than done to just stop but when u feel weak ur legs and face go dumb u can feel and hear ur heart beat and u start to feel dizzy off balance ur vision going in an out those are scary and I deal with this everyday I want so bad to work and be able to do all the things I love to do I hate going to the er because ur right they do treat u horrible I even had nurses laughing at me while in full blown panic attack mode even when I was fainting every week they did ask if I was a drug user and if I had I done something wrong it’s horrible I tried 4 different medication but it makes me feel like I’m here but not here and I chose not to take any I’m actually going to try going to meditation and being out in nature more I haven’t gone to the hospital in able a month and a week which is a record but I do find that deep breathing and being around positive people and just energy I notice I feel amazing and once I’m back to where I don’t want to be which is 99.8% of the time I find myself in this hole I know we are not crazy and we will get out lives back we have to hold onto that hope and just know we are strong we got through every panic attack and still are here

[Sunnidayz1]

I know exactly how you feel. It is VERY exhausting. I also say "I dont wish this is on my worst enemy too" I say that ALL of the time. It's horrible!!

It sounds like you are trying your best to rid yourself of them. If you are going to therapy and you are on medication try something different in combination. Have u ever tried yoga? Yes, it sounds funny but it was a lifesaver for me..

Let me tell you, it will calm your body and mind for the whole day. Just a 15 min basic beginners routine will. Also how about meditation? It's amazing.

Some people on this site swear by the author Claire Weekes. There are you tube videos on her and her techniques. Check that out!

I hope this helps. Just know your not alone. Continue to tell your story here. So much good info and great support here.

Take care.

XxSunni

[LawrencePeach in reply to Sunnidayz1]

Thank you for the information. Yes I have done a lot of theorpy. Learned coping skills. Breathing. Stretching. Journeling. I have scowerd the internet. Done a lot of reading. Watched a lot of videos. It all helps make pannic attacks something that does not land me in the er anymore. They still suck. Still feel all sorts of messed up. But I fight through them. Generalized anxiety disorder sucks. Always worrying about everything to the point. Of avoiding all stressfull. Situations. If at all possible. But that does not work. So I have been forcing myself to go out in public places everyday. It seems this is something that's not going to come and go like it used to . Been constant. For years . But I know I'll be back on medication soon. And doing therapy again. It just sucks. Every day off klonapin has felt like a week. Haha. Just waiting to hear from my wife's family doc if he will fill my meds until my first appt at my new mental health provider. And I will lstay on the meds. I won't stop taking then when I think I'm better. Lol that's a vicious cycle. Done it at least10 times. They say it's not go to abruptly cease any benzos after taking for a long period. It's not fun. I accept that I need medication. And theorpy and I'm going to keep doing it for the rest of my life. For myself my wife and children . Cheers

[Sunnidayz1 in reply to LawrencePeach]

It is rough. It really is. It's like a very scary game..when will the next panic come & why?

I didnt mention CBD oil. Im trying that.

Good luck to you.

[LawrencePeach in reply to Sunnidayz1]

I saw they are opening a medical marijuana. Office in Westminster off 97. I have tried CBD vape juice. But not medical marijuana. I have heard alot of people say it helps anxiety. My wife says i should try it. And I am looking in what's involved with that process now. I'd rather try that . If it works . Would be much safer then sedatives.

[Sunnidayz1 in reply to LawrencePeach]

Why not try other forms of CBD?

Theres oil, theres gummies Im sure theres more. Im buying from a friend who is a distributor of a fda approved company. I personally would not use marijuana.

[Hidden in reply to Sunnidayz1]

Thanks for the info about Claire Weekes. I'm going to get her books

[Sunnidayz1 in reply to Hidden]

That's awesome!!!

[Hidden]

"No one can really understand how exhausting it is. Best way I can describe it is suffering."

I understand and so does everyone else here who suffers from it. I just came down from a 4 day anxiety attack so I am so sympathetic. Like you said, no one knows what we suffer through when these things happen. The best way I can describe is that there is just a total feeling of helplessness and hopelessness. It's scary and I did consider suicide. But them I decided to go to the ER(like YOU)and this time I am planning to see a therapist and they put me on buspirone. Even though it's supposed to take up to 2 weeks to help I am already starting to feel less anxious. But I also think a lot of my feeling better today was actually having a conversation with my Dad about my Mom. I finally came to the realization last night that she did a lot of damage to me as a child and as an adult with her constant emotional, physical and verbal abuse. She had borderline personality disorder(undiagnosed but she had all the classic symptom) and I was constantly living in fear when she was alive. She died in 2013 but the feeling of dread that I had with her is still there. I woke up this morning saying that today was going to be a better day because she is dead and can no longer abuse me. So it makes me feel a little better. I loved her but I didn't like her. I was also molested by a man that lived at a friends house when I was 17 and I only told my boyfriend at the time-he wanted to kick his butt but I convinced him not to. He was also abusive. I have never had a real relationship with anyone. Not that it bothers me since I am pretty much an introvert and being alone are my happy times. I love to sew. So I am going to try to make a commitment to at least sew for an hour an day and to try to just take one day at a time. Everyone who doesn't suffer from it has all kinds of advice on how to deal but I find talking to others like myself more helpful because we all understand what each other is going through. I also find that crying just releases the tension sometimes too.

I hope things get better. If you haven't tried buspar please do. Keep us updated please.

[LawrencePeach in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for your input. Sorry to hear you have been through alot. Yes I have tried buspar. Did not help at all. But that's great that it is helping you. Unfortunately there is no 1 medication that can work for everyone. Would be wounderful if there. Was . I know benzos are terrible for your brain and body with long term use. And I believe no one should take them unless it's the only thing that works. I played the guinea pig 🐖. For doctors for many years. Took 5 years to be fin the add medication , and dosage that is beneficial with the least side effects. As my doctor's have told me. Most doctors don't like to prescribe stimulant medications along with sedatives. Also it's recommended that benzos be used short term but there are those of us who either take benzos or be disabled . Unable to work or manage our lives. For me it was genetics. My father sister cousins, 1 of my aunt's. And my children who are going to be 13 next month. We're all blessed with the same spectrum of co occuring disorders. Add ADHD. Anxiety pannic attacks. Or OCD. I'm sure some day they will be able to identify the genetic flaw that we pass to our offspring and correct it before birth. I'm very happy that my children have so much help . From my wife's family and the school system now days. My son and daughter are identical to how I was from early childhood to now teenagers soon . The school system failed people like us horribly 25 years ago. Just stuck all of us who had learning disabilities in a room . With others who had behavorial problems. I find I am much more patient with my son and daughter . Because I can empathize. But it is also heartbreaking to see them struggling with the same thing. And not be able to fix it for them. The mecial field has come a long way. In 30 years. From not understanding or acknowledging anxiety disorders. To having 5 specific disorders. And a pile of medications to treat. Hopefully in our lifetime they will come up with a breakthrough to stop it. That would be amazing

[Hidden]

I think mine is hereditary to some extent because mental illness runs in my family. Bi polar and schizophrenia. I might be bi polar but luckily I haven't had any signs of the other. My Mom also had anxiety. In her case though she hoarded her meds and overdosed. Was in a coma for about 24 hours and then spent 5 days in a psych ward. She tried that a couple of more times with other meds she was on. That wasn't what killled her though.

I also have OCD! What fun that is!