Existential fears

[Kat63]

I’m wondering if any of our older members can relate to this.

I’m 55, and I’m having a rough transition out of younger-age to older-age. My mother died about 18 months ago, and my father will be 80 this year. 80! It was bad losing Mom. Since she died, Dad and I have become closer and have a better relationship. This is good, right? Except that now I’m terrified of losing him, too.

My boyfriend is 60. We had some problems (I think mostly my fault) and we recently decided to give our relationship another try. I’ve had trouble adjusting to both of us aging. We met 17 years ago. We’re so different now than we were then. We’re older. It’s scary.

My best female friend is about 6 months older than me. I’ve known her for 35 years. We met in college. Now her face is full of wrinkles, and I’ve gained a pound or 25. She has worse health than I do. I’m scared I’ll outlive her.

My other best friend is about a year older than me, and also has worse health than me.

My aunt turns 74 this week. Now that my mom is gone, my aunt is one of my last links to my mom. But it scares me that she’s 74 years old.

Sometimes I worry that I’ll outlive everybody I know.

Oh, and on top of all this, I’m presently unemployed. I’ve been looking for a job for 9 weeks. I can’t help wondering if my age is an obstacle to finding another job. It used to be so easy for me to find jobs.

I’ve had some pretty big losses (my mom, my job, my youth) and I’m terrified of losing more and more and more. I hope I won’t spend what’s left of my life (25 years?) losing one thing or person after another. I’m scared of losing anything more.

[ChicagoGirl1961]

What you have described is simply life. There is heart break and sorrow along the way for all of us. There is also happiness and joy along the journey as well, but not so much if we remain focused and have anxiety about the inevitable sorrows we will all endure at some point. Accept what you cannot change, and find joy and happiness whenever occasions occurr that enrich and fullfill your life.

[deblhotchkiss]

I’m 58 and can definitely relate to what you are saying. I see my mom getting older (84) and starting to get very forgetful and confused. I wonder if it’s dementia and then think will this happen to me? I worry so much more about health issues and am sometimes consumed by them.

My husband (59), who is the primary breadwinner, lost his job about a year ago and I was so scared about the loss of income and we even lost our health insurance for a bit. He did get a new job, one that’s even better than his old job, so its possible even at our age. The economy is good now, so I feel positive that you will find a job soon.

I personally just worry so much more now, even than I did a few years ago. I think the late 50s and early 60s are very hard years. I even read somewhere that these are the years where people are most unhappy. The good news is that it actually gets better as we get older. I think the transition is just so hard.

All of this is to say that you are not the only one feeling this way. Hang in there and best of luck finding a new job.

[MrZee]

Kat, yes I know, aging is one of life’s merry pranks. I turned 60 last year and that has hit me extremely hard. Never before did turning another year hit me like 60 has. I look younger than my age, but inside I have the aches and pains that many mature middle aged people talk about. I’ve told a few about 60 hitting me hard and they all say, “you look great and have many years ahead.” Yet almost everywhere I go I feel like I’m the oldest person in the room. Especially my job at a Community College where I’m definitely the oldest one on campus. What scares me most is the older I get the faster time goes. I really don’t want to live to be elderly. I watched my Mom shrivel to a tiny little thing at the home we placed her in where she died from old age. It depressed me terribly because it feels that’s just around the corner for me. 20 years out. But with time moving so fast, a blink of the eye, I’ll be 80. So I’m doing the best I can to cope with where I’m at. My saving grace is that I have a brother that’s 62 and was there for me when I turned 60. I cried on his shoulder and he comforted me. I’m grateful for that. I don’t know what else to say other than I empathize with your struggle.

[Kat63]

It helps to talk about this with other people who are dealing with it.

[MrZee in reply to Kat63]

It sure does. Knowing that I’m not alone with this is a boost to my esteem... and I hope yours as well.

[Kat63 in reply to MrZee]

So maybe we just need to meet more people who are about our age, ha ha.

[Agoraphobia39]

My heart hurts a little reading this. I have all of the same fears that you do. I have even prayed that God take me before any more of my friends or family. People think thats a sick thing to pray for...i think it's just me being honest. I know that death is a fact of life. However, I am the only person that I really know that had such a HARD time dealing with it. My exhusband passed away 2 years this July and there isn't a day I dont think about him or wish I could talk to him. He was my best friend. We married over 20 years ago and even though the marriage was short lived, we had a son together. It's been really hard for me to deal with and I feel it's a big part of why I have so much stress and anxiety now. You are not alone my friend. I wish we all lived near each other so we could meet up at least once a month and vent.

Message me anytime.

[hypercat54]

Hi I am in my 60's and totally get what you mean. I lost my dad 10 years ago and my mum 6. All of the older generations of my family have gone now and like I said to my sisters we are the oldies now and it's our turn next. It's a sobering and depressing thought isn't it. I can't bear the thought of losing any more family or friends and have told them (selfishly) that I want to go first.

I take comfort from things like my mum saying she didn't consider herself old until she reached 80! She also said when she turned 70 she decided to be eccentric.

I have found the older I get the less I care about what others think of me which is a blessing as I can be myself more. Also there is retirement time to look forward to with more leisure to pursue your interests.

I moved to my area 23 years ago and then I was still young enough to run around, work full time, follow my interests, and had bags of energy. Now another 23 years and associated health problems will see me into my late 80's, which I don't expect to make. It's quite a depressing thought and the older you get the faster time seems to go doesn't it. All you can do is come to terms with it as death is as inevitable as life and we all go in the end. You just hope for a peaceful death and feel contented knowing you have lived your life as fully as possible. x

[Starrlight]

❤️