MAKING A NEW FRIEND IS SCARY

[MrZee]

Recently I met a person who is quite a nice guy and so full of life. He’s very involved socially and is always on the go enjoying life. He’s a fantastic person that I find absolutely fascinating.

Our conversations have been great. There’s a lot we have in common... such as a like for animals, movies, and other various things.

I’ve told him I’m in a primary relationship of 25 years and he’s single. We’re both fine with that. It’s all strictly platonic.

Now comes the scary part. He’s shared so much with me what he’s done and what he’s accomplished in life. I just sit back and listen... I’m a good listener. In our conversation I did mention that I battle with depression, yet I’m on medication that helps. Even scarier he asks what do I enjoy doing in life? The truth is that I feel like I’m existing and not living. But I don’t want to tell him that because I don’t want to bring a pity party into a potentially good friendship. So I just said, “Well, I just take each day as it comes.” There’s a lot of emotional pain in my life and I just don’t want to dump that on him.

Anyway, I get scared when I meet very active people and when they’re curious as to what I do for fun in life. I’m too terrified to tell the truth: I exist and I’m bored and I live in a lot of fear and so on.

Anyone else out there that has encountered something like this? I just don’t want to feel alone in this challenging matter.

[IHadADog]

I don't have advice for you, just empathy. I also feel weird meeting new people and deciding how honest to be (or not). The only thing I can share is that people are surprisingly understanding when you share your truth. Not everyone, and it's hard to know in advance. But lots of people are. Good luck.

[JAYnLA]

I tend to open up about my anxiety pretty quickly. It's surprising how often people are familiar with the problem. The 'fun' question bothers me. My sister recently asked, "Well what are you doing for fun?", and it floored me. It let me know that she really doesn't understand what I've been dealing with on a fundamental level and sent me into a bit of an emotional spiral for a bit.

[Kat63]

I can relate. Two or three times in my life, one of those people who are popular and well-adjusted has liked *me*. One time a drop-dead gorgeous young woman even told me, “You’re cool.”

When these incidents occur, I always feel like a fraud. I feel like the person would not like me if they got to know me better. This is a sad commentary on how I view myself.

[MrZee in reply to Kat63]

Well Kat63 you hit the nail right on the head meaning I can empathize 100%. The good in this is we’re not alone with our esteem’s struggles. This is a reason why I don’t hang out with a lot of people. There’s very few that know about my struggles and those are the ones that understand my dilemma. I was completely taken by surprise meeting this person and we really clicked. Of course I mostly listened. Anyway thank you for your response. It truly means a lot to me.