Depressed dad: Hi there I'm new to a... - Anxiety and Depre...

Anxiety and Depression Support

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Depressed dad

Juice530turkeyman profile image

Hi there I'm new to a support group and have been suffering from serious depression and anxiety for over 15 years.ive buried both my parents my closest uncle's who helped raise me my highschool sweet heart and three close friends.i just buried my best friend my best dog I've had over 11 years who got me threw so much and just found out I have bipolar depression inherited from my mom and my ex is moving states away and taking my only son.im loosing my mind and em terribly sad everyday and don't have any love or support that I need to get threw this and I'm tired of fighting and tired of loosing everything I love.my heart is shattered and I'm just looking for some way to cope with this huge hole in my chest that has completely ate away the awesome and wonderful guy I used to be.every day is a constant reminder and everything reminds me of the past and cuts me deep for I would give anything to go back in time but I know that's just futile and I would have to relive all the pain again..my life is like groundhogs day with pain and despair.please send any helpful hints or ideas of coping for I've lost the love and passion for everything I used to love.thanks

17 Replies
JAYnLA profile image
JAYnLA

Hey Juice. Your post breaks my heart, too. I've suffered some loss recently and it hurts. Add in my anxiety problems and - well, it's just not a fun chapter of life to be in a lot of the time. What's helping me is not isolating (reaching out to at least one friend a day), taking walks or jogs (if you can jog a bit it really helps), therapy and now some medication. Are you currently doing any of these things? I'm glad you're here.

Juice530turkeyman profile image
Juice530turkeyman in reply to JAYnLA

I take walks and hike with my son i try n work out a few times a week, I'm scared to get on meds for I was addicted to opiates alcohol and hard drugs for years trying to numb my pain and don't know if it's healthy for my disorders.ive since conqured all of my addictions but my anxiety depression and panic attacks.the anxiety and panick attacks go away but the depression is so hard to beat for it shows up when it wants to and leaves when it wants to like a shitty rain cloud of pain and all it has done is hurt the people around me and none of my friends or family "my brother and sister" understand or even try to get it they just think it'll go away but don't offer any actual support even tho I know they love me they just have their own lives and kids and I understand.i don't want to hurt them or be a burden on them.everything I read is just self help which I try but just feel like I'm climbing mt everest.thanks for responding no one I know seems to understand it.i really appreciate it

JAYnLA profile image
JAYnLA in reply to Juice530turkeyman

That's what we are here for. A recovered addict myself, I want to urge you not to equate psych meds that may help you with 'party drugs'. They are very different things used for very different reasons. (You probably know that, but medication is currently helping me and it might help you, too.)

Juice530turkeyman profile image
Juice530turkeyman in reply to JAYnLA

I can't even state how good it is to talk to someone thank u.ive read so many things and my bipolar depression scares the shit out of me I watched my mom go threw all kinds of meds for years with crazy attacks and in and out of mental hospitals with no luck from meds until way later on with valume a drug I was addicted to.so my life has spiraled out of control and ive lost everything and my sense of hoplessness is daily even when I get good news or a new girlfriend or my dream job I just got. nothing makes me happy anymore.the only thing that does is watching my son grow and now I'm loosing him to and know that's gonna kick me right back in my dark hole of deppression and all my little things that used to help me don't work anymore and I just feel lost and nothing online works.thanks for being an open ear for me I know there's so many people out in the world suffering worst then I.

Pearl67 profile image
Pearl67 in reply to JAYnLA

And Juice, many, many people who battle addiction are dually diagnosed with mental health issues. Many treat with counseling (a must) and medication. Some do not and “white knuckle it,” much like a person trying to “do recovery” on their own. No support, no program. It can be done, just not nearly as joyful for the person or anyone near them.

Do you go to meetings? Even if you have long term recovery, meetings (healthy meetings) are a Godsend!

I am in Alanon.

Kat63 profile image
Kat63

You’ve lost so much. I hear your concerns about medication. But maybe if you worked with a doctor who knew your history, something could be done with meds.

I know it’s hard to make yourself do the self-help things. I came here not too long ago, and people recommended exercise and meditation. I still haven’t exercised yet. And I know I need to get consistent with the meditation. People without anxiety and depression can’t seem to understand how hard even little things can be.

You’ve certainly experienced more losses than many have or will in their lifetime. What many others and even we, ourselves fail to remember is that a mental health disorder does not supersede or override feelings of loss, loneliness and grief. Grief and loss are some of the most powerful emotions anyone can experience and there is nothing that can physically fill the void left behind after losing a loved one (people and pets).

I don’t handle loss well because I fear being alone more than anything. You can tell yourself a million times that no one lives forever but to never hear a voice, feel a hug, stroke a pets back, etc. is nothing you can prepare for until you actually go through it. You are experiencing a great deal of grief, change and loss and have the comorbid “joy” of adding mental health disorders to it all. It’s perfectly understandable not to want to look into or think about our pasts but closure is a powerful tool. Closure doesn’t fix anything but it can bring a sense of moving on from each loss, issue, trauma, etc. There are some things we can never fully resolve or even wrap our minds around so we have to essentially do the best we can with what we can change and what we cannot.

I have faith that my lost live ones and pets are at peace but that by know means, makes the pain of loss any less at some points in time. Losing my last dog devesated me because I have no children, am divorced and he was a constant in my life. Losing him felt like losing the last secure aspect of my life, even though I knew he wouldn’t live forever. I am wary of making new friends and have even been slow to open up to my adopted dog of almost a year now because I tend to concentrate on how losing them will feel.

I don’t know your exact feelings towards or relationships with those you have lost but they were obviously very strong influences in your life because their passings have left you in such despair. I know it’s cliche to say to take things one day at a time or things as they come and frankly would want to smack someone if they said that to me...lol At the same time, there are aspects of that you can use when it comes to working through your grief. Mental health disorders can be exasperated do to even the most mundane of issues so it can also be exhausting to try and balance things within yourself.

Reaching out for support and discussing things that you are facing are a huge step all on their own, so know that you are on the right track. Nothing can be fixed overnight but you can prioritize yourself and your environment in order to make things easier for you to cope. If there is no way around your ex moving away with your son, could you set up a definitive communication plan with him or your ex (depending on his age)? Knowing that you won’t lose him or contact with him could be a big motivator for you.

Grief and many mental health disorders can exhibit themselves in the same way when it comes to emotions, thoughts and even our actions. I personally had to thoroughly exam and remind myself which was which after a certain point due to how it was affecting my thoughts and daily life. There’s is no time frame for grief and adding to it life’s ups and downs with a mental health disorder for the kicker can leave you spinning and not knowing up from down. Start with what you can control or have a say so in (beginning with yourself) and go from there. Allow yourself to in a sense find it okay to understand why you aren’t okay and maybe take on issues that may bother, plague, cause issue, bring joy, shine a light on, etc. all that you are currently thinking and feeling.

Take care.

Pearl67 profile image
Pearl67

Juice,

I am so, so sorry for your losses! Anyone would be struggling. Go easy on yourself, but don’t isolate!! Tricky, We all know😬

The med thing is sketchy for alot if us. Not because of addiction, but which one will work. Can I suggest dna test to see which meds work well with your body? There are several out there. Some covered by ins, sone partially. I used Gene Folio. There is Gene Site and one of the other members used another one with awesome results.

Maybe look into it!

I would like to thank all of you who have posted and let me speak from my broken heart it means the world to me.thank you all truly.much love

kenster1 profile image
kenster1 in reply to Juice530turkeyman

wish you well suffer myself and like you I am a father.its hard but they keep us going.

gerg profile image
gerg

The philosopher Epictetus spoke about our difficulty with perspective. He concluded basically that; ‘Things are not good or bad, but it is the view that we choose to take of them that makes them so’. The challenge is to find a view that serves us better.

Separation from a loved one, in different ways, can be viewed as a gift or as a problem.

When we loose everything we still remain with god .

Missnoname profile image
Missnoname

Hi. I obviously don't know your whole situation, but I'm curious of the reason your ex is moving your son so far away and if you have any legal options. My ex and I had planned to move to Florida; I honestly think Ohio is a big contributing factor to my mental health issues, I absolutely hate it here. But we separated and he wants to stay close to family. I would never in a million years think of moving my kids now and taking them away from their father. It's just my opinion, but unless it's the only option, parents should make an effort, and sacrifices, to keep both parents accessible to their kids. I can't imagine how I'd feel if I were you, and your feelings are definitely warranted. 😟

Hopeful-Grace81 profile image
Hopeful-Grace81

Hi. I also suffer from bipolar depression and anxiety. My ex husband hasn’t let me speak or see my 6 year old son for over a year. I am so sorry you are going though this. Like you I buried my mom this past Christmas. She had stage 4 lung cancer. I haven’t copes really well and found this app and hope to find hope in here. I wish you the best and I hope things get better for you. I am truly sorry.

DREAMYGIRL profile image
DREAMYGIRL

First of all, I would like to say you are strong and really heads of to you to be strong till now. I think you need to take break from all stress, loss and sorrow. Why don't you go for a trip? Go meet strangers, nice people and in those moments only think about yourself. Sometimes when everyone leaves us alone then at that time learn how to love yourself. Please go for a trip , and explore yourself. Do something that gives you aim to live. I believe and faith in yourself you'll be out of this depressed situation. God bless you.🤗🤗🤗

Bigmo1961 profile image
Bigmo1961

I understand completely.

Sadiesmile profile image
Sadiesmile

I am so sorry to hear about all that you are trying to get through. I am going through something similar. It can be so difficult at times I know. I am trying to focus on self care and staying in the present as much as possible. It helps sometimes to not let your thoughts run away to the uncertainty of the future. Take things day by day or even minute by minute if you need to. If you ever want to vent...I am a good listener.

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