Y'know what. These past few days have been absolute torture. I've been so fixated on my opinions and the way I think as compared to my family members (the elders). I've been doubting myself a lot and doubting how I'm gonna be in the future to raise my kids (if I even have any lmao why am I even thinking about this ?). I feel so conflicted with myself because on one hand, I really want to just hold on to what I believe is right, and on the other, I feel like I'm wrong bcs my opinions are not the same as my conservative family members who are actually pretty nice people. A little closed minded, but that's just their generation. I don't judge them tbh. To me, people can have any opinion so long as they don't impose it or make others feel bad/harm them. But these days I've been questioning everything I believe in and it's been bothering me so much bcs I feel like I've lost confidence in myself as a person. I know I'm not wrong but I keep obsessing over the same issues over and over and over again and I feel so emotionally exhausted bcs I'm usually a chill person who doesn't care what others think.
I've become so fixated on the idea that whatever opinion I have is wrong and that my family is right. I mean, whatever, I don't care how they think bcs it's an opinion but it's making me feel like "should I...not be thinking this way...?" But I feel like I've come such a long way, y'know ? I've become more tolerant, more understanding about minorities, more understanding on a lot of different things. I've developed an opinion and thinking of my own and now I feel this weird pressure to conform to how others think.
Thing is, I've never been radical about any opinion. I just support what's right. Equal rights for all regardless of sexuality ? Yeah. No discrimination of any race or religion ? Yep. Women's rights ? Sure 100%. Breaking gender roles ? Without a doubt ! The toxic way people put down others to promote their agendas (aka putting down one group of people to praise the other) ? Psft I'll pass that's just not fair.
But now I've just fixated over one thing. And I keep thinking over it over and over and over. And I don't even understand why bcs I never even talk about sensitive issues. I choose not to bcs these arguments are weary and unimportant. I don't like being overly triggered by people (unless they say smtg really stupid and triggering or just become violent). Ever since I spoke to some people about certain issues it felt so weird bcs I felt so out of place. Now I don't wanna bad mouth my family bcs they're good, with just different opinions. But I guess when everyone looks at you judgementally you feel sort of bad as you should be different, huh ? I'm not always like this. I'm usually quite secure with my opinions and the way I think but it's a new thought I've been obsessing over and I just can't stop. Does being good really = being conservative and traditional ? Really ?
All I want to do is be kind and gentle towards everyone. Tell people when they're wrong but never spew hate. Condemn terrible things that cause others harm but not cater to someone else's discomfort. Does that really make me bad ? Do I NEED to judge and be upset over people just living life the way they want to ?
Stuck
Slowly losing faith again…
Tension headaches 
I'm desperate and that's pathetic 
