This was not how it was suppose to be

[Trappedandlost]

Earlier today I went and signed papers to get me off the lease of an apartment that me and my now ex girlfriend/fiancee had. Me and her were together for 7/8 years and three days before Christmas she cheated on me and on Christmas she broke up with me and then a week later starts dating the guy she cheated on me with. Signing those papers were hard enough but later in the day I'm on online on my phone (which use to be her phone) and see things she was searching. Things like searching for doctors,obgyn, " just found out I'm pregnant now what do I do", when im pregnant can I eat this or that etc. A few years ago we were pregnant and we lost our child cause stress of being kicked out where we were living and the move caused a miscarriage. I'm just I don't know, hurt isnt a strong word to use for this situation but I'm just crushed, devastated etc over all this and my friends try to help me but I honestly don't see any good in it cause nothing is going to help and I just end up pushing people away and just don't know what to do,if there is anything to do, or how to move on. I was in love with this girl and ya I might have done some stuff but regardless of that I loved her and how we're living our lives now just isn't right, it isn't how it was suppose to be a

[Lightattheend]

I'm so sorry about your situation, as I too can relate to being cheated on. The only thing I can tell you is that time will eventually heal this horrible pain you're feeling. The pain of a broken heart is unexplainable. It's not like it's a headache where you can take a tylenol to get rid of it or get something prescribed by a Dr to take it away. It hurts like heck. Time is the only thing that will heal you from this. Even if you're not up to doing anything because you're so depressed that you just wanna lay around, please try to keep your mind occupied. If she has social media, as hard as it may be, stay away from her page(s) as it will hurt you more to see something you don't wanna see. If you believe in GOD pray. He too will bring you some peace. Blessings.

[Redheaded-girl]

I can relate to this on such a deep level, it is unreal. I was with my ex for over 8 years. He was my first everything and my high school sweetheart, we started dating when he was 13 and I was 15. I did EVERYTHING for him, of course I wasn’t perfect and I now realize I should have asked for mental help when I was younger. Anyway, he hid being friends with a girl behind my back for three years, he broke up with me and not even two weeks after, slept with her. A month or two later, he officially started dating her and I just found out a week ago, he proposed to her. The guy who I could never picture in a million years, ever loving somebody else but me or wanting to be with someone else. I was told since I was like 16-17, that we were going to be married and all of this stuff and it was the biggest slap in the face. I have been dealing with TERRIBLE anxiety, depression, panic attacks and thoughts of not wanting to be around lately.

I am in a new relationship and as much as I care and love my new boyfriend, it doesn’t take away any of that horrible pain or that feeling of no self worth or no self love. I just want to say to you, that you’re strong and you’re brave and you’re kind. Regardless of mistakes you might have made, it didn’t give her a reason to do what she did to you. It is hard for me to give advice, when I don’t even take my own, but let God handle them. I have been told time and time again, that Karma is real and Karma finds a way of showing up when it needs to. It might not happen on our time or when we wish it would, but it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist.

My biggest piece of advice that I can give, is please use this time to help you! I waited so long to ask my family doctor for help or to get into therapy that I was severely depressed. I recently just had to have my antidepressants of over two years changed because of everything and I got back into going to therapy. It has been two years, but I am still hurting because I didn’t deal with things and I was afraid to face what was actually happening. It is almost like I wanted to pretend the pain wasn’t there because I don’t know why. I have come to learn that I suffer a lot from generalized anxiety disorder, massive depression disorder and I think now abandonment anxiety disorder. I am always here to talk, if you need someone because like I said, this story hits so hard and really does resignate with me. It is a difficult thing to talk about and it is difficult to put your words into sentences. I also pray every single night, I pray for not only others and what not, but I pray for strength and better days...not going to lie, I pray for them to feel guilt and regret. My ex best friend, even left me like a year after the breakup and now she is best friends with my ex and his new person. And she was my best friend for 19 years. So, I know the pain and I know the hurt and I know you don’t have to be alone. I have been told by others who are a good twenty some years older than me and they have told me, that Karma will catch up to them and they have seen their situations play out the same way, time and time again. Just please know that it is okay, to not be okay and it is okay to deal with the feelings how you seem fit. It doesn’t mean that you don’t love your friends or family, it is just really hard right now and you need grace and love and their support. They might not like it, but if they truly care, they are going to be there even during your times of pushing them away.

[gerg]

It sounds like you are stuck in an emotional trap. These traps serve us in some ways, but most often they serve to keep us in our misery. A trap is maintained by irrational thoughts. We can choose to stay in the trap but it would be best if we are honest, with ourselves and those around us, about our choice. We can also choose to get rid of the trap.

An example of an irrational belief is “it is not the way it is supposed (meant) to be”. It may not be the way that you would like it to be, but it is the way that it currently is. I can’t prove that it was meant to be anything other than the way that it is. We don’t know what is in the future.

In your case, you may (and probably will) meet a woman, who is absolutely wonderful, and you will be happy for life. This would be a rational belief. This type of belief will not leave you in an emotional trap. You probably would increase the possibility of this happening with rational thinking, rather than pining for what once was.

I use a little saying that I put together to keep things in the proper perspective. “Right now, everything in my world is exactly as it is meant to be”. You can use it too and I hope that you start feeling better.

[Agora1 in reply to gerg]

I like that saying gerg..

Hope you are doing okay. x