I’m always the fixer-upper for every problem -trying to find a happy medium peacefully - and it ALWAYS back fires. 3 ISSUES TODAY
. #1) All i want from my husband is his TIME, & since his drinking was causing sooo many problems.. I did as his dad said & gv an ultimatum, September last yr.. I can always tell he sneaks off to drink & then drives - NOT GOOD, then Lies straight faced 2me.. alcohol turns him n2 an angry drunk directed straight at me.. but in turn his sneaky drinking steals time from us. & if I say OK to drink at home ( because I miss it too sometimes) but it didn’t turn me into the devil -so if he becomes the angry drunk as before his father told me many times - that it’s my fault because I allowed it - even tho he is 54 years old . I tried having a conversation with my husband about it today and told him openly about how I get the blame From his family I could tell today that he had drink it took him almost 4 hours to do a store run - that’s why I talk to him about it today and even though I made it so clear what the conversation was about alcohol and he wasn’t drunk but he still acted as if he did not understand what I was even talking about - as my deceased best friend said just because I had a breakdown 4 yrs ago...people will use it as a crutch to make me look like I am not makeing sense about any issue . Regardless that conversation ended with me saying you’re my husband - tell me what you think in the conversation ended/ so not sure about any of that— except he looked at me like I was crazy AND ...then my daughter had a great visit with my mom and that makes me very happy but suddenly mom has forgotten all the harsh words she has said to me & forgot that she was upset that she hurt her own little girl but that’s all right - it Hass to be there’s nobody around here that gives a shit & I love each and everyone of y’all that replies to me since hugs etc. but it does not change that I don’t have one person here in my neighborhood ,in my town etc that I can tt. I left my daughter a voicemail yesterday inviting her over for a good supper! Her favorite she never responded & my mom sd she did not get any invite from me— when it’s clearly shown on my outgoing calls - I always end up the bad guy .. I’m Keeping my mouth shut !!! & YALL ONLY KNOW JUST A CORNER OF MY ISSUES... tomorrow is my psychiatrist appointment and I’m too tired to even talk, I’m just gonna say in things going the same — it never changes anything anyway because when I tell my husband that she says he needs to educate himself on my illnesses he never does.. so what is the point ?? I did email the priest to our local church first time ever for volunteering or something .. anyway I have a good night cocoon closing 4the night