Tired of Suffering

[stones67]

Suffering with major depression, anxiety & social anxiety for most of my life. The treatments I've gone through over the years have only been a temporary band aid & only prolongs the perpetual pain. It has been debilitating to the point where you cannot function normally, and most difficult to hold down a job for any length of time. I welcome death.

[RainbowKitty03]

I understand your feelings and I realize how exhausting it can be. But you can’t give in you have to believe that without the depression and anxiety there is a beautiful life waiting for you

I know there is no cure but you can learn to control it

Have you tried finding a job you can work from home ?

I’m very sorry to hear that this has been a difficult time for you but I will be your friend and we can try to talk through this together and hopefully we can find some permanent solutions

[stones67 in reply to RainbowKitty03]

I recently lost my job just a few days before Christmas. No reason, just that they were letting me go. Now I'm unemployed with no skills to speak of. I've applied to more than a dozen places, yet haven't heard from anyone. Which only deepens my depression & anxiety, it's off the charts. At the crack of dawn I tremble & sweat in fear of what the uncertainty holds for me. Nothing good or reassuring. It's worse than pain.

[ksquig]

I'm really sorry that you are feeling so depressed and anxious right now. I often ask myself why I have this? And, I never really come up with any good answers. Sometimes I tell myself that we all have a cross to bare and this is just mine.

Remember, that we are all here to help and support you. Do you see a therapist? Are you on any medication? Was there a time in your life when you were that you remember as being better than where you are now? If so, can you try that medication/therapy again?

Right now, I'm in a pretty bad place, but I tell myself that I just started a medication that did help me a lot in the past. Therefore, I'm not going to feel like this forever. I'm going to get back to feeling better. You can too!

[stones67 in reply to ksquig]

Why we have this? I ask myself the same. There really isn't one reason or one answer. Experts say at some point the brain was traumatized for whatever reasons. Equivalent to your brain being short-circuited.

I do see a therapist & have been on meds for over 20 years. It appears to be at its worst every 10 years or so. In 1998 a suicide attempt, in 2009 another attempt & now in 2019 it's beyond painful yet again.

I'm sorry you're in a bad place as well. It's so debilitating.

[ksquig in reply to stones67]

Do you have any ideas about why it hits you about every 10 years? Has something happened at those points?

It's interesting to think about the source being a trauma. I wonder what the implications for treatment are. I tried EMDR therapy recently and it did help with a specific anxiety I was having related to a specific trauma. It really did help with that, but it hasn't helped with other anxiety I have that is unrelated to a specific trauma.

[stones67 in reply to ksquig]

No clue as to why every 10 years or so. And I didn't mean physical trauma to the brain, (although I'm sure that would trigger it as well) I meant psychological trauma. My trigger long ago was that my stepfather had repeatedly raped me from the ages of 9 to 14. But I didn't have my first psychological/suicidal episode until 1998 when I was 31 years old.

The mental hospitals wanted to try shock therapy treatment, but I refused. I've heard horror stories about having that done, such as amnesia, forgetting who you are, etc.

[Sabio77]

I feel your frustration and pain stones67. I am glad you reached out to us here on HealthUnlocked. It is draining and straining on levels. I can relate. Question for you my friend, have you talked to a properly trained professional to help figure out what triggers your depression, anxiety and social anxiety? That's part of the first major steps towards recovery and claiming your life back. I am a walking talking testimony of that it is definitely possible to overcome and put it past you. It is a process my friend. I am a firm believer everyone can become an overcomer. I find out what helps me, that I recognize the trigger, cut it off by changing my mindset. You can be delivered! Please keep us posted. let us know how you are doing. Believe in yourself. I do. Hugs