help w/ friendships

[12345guitar]

hi everyone!

i’m new to this site so i’m not really sure how to use it. but, i’m in high school and my friendships are stressing me out a lot. other than my best friends, i feel as if people only want to hang out with me when they want something from me and i hate feeling as if i’m sending so much love into the world and getting so little of it back. i’m not expecting much, i’ve just been really sad since i feel like i’m doing something wrong and it’s hard to not take it personally. what can i do to stop feeling this way?

[Mlovinska1]

Ur gonna find a bunch of people like that! But don’t worry, you’ll find the right ones that love you back and those will be the friends u will have the best time with

[Margo1120]

Your post stood out to me bc I can feel the emotions that I felt in highshool coming back to me. And bc I have a 16 year old stepdaughter who comes to me for everything. Especially the difficult times. My highschool experience consisted of a lot of tough times. Some amazing (albeit pretty stupid) times too! I will not write this & claim that everyday of high school was awful. I ALWAYS try to find the positive in everything. If I didn't, I wouldn't be alive to write to you...

My friends dads weren't getting arrested or being taken away in a straight jacket to the psych hospital. They didn't suffer from mental illnesses. I mean, I didn't know it then bc I had never gone to a dr till I graduated & brought myself. Then after years of suicidal ideation & many, many appts & tests & scars & hurt & pain & shit, I finally knew why I wasn't like everyone else. (1st time I contemplated suicide was at 11 years old. I didn't know that wasn't normal till I got older. I started to self harm at 12. I knew that wasn't normal or accepted though, so I always hid my self mutilatuon along with my infinite sadness & fears.) I had no one to relate to or talk to about the hard parts of life. About what I went home to every night. I couldn't tell my friends. They wouldn't understand. It was a real struggle.

Unfortunately, there's no quick fix to change the way you feel...bc your feelings are your own. You ARE entitled to them. They are valid. Don't ever forget that. But there are a few things you can do that WILL make a difference in the way you feel.

So...fake it till you make it! Don't let people know they get to you or hurt you. Act like you don't care. ALWAYS keep your head high, shoulders back, eyes with pride & nonchalant attitude upfront & center. I promise as hard as it may seem, it will help. With all the love you have to offer the world & friends who will appreciate you & love you for you (& not just what you can bring to the table), why waste your time, energy, thoughts & love on unappreciative people? One thing I can promise you is that there is a whole other world out there after high school. People who will not only love you but who also value you. I know, I know...I haven't been in high school in 20 years. What do I know? Things may change, but people remain the same. Ever heard the latter? It's true. I want you to be the thing that changes. Change the "friends" who are only there when it benefits them. You can still hang with them & definitely have fun with them, but don't give your all to people who don't appreciate it. Save it for those who do appreciate it. It'll be so much more sacred if it's saved for those who deserve it. Dig deep down into yourself. Write down a list of why you're awesome. Why your friendship is precious. Why your love is important. Etc. Re-read it over & over. Then remember your reasons why & your sadness will ease bc you'll start to value yourself. I've been there. I get it. And I get a hundred million other things bc I've lived them & continue to live them. Please hold your head up, know that you are enough, that your world will vastly change after graduation, don't stop loving, rock out to that song, be pure, unadulterated you, have as much fun as you can & make sure the people who make you sad don't know that. Predator prey, ya know?

Fyi- I'm at the gym, which is "me time". I just spent 35 minutes writing to you. Why? Bc you're worth it. So I hope you take my advice & run with it. And if you ever want to chat (about this or anything else), feel free to message me. I can't promise I'll see it & respond within the hour. Maybe not even the day. Simply bc I work with my hands, I'm rarely on my phone or tab & I suck at keeping up with things bc of my crazy, hectic, nonstop life. Lol. But when I see a message from you, I will reply right away. Good luck & I'm looking forward to hearing how well you're doing in the future! Peace & love.

[BlueCat89]

unfortunately, this is something that you will deal with when you're older like me. All I can say is lean on those you know you can trust. Those are the ones who will have your back no matter what. Give them the best of your energy and love.