work-related stress

[gris]

Hi, this is my first post here, though I've been following this community for a couple of years. I found this community while navigating a very stressful job--essentially working 4 full-time positions simultaneously--which I eventually quit due to its toxicity and toll on my personal life and self worth. I was very successful in those positions, but could not justify the stress.

I took the last year to focus on growing my own business and experienced really amazing, fulfilling success in such a short amount of time. While the work is fulfilling, it definitely led me to take a pay cut, so I've recently picked up a part time nonprofit job to help make ends meet. Although I'm only working 20 hours a week, I'm finding myself once again in the same mental cycle I experienced in my last paid position--feeling stressed, experiencing mental blanks, unable to communicate, and losing my perspective of my worth. I realize these are unfounded feelings, as I'm doing very well in this new position and receiving positive feedback from my boss and coworkers. But the stress is taking its toll again on me personally, and is now cutting into my business operations. I'm feeling a bit stuck and confused, and could use some support. My husband has been so supportive through all of these seasons both financially and emotionally, but I'm terrified that I'm slipping into the same spot I was in before and worried about putting this strain on him again.

Does anyone have advice on how to work through these feelings and keep work at work? Thanks for being here; reading your posts has really helped me gain perspective these past couple of years.

[teemo1]

Hi Gris,

I think my situation is kind of similar to yours in that I feel my anxiety is mainly work related. I've been doing this same kind of work in this same place for many years now, and I've grown bored with it. But it's low stress, it's close to home, and it pays well. And I have a mortgage and family to support, so I feel trapped.

I would rather have my own business where I could work where and when I choose, rather than feeling stuck in this place for 40 hours a week every week. It sounds like that's what you need, too. It seems like if we could both be free of working for others, our emotional conditions would vastly improve.

[gris in reply to teemo1]

Thank you for your empathy, Teemo1! It is difficult to feel as if we're trading emotional stability for financial security. I often try to recognize how differently my anxieties would manifest without a secure job, and that seems to help. Though knowing this continues to be an issue for me is what causes me panic. I'm a people pleaser to a fault--which is why I can perform well at work--but I often feel I'm selling myself out to go with the flow, like I'm eroding something fundamental. I think that's why working for myself feels easier, and more genuine.

Knowing you have similar feelings is very comforting. Thank you for sharing. I hope you feel proud of how you've maintained stability for your family through your work--it's no small task, especially when anxiety manifests. Hugs to you.

[hammock_lvr]

Having worked in many nonprofit organizations, they typically aren’t well resourced and one can often over work them selves “for the cause”. Sometimes there’s a culture to do that, too. We can become codependent with organizations as well as individuals and I’m speaking from my own experience. My point being, it may not me all you. This may not be the most conducive work to go along with your business as it is exhausting. There’s typically not enough resources and the job is never done. I’ve also had fantastic jobs in the nonprofit sector but leadership is key and the fact that it’s overseen by volunteers can be great, or can be hell if the leadership doesn’t know what they’re doing. Again, I speak from my own experience. 🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

Is there a job you can find that is more aligned with your long term goals?

I believe in you! ❤️ Good luck. And remember to breathe deeply and often.

[gris in reply to hammock_lvr]

Thank you for this thoughtful reply! My prior position was also in a nonprofit, and when I left I told myself I needed some distance from that world, as it can be all-encompassing. After a year and some confidence building, I figured a part time position to consider my "side hustle" to my business would be a great combination--I can still do meaningful work with a group while informing and advancing my own personal business goals. I think I experienced some amnesia regarding what it means to work for a cause, though, as I'm thinking about this job more often than the business I've spent the last several years building. All this to say, I think you're right. When looking for jobs, though, I'm always drawn to this sector because of the mission. I guess a little re-orienting is in order

Thanks again for the kind words and advice! Your perspective really helps me process this and better examine the nature of my anxieties.

Hugs

[UB4me]

I do understand. I worked in the same business for 13 years. The company seemed to never provide clear direction and I always found myself feeling stressed and looking for a change. At first, I blamed much of this on the company. Now, I think, although there was probably some truth to that, I was also to blame. I think as a woman (mother, wife, etc.) I had a divided heart. This division was causing undue stress. In 2017, my husband and I agreed that I would leave my professional career (that I'd worked very hard at) to come home. It was my decision and he supported me. I have to admit, although it is certainly not all roses, I don't feel the desire to go back to work outside of the home at this point. I hope you are able to find peace about your concerns.

[gris in reply to UB4me]

Thank you for sharing your story ❤️ I do think it’s hard to navigate professional life, especially when it doesn’t jive with your passions or sense of humanity. It’s lovely you were able to make the change with your partner’s support. Thanks for the kind words; I hope you’re at peace as wel ❤️

[suzzze]

I don’t have my own business but I also struggle with wrk related stress. It’s easy to burn out. I wish I had good advice to give u. All I can say is to do the best u can and set boundaries in your work. Sometimes things have to wait. If ur not okay neither will ur business be. Find one thing u can do for yourself a day. For example for me it’s watching an episode of Seinfeld before bed or stopping for sushi On my way Home lol

[gris in reply to suzzze]

I love this—such simple advice (yet why so hard to remember to do??) Seinfeld and sushi all the way 🙌 The boundary setting is a new skill, but I seem to be hearing about it a lot in my personal and friend’s lives. I guess that means I need to pay attention 😊

Thanks for writing! ❤️

[suzzze in reply to gris]

Of course. Message me anytime! I get super stressed with work too so I’m here if u ever need to vent.