I'm new, and alone

[TicoBird]

I have problems and I want to reach out to get help, but I feel like nobody knows me well enough. All the people I reveal myself too just see one side of a die with many sides and may be repulsed or scared by what they don't see. I can't be a burden on someone, they will just walk away rather than take on the responsibility. Not all of my problems are private, but I'm the only one who knows all the ways in which they interweave and intensify each other.

I have not been diagnosed, but I know I am depressed. It's hard to find true joy, so I turn to mindless pleasures like sugar and television, which fix the problem in the short term but make everything else seem greyer and like a chore to be procrastinated.

My mood is always fluctuating, but I always have the underlying feeling that nothing ever changes, or at least nothing ever gets better. Sometimes, when walking home from school or running the dishwasher, the weight of all the worlds problems condense me into an insignificant ball of troubled emotions. One day I will function perfectly and all will seem well. Other times I have to fight just to get myself to brush my teeth. I'm running up a slope, but the farther along I get, the harder it becomes to keep from tripping and falling all the way back to the bottom. I've climbed and climbed, but I always fall back down eventually. If I could just make it out of the ditch that my bad habits and depression keep digging me deeper into, then I could distance myself far enough away from it to prevent myself from falling in in the future. But I need a hand up.

I am not so depressed that I am hurting myself or others, but my emotional resolve to keep trying to fight my way out is thinning rapidly. Here on this online platform, I am just words on a screen. I can reveal everything about myself that matters and still be an unidentifiable voice out of seven and a half billion. I can give back to the world, but I need to make myself whole first. I know I can't do it alone, otherwise, I would have succeeded already. You can help me though. I don't require much, just listening and strength. The one thing that has consistently been able to keep my head above water is other people, people to give me purpose. I can also help you. People are stronger together than they ever could be apart.

Yours in happiness,

TicoBird

[hypercat54]

Hi nice to meet you and welcome to the site. This site is a great online source but maybe you need to think about getting a formal diagnosis by seeing your doctor. There is help out there but you need to look for it.

You have taken the first step by coming in here so well done for that. x

[Dicksoan]

Hey tico bird we are here for u. This platform really helps us all to cry out all our pains hurts shames desires and everything so that we get support from one another. So feel free to share all your pain past and present so that you get support

[dore13]

I think you need to see a medical professional and seek treatment. It is important to have a diagnosis, because then the doctors or therapists can figure out how to treat you. There are many options available. When any person works with a mental health profession they can accomplish a great deal together.

[pink318]

Hi Ticobird,

Welcome to the forum. I hope you can find the support you need and you will be encouraged by others’ experience. Try to consult with a doctor for proper diagnosis and treatments to help you cope with your emotions.

I’m sorry you are going through a tough time, I pray you will stay strong and will have peace to keep going. Please keep us posted and hope you feel better soon. God bless

[Beautyisjustmakeup]

You are NOT alone, unfortunately it is more unhappy ppl in the world than happy ppl. Is their anything that you are interested in that makes you happy? Everyone has a hobby that sparks their attention, try that.

[Godislove_46]

Hi TicoBird and welcome to your new friends. We all wish you well and always know that we are here to listen, encourage and help you and each other. The world is a better place when we all come together. Hi pray that you will find the strength to seek professional help. Try making a doctor's appointment and inform them how you are feeling. There is help for you. Don't feel like you have to suffer. Stay in touch and make that appointment.