Hi family, I hope youāre all doing well. I need to talk about some things that are going through my mind.
As you know, we moved back to our hometown on Friday. I knew it would be good to live by mom and dad and have that support. I have adjusted pretty well.
Iām out of the whole shock of it now and thought about something...
This is a really big change for me. I went from living in total agoraphobia for 3 years (not going outside for weeks at a time, not showering for days, hardly eating and sleeping till 1pm everyday to NOW getting up early, unpacking, taking a shower and running errands (like, actually going outside and driving)! My fiancĆ© wants to correct me and say it was actually months I didnāt go outside and Iāve showered more here than in one month at the old place lol)
How does that happen overnight? Iāll tell you. Itās Adrenaline and itās going to wear off. So the question is...when the adrenaline is gone, am I going to fall back to my old ways or am I going to continue to do what Iām doing? Because Iām doing pretty damn well lol
Yesterday morning was a little rough though. And in a sense set me back a step. My mom has seen me do all these great things since Friday. Sheās actually been with me most of the time. But Iām still very vulnerable so she knows to be gentle on me. And I gave her permission to come over to my new place and drag me out of bed, into the shower and get me out if I start falling.
I donāt know why on earth this happened but she barged in yesterday morning while I was drinking my coffee and was ordering me around and kept pushing me to shower. AGAIN, I definitely want her to do this if Iām doing bad but I have been doing so good as I said above. It was just A LOT you know? Iām 36. And I did set boundaries prior to moving. What she did was so out of the line. I felt like a child. I had plans to go through my clothes and take them to goodwill, come home, shower and meet her to see a movie.
So my day was shot after that and Iām just feeling scared of her doing something over the line again. Sheās my best friend and Iām sure she wanted to help but it was way too much. This is me and my fiancĆ©ās home. I talked to my mommy in Law after my mom left and she was so great. She completely understood that was a little much.
And thank you FAUX!! Ugh you always make good points and Iām happy you understood where I was coming from. It was such a mind #%?! Because I am adjusting so well but she came over like a bat out of hell like I hit bottom or something lol. I did what you said and talked to her about it. She apologized and explained that she just really wants to help with my new life here. But, I also need to feel independent and be able to push myself. And Iām doing good with that so far.
I guess yesterday just scared me. It brought back memories of High School with her pulling me out of bed and being a little over the top. I am half venting and half asking for support while I adjust more here. Xoxo