Yesterday was a little rough 😕

Hi family, I hope you’re all doing well. I need to talk about some things that are going through my mind.

As you know, we moved back to our hometown on Friday. I knew it would be good to live by mom and dad and have that support. I have adjusted pretty well.

I’m out of the whole shock of it now and thought about something...

This is a really big change for me. I went from living in total agoraphobia for 3 years (not going outside for weeks at a time, not showering for days, hardly eating and sleeping till 1pm everyday to NOW getting up early, unpacking, taking a shower and running errands (like, actually going outside and driving)! My fiancé wants to correct me and say it was actually months I didn’t go outside and I’ve showered more here than in one month at the old place lol)

How does that happen overnight? I’ll tell you. It’s Adrenaline and it’s going to wear off. So the question is...when the adrenaline is gone, am I going to fall back to my old ways or am I going to continue to do what I’m doing? Because I’m doing pretty damn well lol

Yesterday morning was a little rough though. And in a sense set me back a step. My mom has seen me do all these great things since Friday. She’s actually been with me most of the time. But I’m still very vulnerable so she knows to be gentle on me. And I gave her permission to come over to my new place and drag me out of bed, into the shower and get me out if I start falling.

I don’t know why on earth this happened but she barged in yesterday morning while I was drinking my coffee and was ordering me around and kept pushing me to shower. AGAIN, I definitely want her to do this if I’m doing bad but I have been doing so good as I said above. It was just A LOT you know? I’m 36. And I did set boundaries prior to moving. What she did was so out of the line. I felt like a child. I had plans to go through my clothes and take them to goodwill, come home, shower and meet her to see a movie.

So my day was shot after that and I’m just feeling scared of her doing something over the line again. She’s my best friend and I’m sure she wanted to help but it was way too much. This is me and my fiancé’s home. I talked to my mommy in Law after my mom left and she was so great. She completely understood that was a little much.

And thank you FAUX!! Ugh you always make good points and I’m happy you understood where I was coming from. It was such a mind #%?! Because I am adjusting so well but she came over like a bat out of hell like I hit bottom or something lol. I did what you said and talked to her about it. She apologized and explained that she just really wants to help with my new life here. But, I also need to feel independent and be able to push myself. And I’m doing good with that so far.

I guess yesterday just scared me. It brought back memories of High School with her pulling me out of bed and being a little over the top. I am half venting and half asking for support while I adjust more here. Xoxo

[Hidden]

feel sorry for you maria,young couples all over the world,are problely going throu the same,nomater how much you love your parants,living with them can be difficult,the only

way out is to one day move out,to live in your own houre.i know its easyer said than dun

maria,saving up together can be fun sometimes.

[jkl5500]

The tough part of dealing with D & A is that recovery is almost always "3 steps forward, 2 steps backward". After the 3 steps forward, you feel great and think all that stuff is behind you forever. Then Wham! Here come the 2 steps backward, with a ton a bad memories to boot.

Your general direction is forward now. That's what counts. Your mother may have overdone it, but at least she was trying to help. So many people on here get NO support from their families at all! Maybe a little talk with her will straighten things out.

Don't let the past stain your future. What's done is done, but your future is untouched. You can do whatever you like with it, so make the most of it!

[Hidden in reply to jkl5500]

Thanks D! I appreciate that advice. I’ve never really had good friends so it was just my mom and I a lot over the years. And I’m so blessed to have her support. I love our relationship.

And I literally moved here to be physically close to her. I just got bombarded yesterday morning.

You know my history with agoraphobia. Going to the store by myself is huge. I even ran into her at one store on Saturday. We were cracking up. So I got confused when she barged into my home yesterday. I think she thought I’d be in bed still. I don’t know. I just need to do everything at my pace with a little of her help. Gently!

Xoxo ❤️

[kenster1 in reply to Hidden]

don't let yourself slip back into the old routine.this is the new you exploring showering regular getting out running errands.maybe to soon I don't know but you could volunteer meaning your committed to getting out more.your showing great motivation so keep it up.it doesn't have to be 7 days a week as long as you have things to look forward too.

[Hidden in reply to kenster1]

I do belong to a really cool charity here and will definitely reach out to them soon. They’ll be happy I’m back. And I want to get back into my career down the road. It’s been fun getting up early and plugging along. I love you Kenster my buddy 😘

[Margo1120]

Idk you but I support you and I think that you are doing so great by taking this step for your self. A lot of people can’t do that so you should be really proud of yourself. I also think it’s great that you and your mom have such a great relationship. Another thing a lot of people wish they had. But I agree that you need to set boundaries. You are stronger than you know and you will persevere through this with your fiancé and your fresh start. Good for you!

[Hidden in reply to Margo1120]

Wow thank you Margo. That was extremely sweet of you to say. I guess I am pretty proud of myself ☺️ X

[Margo1120 in reply to Hidden]

I’m so happy that you’re proud! Keep on keeping on. You’ve already brought some motivation to me. I am a lot like you. Change is hard, scarry & stressful. But most changes are for the best. I’m a big believe in “everything happens for a reason”! We need to be proud of every little thing we accomplish. Both physically & mentality. I’d like to be here for you if you ever want to talk or swap stories. Remember...you are not alone!

[Hidden in reply to Margo1120]

Thanks Margo! PM me anytime! I’m so happy my story is motivating you. It feels good to run errands and feel some purpose. I haven’t crashed yet 🤞🏼 XO