Terrible anxiety hits again !

[Orangeblossom85]

I had a calm day. Woke up pretty late and then went for a coffee, met with my friend to help her clean up wardrobe.

Then:

- my father called pissed that I’m not home and the dog wants to go out...

- my boss send me a msg to tell that they forgot to let me know about my night shift tonight

- didn’t respond to that mail... so i got back home and feel petrified about my work again...

- I came home and got a letter from “land lord” I used to rent place from and I’m still owing him money...

- and tomorrow I have police hearing, they didn’t inform me about what, I have guests coming to my Airbnb flat so I’m anxious about meeting them and everything that is normal-common daily life...

This all makes me so worried. Not negative. But o v e r w h e l m e d in such a degree that I feel my body’s spasms... muscle twitches, very tight arms and face... hearing my own heartbeat in my ears and adding belly in terrible condition, general anxiety sensation and headache.

Unfortunately this is followed by suicidal ideation...

I just feel that I don’t want to be this way. I feel incapable of handling life. I feel down and terrible. I feel different and I feel weak. And I just would do everything to end it all.

My mind is set to running away and the best and most successful run would be: death. I think that there is still plenty for me to see and discover, plenty of days to live. I hope that one day I will feel easier.

I’m happy that I’m strong enough to make my suicidal thoughts stupid and ridiculous. But that is not always so easy... there isn’t always so much of hope!

Anxiety comes and goes...

Why does it come, I don’t know, nor how to stop it. I would love to be different. I would like to know how to make my life situation better, fix all the problems, pay back the money, say I’m sorry and try to compensate. It doesn’t come easy to me, it takes time... and patience.

I wish I’m strong enough to overcome it all. I wish that I will be able to be brave enough to bring back justice. To the people I hurt and to me from the people that hurt me too...

Most of all I just wish I will continue to BE!

[Hidden]

It does seem like a lot is going on all at once so the way you're feeling is completely understandable. You were strong enough to go to work the other times you can do it again you have us here with you

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to Hidden]

You cannot imagine how much this is all is helping me !!! I would go to my work if it wouldn’t be the forum. I really feel better with all of you! And I really care to participate:))

[deb4598]

I'm so sorry you feel this way now. One day at a time. All you can do is the best you can do this one day, and that is good enough. Many care here.

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to deb4598]

My best solution to everything is sleeping!

[deb4598 in reply to Orangeblossom85]

I have used that method and sometimes it works, but for me just talking it out with those you can trust is better. My heart is there for you.

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to deb4598]

Of course is better! It’s best!!!

Sleeping or any kind of avoidance is not an aid. That actually make things worse

[deb4598 in reply to Orangeblossom85]

I hope you get to feeling better soon. I'm glad you are here on this site. One day at a time. You sound like things have really piled up on you and I can so relate.

[hooterificjoy]

Lately I deal with terrible anxiety everyday for no reason, I wish I could fine a reason so I could fix it. Know you are not alone and that it will pass. That is what I have to keep telling myself everyday. Ive been having terrible withdrawals from Zoloft that I was on for over 10 years, anxiety, nausea, headaches, dizziness, memory loss, head fog and lethargy are just a few of the symptoms I am experiencing.

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to hooterificjoy]

Look for reasons. You can find them deep inside you, even when it seems so different and inaccurate, you will feel that you got the right spot.

[Hidden]

Im so sorry you're going through this. I totally understand how anxiety just surprises you sometimes, and persists even if the so-called "danger" has passed. I'm feeling that now, too, and my tummy just feels so stiff all the time. It really is frustrating and sometimes you just want to shut it all off.

But I even if doesn't feel like it now, the quiet days will come again for all of us.

Stay strong my friend. Even if just means holding onto hope today.

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to Hidden]

I woke up so numb that I can even see properly. It’s all affecting me too much. I can’t handle. That’s all

[Hidden in reply to Orangeblossom85]

I completely understand. Sometimes, like this past week, I wake up and immediately feel my stomach tighten and the day ends up useless cause I'm too anxious to focus even if there's no reason to be anxious.

Just this past week it came to a point when I really had a breakdown and my mind felt like it was going to blow. Now im about 80 percent better but I can still feel the anxiety lingering, and Im constantly praying that it won't come back.

I don't know when you'll feel better but Im hoping it's soon. I'm sure you've survived this before and you'll get through this again.

You're not alone. I used to think I was, and you're one of the people that made me realize I wasn't.

I sincerely hope you get better soon.

[mesfintefera69]

good

[aaronm]

I'm sorry your having a rough day. I know when a few bad things happen then it becomes all compounded on each other. All the small little mole hills become mountains. I hope you feel better soon.

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to aaronm]

It took my three years to build Kilimanjaro of problems. I have so many of them. They all grow worse when they are not treated! It’s my dream to untangle all of my issues during this year. Month has passed and I only managed to go back to work. Nothing else was touched.

If I’m master in something is: avoidance and procrastination ‘

[aaronm in reply to Orangeblossom85]

It appears to me that you mastered on of the most difficult ones first so the rest should be downhill right? Lol. I'm joking. I know its not an easy task.

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to aaronm]

😂

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to Orangeblossom85]

Master of disaster!

[B4andafter]

Hi, So you were having a nice day, then all this crap descended upon you so it's no wonder you are feeling overwhelmed, that is natural. Feeling like you want to run away or sleeping is the flight or fight response (anxiety) because you feel threatened by the events that all culminated in one day. All I can say is, don't be so hard on yourself i.e. telling yourself you are incapable of handling this and that you feel weak. You deserve self-compassion. Try to take it one day at a time as these things will eventually pass. You are strong enough to know that suicidal ideation isn't the answer. I hope you have a good friend or someone you can vent and talk to because that will help. And, we're always here to support you. Stay strong!

[TAPNewEngland]

When it rains, it pours, Exercise, take medication (if you are on any), and overall, be nice to yourself. I just came off four bad days and time is the best medicine for me. Getting appropriate rest is good but don't overdo it. This can make you feel worse. There are many things you can do to find purpose each and every day. Sometimes, life just gets in the way of a good time.

[baileyf14]

I am so sorry you are going through this. anxiety is such a difficult thing to deal with, especially when you have a lot on your plate. Have you tried talking with someone you love and trust about what you are dealing with? If you are struggling with suicide, you need to talk to someone you trust right away! Your life is precious and there are people that love and care for you on this earth. Please find someone to talk to! I hope everything gets better.

[Orangeblossom85 in reply to baileyf14]

I would actually love to learn how to gain hope ! What purpose can I give to my life to make me live despite the suicidal thoughts... I cross the river today and was petrified that I may actually jump...