Family that doesn’t understand

[giddy23]

I don’t think my brother accepts or understands my mental illness. I think he thinks I’m a nuisance and that I’m worthless because of my illness. I feel so defeated and like I never want to visit home again. I just wish I could accept that not everyone understands what we go through and how much we suffer. Any tips for dealing with family members who don’t get it?

[Hidden]

I ignore them. My sister has always treated me less than. I distanced myself from that person. Because a person is socially and/or financially successful doesn't mean they are a better human being.

[giddy23 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you

[Mehditate]

I was in a similar situation. Going no contact with members is quite difficult, but it is the best way to heal. You cannot heal around someone who does not acknowledge your pain. It is simply not healthy. If they don't get that you are struggling, it will take a catastrophe happening to you for them to get it. Family is supposed to understand and support you no matter what. They should be the first to acknowledge your pain and listen to you. If they do not, then something is off and it is best if you kept your distance and limited what you shared with them until you got better because they might not be a healthy support system at the moment. I hope this helps.

[giddy23 in reply to Mehditate]

Thank you

[giddy23 in reply to Mehditate]

I’ve been thinking about your reply and I don’t see my brother often at all and he’s the one I’ve always had the most issue with. I live a thousand miles away from him so I only see him once or twice a year. I just wish there was a way for us to communicate healthily and for him to understand what it’s like to live with depression (+4 other diagnoses). I’ve thought about suggesting some counseling just so we have a neutral party to help us.

[Mehditate in reply to giddy23]

That does sound like a very wise choice. Maybe he does need someone professional to explain the situation. However, before doing that, make sure that you are ready for it. Best of luck!!

[2manypets]

I went through some similar stuff with my family in my early twenties. I had to separate myself from them for a while so I could be okay. It's taken a while, but we've worked through stuff and now do well. I think the biggest change in having a decent relationship with them is my attitude. I spent much time working on my self-esteem, etc... so I now won't settle for less than decent treatment from them.

EVERYONE has their crap to deal with, your family members included. Most people who have dealt with their own stuff aren't so judgmental toward others, I've found.

Hang in there and make sure you take good care of yourself. I'd do whatever I needed to do to become as healthy and independent as possible so you don't NEED their approval.

[giddy23 in reply to 2manypets]

Thank you

[giddy23 in reply to 2manypets]

I feel like all I want is my brother’s approval and I always feel like I’m failing him. I need to work on my self-confidence and be more kind to myself. It’s also high stress because he just got married and I’m getting married in two months. And he’s in the wedding. I appreciate your thoughts. Thank you.

[Stilltrying_]

I have this problem too. My own solution is never to mention my mental health within my family as my reality gets invalidated and that is not good for me. I know how real it is and why it happened ; having said that it hurts and it's hard .

Try and express yourself through friends and link yourself with people who accept your truth. Like on here And I agree; to get as healthy and as independent as possible and literally you don't need their approval at that point.

[writingforjoy]

I am so sorry you are hurting in this way. I have personally found that some people just do not have a capacity to understand unless they themselves have experienced it. It is not a reflection of you or your worth. It is truly sometimes an inability. It is hard to separate how others view us, from how we value ourselves, especially when we deal with mental health issues. But focusing on him, and how he views you, steals your time from working on a healthier you.

Perhaps sending him materials with the illnesses you face would help. But remember, You are worth care and consideration, if he can't listen, maybe pray for him and stop trying to convince him.

I pray that you have peace in this situation and a full revelation of how valuable you are!

[giddy23 in reply to writingforjoy]

Thank you for your kind words. I know I am so fortunate to have empathy and I have to stay strong to help those who need me. I have to adjust my expectations, both of myself and my family. We are good enough.

[writingforjoy in reply to giddy23]

I find supporting others, became my biggest support system. That and the Lord!