Hey guys I just wanted to explain a bit about the situation with my family. Just a little update on how things are going.
It has always just been me and my sisters growing up. My mom
my sister (oldest) me (middle child) and then my other sister (youngest)
I completely cut them off about 3 weeks ago because we had a huge argument about a family situation and it just got out of control.
Well it hurts not being able to talk to your family and knowing that we have been so close always.
Well after 3 weeks of not having any contact with them I have really missed them and specially since seeing them at the party on Saturday. (Except my mom)
Well I upped the courage to send them all each a personal message. Only my older sister replied. I really knew she would answer as she was really trying hard to speak to me at the party on Saturday. But not only that we have alwaysssss been the closest because we are just a year apart. She is one year older than me. We went to school together we did everything together. So her answering me was expected.
On the other hand me and my younger sister bump heads A LOT! She did not answer me but also I was kind of expecting that from her.
Now for my mom she did not answer either.
That really hurt me. She would always side with my youngest sister when we fought and she lives with her as well. Iām really upset about my mom though. I just canāt understand, I canāt. Isnāt a mother supposed to be impartial towards her children? Always loving no matter what? It is really bringing me down. And making me want to crawl back to my dark corner. I am upset so upset typing this. I donāt understand how a mother can be like this. Someone help me understand, because I am hurt and I cannot. š¤š¤š¤š¤ my dad was never a part of our life. So I have no mother no father. I look to others who have such a beautiful relationship with their parents. I ask god why couldnāt I have the same. Itās like my dad didnāt want me and didnāt care enough about me to be in my life. My mom doesnāt care either.
She has said hurtful things to me in the past. It has been hard to forgive her and move past it but I always have put my pride aside and forgiven her. Itās always like this, me trying to resolve issues. Itās always me thatās the one trying to bring peace. The sad thing is I havenāt done anything to her. Yet I have to always be the one to speak because I feel like if I donāt then she would really never make an attempt to speak to me. I even put my pride aside to talk to her and work things out. But it did not work. I wish I had a mother figure in my life I feel so alone.
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Raiinbow08
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Iām estranged from my family too. Yes it is painful. You cannot make them what you want them to be. You cannot change them. You can only change yourself and make yourself OK, you need to learn to be OK on your own before you can except them for what they are. Hopefully it will get better. Most likely your mother will talk to you eventually. Your relationship may need to change a little, and your expectations may need to change. You can hope for things from her, but you can never change someone.
And that is why it is so sad because you might not be able to change someone but a mother should not act in that manner. A mother is a nurturer and is supposed to be there for her children always.
I agree with you and I understand itās painful, itās painful for me as well. Try to see her as a person. A flawed, human person, just as messed up as the rest of us.
I had a rough time with my mother as a child. And I struggle with my siblings. But I keep it light and I donāt share my medical or mental issues with them. They use them against me and are just wrong. I had forgiven my mom for what she did to me as a child but in my 20ās faced her and made her acknowledge it. She would always deny what she had done. Well it didnāt go well. She threw me out of the car and wouldnāt talk to me. After a few days she called me, we had a really good talk. Not saying I havenāt had a fight with her since but we are good now.
Sometimes, especially when you know you are the peace maker you have to be the initiator. If they donāt respond, give them time, and maybe reach out again. Maybe the sister who did reach back can talk to them and help them to see where you are coming from.
I believe this, you never know what I going to happen so end things on a good note, and tell your love ones you love them all the time. You can never say I love you too much. But if they donāt respond in kind your hands are tied. Donāt try over and over at your expense. Family is hard. I am 46 and I just started to realize how to deal with mine. I have four sisters and a brother. Trust me I get it.
Give it some good thought and maybe talk it out, or bounce some thoughts and ideas with the one that responded. Talk to a therapist. You also donāt know what they are thinking, whatās going on in their lives and they what battles they are fighting inside. Be patient. I know itās hard. I am one that likes to talk about things, get it out of the way and be over with it. Not everyone is like that. Thatās where the patience comes I.
And you know what, if they choose not to talk to you, well thatās on them. You did your part. I have gone two-three years without talking to my family. Itās not easy but it happens. Just because you are family doesnāt give you the right to make someone miserable. I donāt me you, I mean them making you miserable. Surround yourself with positive happy people. And wait it out. Hopefully things will turn around.
I really canāt believe Iām hearing this yet from another person! How do you do it??? I have gotten so many responses from people saying I have no contact with my family! š² Iām sorry but it just shocks me!! I know Iām not alone I have my husband but my anxiety and depression makes me overthink things. Like the fact that yes we are never guaranteed another day in this life. I feel like thatās why I try to be the peacemaker. I wouldnāt like to leave this earth on a bad note specially with a family member. And specially since we just never know. We are here today but we donāt know tomorrow. And yes my sister the one that actually answered is usually the one to always have to get them to see things from my perspective because according to them she always sides with me. But we will see how things pan out. Like you stated they will talk when they are ready and also I have to be patient but most importantly I have to live in peace with myself knowing that I did my part. I tried and I can only do so much.
You said it! You tried and you did your best. Thatās all you can do. You canāt control anyone but yourself. Life is hard. But we can make it worse when we run around in our heads, making things worse. My husband always tells me, when I am panicking and kind of losing it..... to get out of my head and that I am not allowed to go running around in my head alone. I think thatās a little funny. He is a funny amazing man and can make me laugh. Which is so healing.
You know you did your part. So just relax and let it go. I get you, we never know if tomorrow will come, so you donāt want to leave things on a bad note. But actually YOU didnāt. You reached out and tried. So you should just have peace knowing that and live your life, proud that you took the high road. Things with family can be tricky. You sound a lot like me. I have just learned to keep it light with them and just smile. I hope they come around soon and things get better.
Isnāt it the best He has been there for me through thick and thin. Never gets mad. Loves me even when I am being unreasonable and just makes me feel good, normal, and protected.
Iām sorry to hear you are going through this. I went through something similar and time will make it a little easier. I know itās hard being rejected by family, especially parents. I miss having a close family as well. Just know that youāre not alone and that your heart is in the right place for trying to mend things. š it will get better
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